Dr. James Whitfield

family

Weekly With Whitfield – Joy

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In about a month you’ll turn 22. It’s so hard to believe that much time has passed since I was blessed with your presence. It feels like only yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. You gave a new, unique perspective to my life. Your presence made me officially a “girl dad”.  As I looked into your beautiful brown eyes you strengthened me and made me weak in the knees at the same time.

Elements of Joy

You’ve brought me so many joyous memories throughout the years…

The “but daddy” eyes. 

The shoulder rides. 

The faces you made when I tossed you in the air. 

The roller-coaster, holding you in my arms, whirling around the room, up and down, round and round. 

The endless horsey rides. 

The performances on the “stage” that was Ma’s fireplace. 

The little blue car rides. 

The swings – “higher daddy, higher” to the point of flipping out of the swing and landing on your back – me, freaking out momentarily, only for you to jump up and say “AGAIN Daddy” – ummm, no ma’am. 

The Barbies. 

The American Girl dolls.

The bedtime stories, sweet goodnight kisses, and “love you, daddy”. 

Trying my best to do something halfway decent with your hair.

Hannah Montana. 

The softball tournaments that lasted all weekend in the Texas sun. Those softball chants, tho, Lo. 

One Direction. 

Makeup enters the party.

Being able to go to the same middle school together (how lucky were you to have your dad as an assistant principal all three years of middle school). 

Harry Styles mania.

Throughout the years, your unmatched self-motivation to go above and beyond in all you endeavored (athletics, academics, etc).

The banquets.

The birthday parties (which planning for the next party was to always begin before the current party was even over).

The daddy-daughter lunches/coffees.

Your dedication and commitment.

Your resolve.

Your vulnerability.

Your creativity.

Your brilliance.

Your beauty.

Your heart.

Your passion for life.

Your joy.

This list could go on and on. So many beautiful memories, leaving deep and lasting imprints on my heart. And I am a better man today because I was chosen to be your father. The long and the short of it is this – you’re one of my greatest joys, baby girl.

Karaoke Queen

As I watched you get up there and belt out karaoke this weekend in Music City (Nashville, TN) I may have shed a tear or two. You didn’t see it. It was very discreet…but it happened. You, my love, exude a joyous energy that fills every room you enter. You turned a slow night at the karaoke joint into a bustling movement in a matter of minutes with your unique ability to let loose, have fun, encourage others, and draw people in. You are JOY!

College Grad

Today, as I watched you accept that college diploma I couldn’t help but tear up again. College graduate added to the list of awesome things I’ve been able to witness along this journey of being your father. It’s so surreal.  I am so proud of you, Lo. And I have no doubt that Ma is smiling down with pride as her great granddaughter joins her as an alumni of UNT – Go Mean Green.

The Nest Episode

And now begins another step in your journey. Beautiful opportunities will surely present themselves in short order. And as you venture into this next chapter there will be days that will seek to strip you of your joy – to diminish your light. Such is life. In these moments, I hope that you always give yourself the space to be still. I wish you the discernment and awareness to recognize when your joy is being threatened. And the strength and fortitude to reclaim that joy quickly and keep shining your brilliance into the world.

To be along for this ride is truly one of God’s greatest gifts. You’ve filled my heart with joy. I am so very proud of you. And I wish you all the joy in the world as you navigate future days. You have so much to offer the world, my love. I’m excited to watch your journey unfold.

Keep singin’ loud, dancin’ wild, and dreamin’ big, sweet girl! I love you!

Weekly With Whitfield – Framily

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It’s often said that we are the sum total of the people we surround ourselves with. The people around us have such a deep and profound impact on our lives. Some of those people are chosen for us at birth – our blood, our family. There are other people who become acquaintances or friends. Then, another set of individuals we choose along the way, our framily.

Family

Neither my wife or myself have a very big immediate family. Both sets of grandparents have long passed on. My mother never got the chance to meet my wife or my two youngest. Both of our fathers live out of state and we rarely get a chance to see them. My amazing mother-in-law, Colleen, stands as the matriarch of our small, but mighty unit.

We have three amazing children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon. I have one brother, Michael. Kerrie has two sisters, Jenny and Sandy. And we have two nephews, Dustin (Jenny) and Matthew (Sandy). That’s the extent of our small, immediate family. Over the last 20 years we’ve seen each other through so much. I love them more than I can express in words.  

Having their support, love, and encouragement along the journey of the last two decades has made me a better husband, father, friend, and educator. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

I know what you’re thinking by now, though – but, James, your word is ‘Framily’. Did you just misspell ‘Family’?

Look at y’all, lookin’ out for your boy with the grammar check!

However, the word is spelled correctly. The word for the week is framily, as this week I was reminded of the deep power of having friends who become like family. 

Framily

Framily are people we connect with in a deep and profound way. Although we share no DNA or kinship, they end up becoming an integral part of your lives. If you need them, they’ll be there. They show up in times of struggle and times of celebration, alike. 

As we sat at Sunday brunch I looked around this table of nearly 20 people who’d gathered to celebrate my wife and sister-in-law’s birthday. I thought about the moments that each of these people walked into our lives. I reminisced on some of the amazing journeys we’d been on with them. Additionally, I reminisced on the challenging moments we’ve all walked through together.

Surrounding this table were people who we loved, and who reciprocated love. Framily. Friends who’ve become like family, truly. While the table was filled with so many amazing individuals who capture this sentiment, today, I’d like to focus on a specific couple. The Amayas.

Tio E & Tia Ash

Soon after we found out we were pregnant with Landon back in 2011, Kerrie reconnected with one of her good friends, Ashley. They’d worked together back in the day and now had a new bond – they’d become first-time mothers around the same time the next fall.

As August of 2012 rolled around, Ashley gave birth to a baby boy, Braylon. Her and her husband, Eric, were now parents to a beautiful newborn. A few weeks later, on September 7, Kerrie would give birth to Landon, our first child together. Since then, the Amaya’s have added another beautiful child to the mix, my niece, Layla, who reminds me so much of my baby girl, Lauren, when she was a young girl (happy tears).

Within weeks of Braylon and Landon’s birth, our families bonded over our similar life circumstances. We were all rolling in the deep of the wondrous opportunities that come with trying to navigate the operation of these new humans who came with no manual. A friendship that had always been there between Kerrie and Ashley had been rekindled and strengthened. In an instant, they became more like sisters. 

And Eric and I, while we only knew each other in passing prior to the arrival of our newborn baby boys, became like brothers. Without question, I know I could pick up the phone and call him right now and he’d drop whatever he was doing to be there for me and my family. He’s that dude – my brother from another mother.

Reflection

As their precious family of four walked through the doors of the restaurant for brunch last Sunday I couldn’t help but feel as though our crew was now complete. If you know, you know – the Amayas are gonna be late (but always fashionably) – Amaya Time, as we call it. So, naturally, they were the last piece to the puzzle. Eric and Ashley are truly two of the most thoughtful, caring, generous, and loving people. But don’t get it twisted and mistake their kindness for weakness. Similarly, like Kerrie and I, you best believe that when they have to rear that protective side, they will. And It’ll be for a just reason.

Over the course of the last decade we’ve done life together, as framily. Vacations, birthday parties, funerals, pool parties, concerts, brunches (that always stretch well into the evening hours), and everything in-between. Most weekends you can find the Amayas and Whitfields together somewhere, having a good time. 

We’ve laughed and celebrated together. 

Cried and mourned together.

Sent vast amounts of silly memes to each other in our group chat.

Developed a million inside jokes based on our shenanigans (#ElbowsIn, #ButDidYouDie, #LightsOn, #Armicron, #TwoPhones – just to name a few 🙂)

We’ve stood by each other in tough times.

We dream of opportunities to create a better life for our families.

We do life with each other.

They’re our framily. Life becomes immeasurably better when you have folks such as the Amayas in your life. Their presence is a beautiful reminder that family is not just about blood, but about the deep connections that we make with people around us. If you have a framily, cherish them, let them know how much they mean to you. And if you don’t, I hope you find them soon. They’ll enrich your life in countless ways.

(I must add – it’s my brother, Eric’s, birthday this coming Monday. Wishing you the most amazing birthday, Tio E!)

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Anticipation

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Anticipation can be such a powerful tool. Whether it’s waiting to see what Santa leaves under the tree or the long awaited reunification of a loved one, that sense of excitement and anticipation can be a powerful and dynamic force. The feeling of anticipation can influence our emotions, thoughts, and behavior.

Numerous studies have shown that anticipation and the release of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, are closely linked. When we anticipate something tied to a reward or motivation our brain releases dopamine in anticipation of what’s to come.

Wifey’s Birthday Weekend

This week has been filled with the anticipation of being able to celebrate the love of my life, my wife, Kerrie, who’s birthday is this Sunday. I know, I know – that’s Super Bowl Sunday – but, as luck would have it, I’m married to a person who really enjoys football. Additionally, I guess it doesn’t hurt that we will be on the beach in Punta Cana [HUGE SMILE].

Those who know me, know – I’m all about family vacations. I love being able to get away with our kids. Leading up to those trips there’s a great sense of anticipation that swells inside me as I think of the memories we’ll make. 

But it’s always nice to be able to get away, just the two of us. We’ve had some amazing adventures. And as I think about how beautiful those adventures have been, my anticipation of those that lay ahead grows stronger. Then, when we get back it will be time to start planning our 20 year renewal of vows for  the summer of 2024. Another moment of great anticipation awaits. It really is quite a journey being able to do life with your best friend. 

First Date

Life with Kerrie has been a beautiful journey of anticipation. There are so many anticipatory moments that stand out in my mind. One that jumps out is our first date. Now, if you can believe it – she tried to tell me “it’s cool, we can just go to McDonalds or something”. But there was no way on God’s green earth I was going for that. Instead, we went to a small, quaint Italian place close to her house. 

And it was in those moments of conversation, over spaghetti and chicken fettuccine alfredo, that I knew I’d found the love of my life. I immediately envisioned building a life with this woman. And the rest is history. Here we are, almost 20 years later, and each day I awake with a spirit of anticipation of what’s to come for our love story. I pray everyone to be so lucky as to have a life partner who they don’t just get through life with, but they anticipate all that’s in front of them. 

Oh, The Places You Will Go

That excitement has caused me to reflect deeply on the feeling and power created by anticipation. Over the past several months I’ve found myself thinking about what’s next for my career journey. Most every day someone asks that very question – “what’s next for you?”

And, while I can’t pinpoint exactly what that answer is, I anticipate great things. If my journey to this stage of life serves an indicator of what’s to come, something great awaits. The data speaks for itself. On the other side of chaos something great has always been there, staring me down. 

I anticipate being able to serve in some capacity in public schools again. While some may call me crazy, it’s where my heart is. And I anticipate that things will not always be easy in that space. But, such is life. I look forward to the educators and students whose path I will cross at some point this fall. It’s going to be magical, just watch.

Lauren Nicole

With great anticipation I await the college graduation of my baby girl, Lauren, in May. Proud is an understatement. This young lady amazes me at every turn. She’s smart, creative, empathetic, hard working, beautiful (inside and out), and has such a bright vision for making the world a better place. I love to listen to her thoughts and ideas – her hopes and dreams. I hope she knows how very much she inspires me.  Without question, great things in her future. And I get a front row seat to it all. What a blessing.

Jordan & Peyton

And then there’s my oldest son, Jordan, and his wife, my amazing daughter-in-law, Peyton. They’ve already given me a Grandpuppy (Jimmy) and now I’m anticipating…wait for it…

…Them becoming first-time homeowners! 

(Don’t lie…everyone reading this thought I was about to announce something else… Y’all stop 😂)

With fingers crossed that all goes as planned, they’ll purchase their first home together late this spring. I could go on and on about these two. Their story is one out of a fairy tale. High School Sweethearts who journeyed away together for college, obtained their degrees, then came back home and began successful careers. But, most importantly, they’re simply beautiful people. I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for these two!

Landon

While I am in no hurry for my youngest, Landon, to grow up, I’m so excited for the days ahead for him. He is such a trooper and brings so much joy to my heart. His fun-loving personality, determination, and creativity. The way he loves so big. His thirst for adventure and imagination keep me on my toes. 

One of the beautiful moments about this season of life I’m in is getting to pick him up from school each day. While it may seem like a small thing, it’s really quite a big deal. Last year, as he transitioned to his new school, we picked a predetermined place that I’d pick him up from school each day – by the big tree. Each day, as I grab his little surprise snack and drink for the ride home, I’m filled with anticipation – to see him look for me at that tree. Then, to see his face when he sees me standing there – priceless. And to hear all the stories of his day as a 4th grader. Anticipation meets sheer jubilation.

Blessings

I’m so grateful for every moment. These amazingly beautiful kids. My stunning, magnificent wife. And I anticipate joy, blessings, and warm days to come. I know storms will come for us all at some point along our journey, but I will continue to look back at the trends of our lives, expecting and anticipating brighter days on the other side.