Dr. James Whitfield

family

Weekly With Whitfield – Endings

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Throughout this week, the concept of endings has occupied my thoughts, leading me to ponder the profound role they play in shaping our lives. As the familiar sound of the school bell reverberated through the air, my eyes were fixed on my son, Landon, who, in that very moment, transitioned from a fourth grader to a fifth grader. The previous year had dissipated like dust in the wind as he excitedly dashed towards me, arms wide open for an affectionate embrace.

Happy Retirement

However, my gaze extended beyond the immediate, and I noticed Mrs. Pybus, his teacher, lingering in the distance. In this moment, I realized that for Mrs. Pybus, this marked the culmination of a profound and storied career. Landon had the privilege of being a part of her final class before she chose to embark on the journey of retirement. The conclusion of fourth grade for Landon mirrored the final notes of a symphony composed of Mrs. Pybus’ unwavering dedication to the service of children—a harmonious culmination of a lifelong pursuit.

Endings are complex and multifaceted, evoking a mixture of emotions that ebb and flow within us. They carry with them a sense of uncertainty that shrouds our path forward. Yet, nestled within the depths of this uncertainty lies an extraordinary revelation: as we bid farewell to one chapter, we create fertile ground for new beginnings to take root and flourish.

Time Flies

Although we still have one more year of elementary school left with our youngest child, I am acutely aware of how swiftly this chapter will draw to a close. This realization has been solidified through my experiences with both Jordan and Lauren, my older children. It feels as though it was only yesterday when they embarked upon their tentative first steps into the realm of kindergarten, their innocent eyes brimming with curiosity and wonder. And yet, like a fleeting wind gust, they have matured into remarkable individuals, confidently donning their caps and gowns, clutching their hard-earned college degrees. There was a time when these transitions filled me with melancholy, a sense of loss as familiar chapters reached their final pages. However, as time has passed, I have learned to embrace the inherent opportunities that lie within endings, and I cherish the privilege of being present to witness the dawning of new beginnings alongside my children.

Endings, rather than being definitive conclusions, should be perceived as the threshold to a fresh chapter in the intricate story of our lives. Instead of succumbing to worry or apprehension, I urge you to wholeheartedly embrace each moment and seize the opportunity to embark on this new season with unwavering enthusiasm and resolute determination. 

Weekly With Whitfield- Lessons

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This week marked the 26th Mother’s Day since my mother, Beverly Jan Whitfield, went to be with our father in heaven. It’s hard to wrap my mind around all that transpired in my life since then – all the moments I wished she’d been able to experience in the flesh.

I’m so grateful for my fabulous wife, Kerrie. Not only is she the most wonderful spouse, she’s a rockstar of a mom. And, with that, I’m able to shift my focus from the sadness of my loss to creating a celebratory experience for her. She absolutely amazes me.

It took me a while for me to lean into the pain of missing my mother so dearly. Especially on Mother’s Day. In those early days after her death I tried to push that pain down deep.

If I hid it well enough, no one could see it.

If no one could see it, they’d think I was “tough”.

If folks thought I was tough, they’d see that “I got this”.

Spoiler Alert – this is not a winning formula. In the years after her death I’d find myself wandering aimlessly through life. That journey would lead to monumental crossroads. I had to choose wisely. While I definitely did not choose the wisest of paths at various points along the way, over time, the rooted lessons I learned from my mother began to bloom.

While she was not able to obtain her teaching degree before her passing she was, most definitely, my most impactful teacher. She wasn’t a “told you so” type of parent. She took time to talk to me and break things down. Never the authoritarian, but at the same time, taking zero shenanigans.

Although free time was scarce as she worked seemingly endless hours to put food on the table, every free moment she got she poured into me. Whether it was shooting hoops, throwing the football, watching Pistons or Bulls games, playing the piano, or just simply sitting out on that bench swing in the middle of our rocky, dirt front yard – there was never a question as to who her number one priority was – me. So many lessons. Too much to shove into one blog post. But I’d love to share a bit of what my mother left with me, with you.

Through it all, she was a constant force. These lessons continue to provide counsel to me 26 years later. A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Here’s a bit of the love and lessons she left with me.

Rise

Do not allow your pain and troubles to keep you in the pit of despair. Life is hard, at times. Few find life to be easy, even those who it may seem. Press on. Don’t lie on the floor waiting for the end. Rise and begin, again. Maintain an unwavering focus on the positive aspects of existence, even amid the crumbling edifice of life’s challenges. For beyond the veil of adversity lies the potential for profound growth and remarkable triumph.

Love

Love unreservedly and passionately, even in the face of unrequited affection. Embrace love as an indomitable force, for it holds transformative power beyond measure. Welcome the vast spectrum of humanity, transcending the confines of societal stratification, racial divisions, and other arbitrary labels. Extend warmth and acceptance to all, allowing love and genuine engagement to shape and transform the world around you.

Serve

Cultivate a spirit of service, irrespective of your standing in this world. Recognize that the capacity to serve extends to all, transcending external circumstances. Seek to extend your benevolence not only to those seemingly burdened by adversity, but also to those who exude apparent prosperity. Every individual, at some point, yearns for connection. Place no prerequisite on who you serve. And do not expect reciprocity. But, more often than not, it will come back to you tenfold.

Speak Up

Do not be afraid to engage in relentless struggle! Fight ardently for your convictions, for the well-being of your family, and for the realization of a life befitting their worth. Understand that the path will not always be smooth, and victories will not be absolute, but remember that the war cannot be won unless the battle is waged. Fight with courage, integrity, and conviction!

The Miracle of You

Embrace your authentic self, recognizing that there exists no other being on this planet like you. Within the unique composition of your being lies the potential for extraordinary deeds. However, this potential can only be unleashed through a genuine acceptance of oneself. You are a miracle. Go and do miraculous things!

Family is Number 1

Devote yourself to diligent effort across all realms of existence, not solely confining your labor to the professional sphere. Often, we become consumed by the role our occupations play in our lives. We tirelessly pursue upward mobility. Remember, that role will be filled by someone else tomorrow if you leave today. That is not the case for your family. You fill a role that is irreplaceable. Ensure that you channel your energy and dedication into nurturing your family, fostering their growth and well-being more than anything. Family over everything!

Gratitude

Sing, dance, and express gratitude in all circumstances! Remember that life is ephemeral, a fleeting moment in the grand tapestry of existence. Therefore, consciously choose joy as your guiding companion through the symphony of life. That’s not to say that you should not feel pain. No, pain is a natural state of being in this life. But the key is to not get stuck there. Somewhere, someone wishes they were in your shoes, no matter how challenging you think you have it. Live in gratitude.

Be a Lighthouse

We are all interconnected, although some have yet to embrace this universal truth. Reflect upon those who have regarded us with bewildering gazes in various establishments, as if we were monstrous apparitions. Understand that their limited perception blinds them to the profound beauty that lies beyond the confines of race. Soon, more souls shall awaken to this realization. Do not succumb to ignorance; instead, acknowledge its innate existence within humanity and become a radiant beacon, illuminating the path for others. Let your light shine brightly! It just may be the beacon for someone who needs it.

The Great Beyond

Direct your gaze heavenward! Engage in prayer with earnestness and sincerity. Allow the divine to anchor your being, regardless of the tempestuous storms that assail you. Trust that divine guidance shall accompany each step of your journey, acknowledging that the path may not be easy, yet unequivocally worthwhile. You are living for something greater on the other side.

Forgiveness

In the journey of life, wounds and conflicts are inevitable. However, it is essential for us to be able to forgive. You must learn to release the burden of resentment and grudges that weigh heavy on your heart. By forgiving others and yourself, you free your spirit from the shackles of negativity and create space for healing, growth, and inner peace. Remember, forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting the hurtful actions, but about choosing compassion and empathy over bitterness and revenge. It is a profound act of strength and a pathway to harmony within oneself and with others. Embracing forgiveness allows you to let go of the past and embrace the beauty and potential of the present moment. Forgiveness frees.

A Mother’s Love

I miss my mother so very much, but I call on her spirit, strength, and the lessons she taught me on a daily basis. I pray that one or more of these points resonated with someone who needed to hear her wisdom.

A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, reaching out into a future she could only dream of.

Dreams come true, Momma.

I love you!

Weekly With Whitfield – Joy

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In about a month you’ll turn 22. It’s so hard to believe that much time has passed since I was blessed with your presence. It feels like only yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. You gave a new, unique perspective to my life. Your presence made me officially a “girl dad”.  As I looked into your beautiful brown eyes you strengthened me and made me weak in the knees at the same time.

Elements of Joy

You’ve brought me so many joyous memories throughout the years…

The “but daddy” eyes. 

The shoulder rides. 

The faces you made when I tossed you in the air. 

The roller-coaster, holding you in my arms, whirling around the room, up and down, round and round. 

The endless horsey rides. 

The performances on the “stage” that was Ma’s fireplace. 

The little blue car rides. 

The swings – “higher daddy, higher” to the point of flipping out of the swing and landing on your back – me, freaking out momentarily, only for you to jump up and say “AGAIN Daddy” – ummm, no ma’am. 

The Barbies. 

The American Girl dolls.

The bedtime stories, sweet goodnight kisses, and “love you, daddy”. 

Trying my best to do something halfway decent with your hair.

Hannah Montana. 

The softball tournaments that lasted all weekend in the Texas sun. Those softball chants, tho, Lo. 

One Direction. 

Makeup enters the party.

Being able to go to the same middle school together (how lucky were you to have your dad as an assistant principal all three years of middle school). 

Harry Styles mania.

Throughout the years, your unmatched self-motivation to go above and beyond in all you endeavored (athletics, academics, etc).

The banquets.

The birthday parties (which planning for the next party was to always begin before the current party was even over).

The daddy-daughter lunches/coffees.

Your dedication and commitment.

Your resolve.

Your vulnerability.

Your creativity.

Your brilliance.

Your beauty.

Your heart.

Your passion for life.

Your joy.

This list could go on and on. So many beautiful memories, leaving deep and lasting imprints on my heart. And I am a better man today because I was chosen to be your father. The long and the short of it is this – you’re one of my greatest joys, baby girl.

Karaoke Queen

As I watched you get up there and belt out karaoke this weekend in Music City (Nashville, TN) I may have shed a tear or two. You didn’t see it. It was very discreet…but it happened. You, my love, exude a joyous energy that fills every room you enter. You turned a slow night at the karaoke joint into a bustling movement in a matter of minutes with your unique ability to let loose, have fun, encourage others, and draw people in. You are JOY!

College Grad

Today, as I watched you accept that college diploma I couldn’t help but tear up again. College graduate added to the list of awesome things I’ve been able to witness along this journey of being your father. It’s so surreal.  I am so proud of you, Lo. And I have no doubt that Ma is smiling down with pride as her great granddaughter joins her as an alumni of UNT – Go Mean Green.

The Nest Episode

And now begins another step in your journey. Beautiful opportunities will surely present themselves in short order. And as you venture into this next chapter there will be days that will seek to strip you of your joy – to diminish your light. Such is life. In these moments, I hope that you always give yourself the space to be still. I wish you the discernment and awareness to recognize when your joy is being threatened. And the strength and fortitude to reclaim that joy quickly and keep shining your brilliance into the world.

To be along for this ride is truly one of God’s greatest gifts. You’ve filled my heart with joy. I am so very proud of you. And I wish you all the joy in the world as you navigate future days. You have so much to offer the world, my love. I’m excited to watch your journey unfold.

Keep singin’ loud, dancin’ wild, and dreamin’ big, sweet girl! I love you!

Weekly With Whitfield – Framily

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It’s often said that we are the sum total of the people we surround ourselves with. The people around us have such a deep and profound impact on our lives. Some of those people are chosen for us at birth – our blood, our family. There are other people who become acquaintances or friends. Then, another set of individuals we choose along the way, our framily.

Family

Neither my wife or myself have a very big immediate family. Both sets of grandparents have long passed on. My mother never got the chance to meet my wife or my two youngest. Both of our fathers live out of state and we rarely get a chance to see them. My amazing mother-in-law, Colleen, stands as the matriarch of our small, but mighty unit.

We have three amazing children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon. I have one brother, Michael. Kerrie has two sisters, Jenny and Sandy. And we have two nephews, Dustin (Jenny) and Matthew (Sandy). That’s the extent of our small, immediate family. Over the last 20 years we’ve seen each other through so much. I love them more than I can express in words.  

Having their support, love, and encouragement along the journey of the last two decades has made me a better husband, father, friend, and educator. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

I know what you’re thinking by now, though – but, James, your word is ‘Framily’. Did you just misspell ‘Family’?

Look at y’all, lookin’ out for your boy with the grammar check!

However, the word is spelled correctly. The word for the week is framily, as this week I was reminded of the deep power of having friends who become like family. 

Framily

Framily are people we connect with in a deep and profound way. Although we share no DNA or kinship, they end up becoming an integral part of your lives. If you need them, they’ll be there. They show up in times of struggle and times of celebration, alike. 

As we sat at Sunday brunch I looked around this table of nearly 20 people who’d gathered to celebrate my wife and sister-in-law’s birthday. I thought about the moments that each of these people walked into our lives. I reminisced on some of the amazing journeys we’d been on with them. Additionally, I reminisced on the challenging moments we’ve all walked through together.

Surrounding this table were people who we loved, and who reciprocated love. Framily. Friends who’ve become like family, truly. While the table was filled with so many amazing individuals who capture this sentiment, today, I’d like to focus on a specific couple. The Amayas.

Tio E & Tia Ash

Soon after we found out we were pregnant with Landon back in 2011, Kerrie reconnected with one of her good friends, Ashley. They’d worked together back in the day and now had a new bond – they’d become first-time mothers around the same time the next fall.

As August of 2012 rolled around, Ashley gave birth to a baby boy, Braylon. Her and her husband, Eric, were now parents to a beautiful newborn. A few weeks later, on September 7, Kerrie would give birth to Landon, our first child together. Since then, the Amaya’s have added another beautiful child to the mix, my niece, Layla, who reminds me so much of my baby girl, Lauren, when she was a young girl (happy tears).

Within weeks of Braylon and Landon’s birth, our families bonded over our similar life circumstances. We were all rolling in the deep of the wondrous opportunities that come with trying to navigate the operation of these new humans who came with no manual. A friendship that had always been there between Kerrie and Ashley had been rekindled and strengthened. In an instant, they became more like sisters. 

And Eric and I, while we only knew each other in passing prior to the arrival of our newborn baby boys, became like brothers. Without question, I know I could pick up the phone and call him right now and he’d drop whatever he was doing to be there for me and my family. He’s that dude – my brother from another mother.

Reflection

As their precious family of four walked through the doors of the restaurant for brunch last Sunday I couldn’t help but feel as though our crew was now complete. If you know, you know – the Amayas are gonna be late (but always fashionably) – Amaya Time, as we call it. So, naturally, they were the last piece to the puzzle. Eric and Ashley are truly two of the most thoughtful, caring, generous, and loving people. But don’t get it twisted and mistake their kindness for weakness. Similarly, like Kerrie and I, you best believe that when they have to rear that protective side, they will. And It’ll be for a just reason.

Over the course of the last decade we’ve done life together, as framily. Vacations, birthday parties, funerals, pool parties, concerts, brunches (that always stretch well into the evening hours), and everything in-between. Most weekends you can find the Amayas and Whitfields together somewhere, having a good time. 

We’ve laughed and celebrated together. 

Cried and mourned together.

Sent vast amounts of silly memes to each other in our group chat.

Developed a million inside jokes based on our shenanigans (#ElbowsIn, #ButDidYouDie, #LightsOn, #Armicron, #TwoPhones – just to name a few 🙂)

We’ve stood by each other in tough times.

We dream of opportunities to create a better life for our families.

We do life with each other.

They’re our framily. Life becomes immeasurably better when you have folks such as the Amayas in your life. Their presence is a beautiful reminder that family is not just about blood, but about the deep connections that we make with people around us. If you have a framily, cherish them, let them know how much they mean to you. And if you don’t, I hope you find them soon. They’ll enrich your life in countless ways.

(I must add – it’s my brother, Eric’s, birthday this coming Monday. Wishing you the most amazing birthday, Tio E!)

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Anticipation

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Anticipation can be such a powerful tool. Whether it’s waiting to see what Santa leaves under the tree or the long awaited reunification of a loved one, that sense of excitement and anticipation can be a powerful and dynamic force. The feeling of anticipation can influence our emotions, thoughts, and behavior.

Numerous studies have shown that anticipation and the release of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, are closely linked. When we anticipate something tied to a reward or motivation our brain releases dopamine in anticipation of what’s to come.

Wifey’s Birthday Weekend

This week has been filled with the anticipation of being able to celebrate the love of my life, my wife, Kerrie, who’s birthday is this Sunday. I know, I know – that’s Super Bowl Sunday – but, as luck would have it, I’m married to a person who really enjoys football. Additionally, I guess it doesn’t hurt that we will be on the beach in Punta Cana [HUGE SMILE].

Those who know me, know – I’m all about family vacations. I love being able to get away with our kids. Leading up to those trips there’s a great sense of anticipation that swells inside me as I think of the memories we’ll make. 

But it’s always nice to be able to get away, just the two of us. We’ve had some amazing adventures. And as I think about how beautiful those adventures have been, my anticipation of those that lay ahead grows stronger. Then, when we get back it will be time to start planning our 20 year renewal of vows for  the summer of 2024. Another moment of great anticipation awaits. It really is quite a journey being able to do life with your best friend. 

First Date

Life with Kerrie has been a beautiful journey of anticipation. There are so many anticipatory moments that stand out in my mind. One that jumps out is our first date. Now, if you can believe it – she tried to tell me “it’s cool, we can just go to McDonalds or something”. But there was no way on God’s green earth I was going for that. Instead, we went to a small, quaint Italian place close to her house. 

And it was in those moments of conversation, over spaghetti and chicken fettuccine alfredo, that I knew I’d found the love of my life. I immediately envisioned building a life with this woman. And the rest is history. Here we are, almost 20 years later, and each day I awake with a spirit of anticipation of what’s to come for our love story. I pray everyone to be so lucky as to have a life partner who they don’t just get through life with, but they anticipate all that’s in front of them. 

Oh, The Places You Will Go

That excitement has caused me to reflect deeply on the feeling and power created by anticipation. Over the past several months I’ve found myself thinking about what’s next for my career journey. Most every day someone asks that very question – “what’s next for you?”

And, while I can’t pinpoint exactly what that answer is, I anticipate great things. If my journey to this stage of life serves an indicator of what’s to come, something great awaits. The data speaks for itself. On the other side of chaos something great has always been there, staring me down. 

I anticipate being able to serve in some capacity in public schools again. While some may call me crazy, it’s where my heart is. And I anticipate that things will not always be easy in that space. But, such is life. I look forward to the educators and students whose path I will cross at some point this fall. It’s going to be magical, just watch.

Lauren Nicole

With great anticipation I await the college graduation of my baby girl, Lauren, in May. Proud is an understatement. This young lady amazes me at every turn. She’s smart, creative, empathetic, hard working, beautiful (inside and out), and has such a bright vision for making the world a better place. I love to listen to her thoughts and ideas – her hopes and dreams. I hope she knows how very much she inspires me.  Without question, great things in her future. And I get a front row seat to it all. What a blessing.

Jordan & Peyton

And then there’s my oldest son, Jordan, and his wife, my amazing daughter-in-law, Peyton. They’ve already given me a Grandpuppy (Jimmy) and now I’m anticipating…wait for it…

…Them becoming first-time homeowners! 

(Don’t lie…everyone reading this thought I was about to announce something else… Y’all stop 😂)

With fingers crossed that all goes as planned, they’ll purchase their first home together late this spring. I could go on and on about these two. Their story is one out of a fairy tale. High School Sweethearts who journeyed away together for college, obtained their degrees, then came back home and began successful careers. But, most importantly, they’re simply beautiful people. I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for these two!

Landon

While I am in no hurry for my youngest, Landon, to grow up, I’m so excited for the days ahead for him. He is such a trooper and brings so much joy to my heart. His fun-loving personality, determination, and creativity. The way he loves so big. His thirst for adventure and imagination keep me on my toes. 

One of the beautiful moments about this season of life I’m in is getting to pick him up from school each day. While it may seem like a small thing, it’s really quite a big deal. Last year, as he transitioned to his new school, we picked a predetermined place that I’d pick him up from school each day – by the big tree. Each day, as I grab his little surprise snack and drink for the ride home, I’m filled with anticipation – to see him look for me at that tree. Then, to see his face when he sees me standing there – priceless. And to hear all the stories of his day as a 4th grader. Anticipation meets sheer jubilation.

Blessings

I’m so grateful for every moment. These amazingly beautiful kids. My stunning, magnificent wife. And I anticipate joy, blessings, and warm days to come. I know storms will come for us all at some point along our journey, but I will continue to look back at the trends of our lives, expecting and anticipating brighter days on the other side.