Dr. James Whitfield

love

Weekly With Whitfield – Framily

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It’s often said that we are the sum total of the people we surround ourselves with. The people around us have such a deep and profound impact on our lives. Some of those people are chosen for us at birth – our blood, our family. There are other people who become acquaintances or friends. Then, another set of individuals we choose along the way, our framily.

Family

Neither my wife or myself have a very big immediate family. Both sets of grandparents have long passed on. My mother never got the chance to meet my wife or my two youngest. Both of our fathers live out of state and we rarely get a chance to see them. My amazing mother-in-law, Colleen, stands as the matriarch of our small, but mighty unit.

We have three amazing children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon. I have one brother, Michael. Kerrie has two sisters, Jenny and Sandy. And we have two nephews, Dustin (Jenny) and Matthew (Sandy). That’s the extent of our small, immediate family. Over the last 20 years we’ve seen each other through so much. I love them more than I can express in words.  

Having their support, love, and encouragement along the journey of the last two decades has made me a better husband, father, friend, and educator. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

I know what you’re thinking by now, though – but, James, your word is ‘Framily’. Did you just misspell ‘Family’?

Look at y’all, lookin’ out for your boy with the grammar check!

However, the word is spelled correctly. The word for the week is framily, as this week I was reminded of the deep power of having friends who become like family. 

Framily

Framily are people we connect with in a deep and profound way. Although we share no DNA or kinship, they end up becoming an integral part of your lives. If you need them, they’ll be there. They show up in times of struggle and times of celebration, alike. 

As we sat at Sunday brunch I looked around this table of nearly 20 people who’d gathered to celebrate my wife and sister-in-law’s birthday. I thought about the moments that each of these people walked into our lives. I reminisced on some of the amazing journeys we’d been on with them. Additionally, I reminisced on the challenging moments we’ve all walked through together.

Surrounding this table were people who we loved, and who reciprocated love. Framily. Friends who’ve become like family, truly. While the table was filled with so many amazing individuals who capture this sentiment, today, I’d like to focus on a specific couple. The Amayas.

Tio E & Tia Ash

Soon after we found out we were pregnant with Landon back in 2011, Kerrie reconnected with one of her good friends, Ashley. They’d worked together back in the day and now had a new bond – they’d become first-time mothers around the same time the next fall.

As August of 2012 rolled around, Ashley gave birth to a baby boy, Braylon. Her and her husband, Eric, were now parents to a beautiful newborn. A few weeks later, on September 7, Kerrie would give birth to Landon, our first child together. Since then, the Amaya’s have added another beautiful child to the mix, my niece, Layla, who reminds me so much of my baby girl, Lauren, when she was a young girl (happy tears).

Within weeks of Braylon and Landon’s birth, our families bonded over our similar life circumstances. We were all rolling in the deep of the wondrous opportunities that come with trying to navigate the operation of these new humans who came with no manual. A friendship that had always been there between Kerrie and Ashley had been rekindled and strengthened. In an instant, they became more like sisters. 

And Eric and I, while we only knew each other in passing prior to the arrival of our newborn baby boys, became like brothers. Without question, I know I could pick up the phone and call him right now and he’d drop whatever he was doing to be there for me and my family. He’s that dude – my brother from another mother.

Reflection

As their precious family of four walked through the doors of the restaurant for brunch last Sunday I couldn’t help but feel as though our crew was now complete. If you know, you know – the Amayas are gonna be late (but always fashionably) – Amaya Time, as we call it. So, naturally, they were the last piece to the puzzle. Eric and Ashley are truly two of the most thoughtful, caring, generous, and loving people. But don’t get it twisted and mistake their kindness for weakness. Similarly, like Kerrie and I, you best believe that when they have to rear that protective side, they will. And It’ll be for a just reason.

Over the course of the last decade we’ve done life together, as framily. Vacations, birthday parties, funerals, pool parties, concerts, brunches (that always stretch well into the evening hours), and everything in-between. Most weekends you can find the Amayas and Whitfields together somewhere, having a good time. 

We’ve laughed and celebrated together. 

Cried and mourned together.

Sent vast amounts of silly memes to each other in our group chat.

Developed a million inside jokes based on our shenanigans (#ElbowsIn, #ButDidYouDie, #LightsOn, #Armicron, #TwoPhones – just to name a few 🙂)

We’ve stood by each other in tough times.

We dream of opportunities to create a better life for our families.

We do life with each other.

They’re our framily. Life becomes immeasurably better when you have folks such as the Amayas in your life. Their presence is a beautiful reminder that family is not just about blood, but about the deep connections that we make with people around us. If you have a framily, cherish them, let them know how much they mean to you. And if you don’t, I hope you find them soon. They’ll enrich your life in countless ways.

(I must add – it’s my brother, Eric’s, birthday this coming Monday. Wishing you the most amazing birthday, Tio E!)

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Love

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There’s no way I could let the week of Valentine’s Day pass and not reflect on love. Believe me, I tried. I didn’t want to be cliche’. But love, as it so often does, captured the essence of the week. That said, Valentine’s Day has generally just been another day for me. Sure, it’s cool to do all the little extra things – the chocolates, flowers, sweet cards, and the likes – but I think most of us know that love can’t be confined to one day or material things. It surrounds us every day.

Love is a beautiful, dynamic force.

Dynamic Love

Speaking of a beautiful, dynamic force, this week we returned from the gorgeous shores of Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, where we were able to celebrate my stunning wife, Kerrie, and her twin sister. We had an amazing time strolling the lush, tropical, expansive spaces of our resort and the magnificent beaches. Along those paths I’d find myself gazing intently at this woman by my side – the love of my life. She is absolutely captivating.

To be loved by such a person is indescribable. Her love is so pure and deep. It wraps me in hope in moments of despair. And brings me unlimited moments of smile-til-your-face-hurts joy. Her love is all encompassing. I love the way it feels to be loved by her. I love her so much. 

On many occasions during our trip we discussed our upcoming milestone anniversary. This year marks 20 years that we’ve been together – 19 married. And in August of 2024 we will be married for 20 years. We chuckled as we reminisced about how much we’ve grown over the course of all those years. Love did that.

We were just two kids in our early 20’s, trying to find our way. I’ll never forget the moment I met her. It was absolutely love at first sight. She has continued to mesmerize me ever since. I am so fortunate to get to share my life with such a beautiful soul. The way she loves is the inspiration for today’s message. 

Love is such a powerful force. To be loved, and to share love, is one of the greatest gifts we can give. It serves, heals, inspires, connects, and transforms. While my example is that of the love of my wife, we know that love has the ability to take on many forms, whether that be romantic, familial, or the love between friends. Regardless of the form, the power of love is undeniable. 

Service

Love leads us to serve. When we feel loved we are more inclined to serve. Service is one of the greatest, most pure, expressions of love. Love calls us to operate with a heart of service to those we encounter throughout our days. 

And it’s reciprocal. Some days you will be the one with the energy and ability to be of service to someone in your space. Then, there will be days when it feels like you have nothing left to give, and someone comes through for you. Love nudges us to be of service to others, without an expectation of anything in return.

Healing

Love heals. When we feel loved, we experience a sense of safety and belonging that allows us to heal from emotional pain and trauma. And if we’re real about it, much of that emotional pain and trauma manifested because of our love for those who inflicted it. I won’t deny that. Love can, most definitely hurt.

But love’s healing powers are strong enough to help us overcome the hurt. Love stands ready to help us defeat feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression. It wraps us up in comfort as we face the challenges that life may throw our way.

Inspiration

Love inspires. In love, we feel inspired to be our best selves. It pushes us to take risks and wildly pursue our dreams. The love of those around us sparks inspiration for things to come. 

It helps us see beyond our immediate circumstances and on to what may lay ahead for us. And armed with that inspiration, we tend to be  more generous and compassionate towards others. We pay it forward, sparking inspiration in the lives we touch on a daily basis. 

Connection

Love connects. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, besides food, water, and safety, belonging and love stand as two of the most powerful needs we must fulfill. Human connection is paramount to our overall well being. When we experience love, we form deep, meaningful connections with those around us. 

Love allows us to see beyond the differences that seek to divide us and pushes us to connect with each other on a deeper level. This connective power of love can bring people together in a way that nothing else can. All too often it takes tragedy for us to embrace how connected we really are in this experiment called life. We must allow the connective tissue of love to weave its way into our relationships with our families, friends, communities, and the world at large. 

Transformation

Love transforms. The transformative nature of love shifts the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Love contains the essential ingredients to transform our communities, helping us create a more loving, just, and compassionate world. 

When we allow ourselves to embrace love over the alternative, we are able to see past societal-imposed differences. We become transformers – more than meets the eye. Powerful, transformative figures, ready to combat evil and injustice to create a better, brighter world. 

The Power of Love

Love serves, heals, inspires, connects, and transforms. It’s foundational to our relationships with others. And critical to our personal and collective well-being. In a world that can, oftentimes, feel grim and unforgiving, love shines through, lighting our path to brighter days. We simply must continue to reach for it.

Every chance you get, spread love. Especially on the days that may feel darkest. It can be as simple as a phone call or a text expressing how much a loved one means to you. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Chances are, a simple, heartfelt message of love will mean more than any material thing. Sending love and light to you all in the days ahead. Go out and BE LOVE.

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Anticipation

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Anticipation can be such a powerful tool. Whether it’s waiting to see what Santa leaves under the tree or the long awaited reunification of a loved one, that sense of excitement and anticipation can be a powerful and dynamic force. The feeling of anticipation can influence our emotions, thoughts, and behavior.

Numerous studies have shown that anticipation and the release of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, are closely linked. When we anticipate something tied to a reward or motivation our brain releases dopamine in anticipation of what’s to come.

Wifey’s Birthday Weekend

This week has been filled with the anticipation of being able to celebrate the love of my life, my wife, Kerrie, who’s birthday is this Sunday. I know, I know – that’s Super Bowl Sunday – but, as luck would have it, I’m married to a person who really enjoys football. Additionally, I guess it doesn’t hurt that we will be on the beach in Punta Cana [HUGE SMILE].

Those who know me, know – I’m all about family vacations. I love being able to get away with our kids. Leading up to those trips there’s a great sense of anticipation that swells inside me as I think of the memories we’ll make. 

But it’s always nice to be able to get away, just the two of us. We’ve had some amazing adventures. And as I think about how beautiful those adventures have been, my anticipation of those that lay ahead grows stronger. Then, when we get back it will be time to start planning our 20 year renewal of vows for  the summer of 2024. Another moment of great anticipation awaits. It really is quite a journey being able to do life with your best friend. 

First Date

Life with Kerrie has been a beautiful journey of anticipation. There are so many anticipatory moments that stand out in my mind. One that jumps out is our first date. Now, if you can believe it – she tried to tell me “it’s cool, we can just go to McDonalds or something”. But there was no way on God’s green earth I was going for that. Instead, we went to a small, quaint Italian place close to her house. 

And it was in those moments of conversation, over spaghetti and chicken fettuccine alfredo, that I knew I’d found the love of my life. I immediately envisioned building a life with this woman. And the rest is history. Here we are, almost 20 years later, and each day I awake with a spirit of anticipation of what’s to come for our love story. I pray everyone to be so lucky as to have a life partner who they don’t just get through life with, but they anticipate all that’s in front of them. 

Oh, The Places You Will Go

That excitement has caused me to reflect deeply on the feeling and power created by anticipation. Over the past several months I’ve found myself thinking about what’s next for my career journey. Most every day someone asks that very question – “what’s next for you?”

And, while I can’t pinpoint exactly what that answer is, I anticipate great things. If my journey to this stage of life serves an indicator of what’s to come, something great awaits. The data speaks for itself. On the other side of chaos something great has always been there, staring me down. 

I anticipate being able to serve in some capacity in public schools again. While some may call me crazy, it’s where my heart is. And I anticipate that things will not always be easy in that space. But, such is life. I look forward to the educators and students whose path I will cross at some point this fall. It’s going to be magical, just watch.

Lauren Nicole

With great anticipation I await the college graduation of my baby girl, Lauren, in May. Proud is an understatement. This young lady amazes me at every turn. She’s smart, creative, empathetic, hard working, beautiful (inside and out), and has such a bright vision for making the world a better place. I love to listen to her thoughts and ideas – her hopes and dreams. I hope she knows how very much she inspires me.  Without question, great things in her future. And I get a front row seat to it all. What a blessing.

Jordan & Peyton

And then there’s my oldest son, Jordan, and his wife, my amazing daughter-in-law, Peyton. They’ve already given me a Grandpuppy (Jimmy) and now I’m anticipating…wait for it…

…Them becoming first-time homeowners! 

(Don’t lie…everyone reading this thought I was about to announce something else… Y’all stop 😂)

With fingers crossed that all goes as planned, they’ll purchase their first home together late this spring. I could go on and on about these two. Their story is one out of a fairy tale. High School Sweethearts who journeyed away together for college, obtained their degrees, then came back home and began successful careers. But, most importantly, they’re simply beautiful people. I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for these two!

Landon

While I am in no hurry for my youngest, Landon, to grow up, I’m so excited for the days ahead for him. He is such a trooper and brings so much joy to my heart. His fun-loving personality, determination, and creativity. The way he loves so big. His thirst for adventure and imagination keep me on my toes. 

One of the beautiful moments about this season of life I’m in is getting to pick him up from school each day. While it may seem like a small thing, it’s really quite a big deal. Last year, as he transitioned to his new school, we picked a predetermined place that I’d pick him up from school each day – by the big tree. Each day, as I grab his little surprise snack and drink for the ride home, I’m filled with anticipation – to see him look for me at that tree. Then, to see his face when he sees me standing there – priceless. And to hear all the stories of his day as a 4th grader. Anticipation meets sheer jubilation.

Blessings

I’m so grateful for every moment. These amazingly beautiful kids. My stunning, magnificent wife. And I anticipate joy, blessings, and warm days to come. I know storms will come for us all at some point along our journey, but I will continue to look back at the trends of our lives, expecting and anticipating brighter days on the other side.