Dr. James Whitfield

healing

Still

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This week I found out that I will be a Grandfather to a precious baby girl next summer. As we watched the video of their adorable gender reveal, chills ran through my body. As the slice of cake transitions from black and white to reveal the pink center, my heart melts. I am going to be a girl grandpa!

Be Still and Commit to the Process

I swear I had my final reflective word for 2023 picked out for about a month now. It was gonna be something real sly to cap off the year. But now, equipped with this marvelous revelation, I was reminded of one of the strongest lessons this whole process has taught me – don’t get too far ahead of yourself. It defeats the purpose of being in a state of true reflection. Just BE STILL in the moment and allow yourself the space to simply BE.

When I began this journey I thought the biggest challenge would be actually finding the time to actually write it. While there have been times where I got the piece out on a Saturday instead of a Friday, each week I found ways to get it done. I was committed to the process.

There were a few weeks where writer’s block kicked in. Several weeks were largely a blur, and there just didn’t seem to be anything that really jumped out. It was in those moments where I realized there was a need to dig deeper, beyond surface reflections. I also came to rest, knowing that each week didn’t have to be some profound, life-changing reflection. Sometimes it was just a simple lesson I may have been reminded of, a family member I’d thought about, the love and appreciation I have for my wife, or the deep love and gratitude that comes with being a father. 

Over time, it became what it was supposed to be – a truly reflective journey. It didn’t have to be some cataclysmic event that happened in the world, or to me. It could be as simple as embracing the time and space to sit, think, feel, and be. To say this year has been transformative in this sense is an understatement. Quite honestly, I could not have written a more fitting script to finish out this year’s journey. 

Grandpa Era

I’m so excited to embark on the new year. I know that 2024 will bring about a new, beautiful transformation as I enter my Grandpa Era. My grandparents are no longer with us. Kerrie’s have passed on, as well. In our small, close-knit family, the only grandparent that’s around for our children is Kerrie’s mother, Colleen. Both of our fathers live out of state and we don’t get an opportunity to see them much at all. And there is not a day that passes that I don’t think about how much of a presence my mother would be in Jordan, Lauren, and Landon’s lives. 

It’s quite perplexing how some who have every opportunity to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives will find every opportunity not to. Then you have those who you know would give their last breath for their grandchildren, yet they have no breath left to give. I know that’s just the way life goes, but the irony can be infuriatingly confusing.

Through it all, I can only control what I can control. And that is simply being who I need to be for my family. By no means a perfect man, but a steady, positive presence in the lives of the people I love. 

Long ago I came to the realization that it’s not necessarily others who disappoint us. It’s our expectations of others to do something that is simply beyond their capacity that disappoints us. So, with that, I choose to lean into it, control what I can control, let go of resentment, love from afar, and be for my family that which I longed for as a child, young man, and now, as an adult. 

None of this ever came down to earthly possessions for me. The person who loved me more than anything in this world had nothing material to leave me when she left the earth. But what she did leave was her spirit of love, affection, and compassion. She left her relentless work ethic and tenacity for standing up for those in need. She left me her joy in the face of adversity, her ability to take notice, and celebrate the small things in life. My mother left me with a legacy that dwells deep within my soul. She sits here with me, today, on what would be my mother’s 67th birthday, putting the final touches on my last reflective piece of 2023. Happy Birthday, Mama! I love you! Thank you for continuing to guide my hand in all things!

Transitioning to What’s Next

This has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done…and that’s coming from someone who’s undergone the grueling beast of completing a pretty arduous doctoral program. I’ve tried to keep it as authentic and raw as I possibly could. There were moments of joy, pain, chaos, clarity, peace, conflict, anger, frustration, comfort, learning, unlearning, and everything in between. And isn’t that life? This journey has left an indelible impact on the way I will navigate the next chapters that unfold. 

Many asked if I will continue these weekly reflections. I’ve yet to land on a firm answer to that question, but it definitely is my plan to continue to grow as a writer. And, with that, comes a lot of writing.

Prior to January of this year, much of my writing was in isolation – for my eyes only – hyper-focused on capturing my experience since July of 2021, when our world absolutely imploded. It has always been my hope to partner with a publisher, at some point, to tell that story. Not so much the story the media wanted to run with, but the real story that needs to be shared. A narrative that helps shine a light on what truly plagues our communities, and how we build a meaningful way forward for our kids and each other.

This year has given me the space to take a step back from a trauma-filled last couple years. This process has slowly allowed me to reclaim pieces of me that had been beaten, battered, and stripped away. While the healing continues to this day, I am in a much better place through taking this year’s journey. I have started the process of narrowing down prospective agents to help guide this endeavor and I am excited to see what’s next!

Acknowledgments

I want to thank you all for joining me on this crazy journey. Even those who may have just popped in for one or two blogs – I appreciate you. I hope you found something that resonated with you. 

Some of you have been consistent partners in this endeavor to complete this journey. Truly, my biggest cheerleaders. Each week you’ve left feedback on my website or you’ve made comments when I’ve posted my musing is in longform on social media. There are far too many of you to thank individually. Please know that I am forever grateful for you. 

To my amazing wife, Kerrie – thank you so much for always believing in me and pushing me on towards things I once thought impossible. You inspire me every day. I am so very fortunate to have you by my side on this magically wild ride through life. You are my rock, my best friend, my everything! I love you!

To my children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon – you are God’s greatest gifts. I’m so honored to be your father. It has been such a joy to watch your journeys unfold; each so very unique, yet similar, at the same time. You enrich my life in more than I can put together in words. Thank you for being my north star, my loves! I’m forever in your corner!

The Gift of the Next Chapter 

Every day. Each week. Each month that we get is truly a gift, no matter where we may land on the spinning wheel of emotion and circumstances. Sooner or later, things will get better. And, in a moment, things can get worse. But the wheel will keep on turning. 

It is my deepest hope and prayer that as you navigate the days and weeks ahead is that you will grant yourself the grace to be still in the moments. Whether good or bad, there are lessons to be learned but so often we’re too busy trying to move to the next leg of the journey that we miss them. 

Make time to reflect often. It doesn’t have to be a blog post. It could be a sticky note, a note on your phone, a text to a loved one with your thoughts – it can be whatever. But make the time to practice self-reflection. I encourage you to make a habit of it. Set a frequent reminder to do so to begin. Over time, I guarantee you’ll find yourself more dialed in than you’ve ever been and you won’t need the reminder.

For many of us, we will be embarking on new endeavors as the calendar year turns. For some (myself included), it will be the all too familiar chase of better health in the new year. Others may be looking to transition to a new career path or promotional aspirations. There’s a couple (or two) out there who are venturing out into the new waters of a serious relationship. And some families out there are looking to become first time parents.

In all situations, trust the process. There will be times of frustration. There will be times that things are going smoothly. And there will be times where it will seem frustratingly smooth. It’s all part of your unique journey towards what’s next for you. I can’t wait to see what the new year brings you! 

Thanks again for being here! Wishing you peace and abundance in your next chapter, and beyond!

 

Resonance

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The Christmas season always brings forth feelings of deep nostalgia for me. It’s amazing how deeply my early Christmas seasons have left such a profound imprint on my life. 

This time of year was always so very complex in my youth. On one hand, we struggled mightily. And on the other, there was a deep sense of peace and joy. I think of my dear mother most every day of my life, but it always hits differently around the holidays.

A Festive Determination

My mother would pick up extra shifts and work tirelessly to try to make the season more festive in our home. But, most importantly, I was always very aware of the true reason for the season, celebrating the birth of Jesus, who came into this world to live, inspire, bring hope and, ultimately, face persecution so that we shall have a chance at eternity. She made that crystal clear. 

Sing Me a Sweet Melody

Joy filled our little frame house. I’d sit by my mothers side each night on her piano bench. Beautiful melodies reverberated through her fingers, to the piano keys, and into the air, accompanied by her majestic voice. I’d sing my little heart out. In these days of limited technology, we’d record cassette tapes of us singing Christmas carols and hymns to send to my grandparents who we rarely got to see for Christmas, as they were hundreds of miles away. 

The rhythm of this time of year never got old. Ever. I can see it as clear today as then. I can feel it. Perhaps it is these joyous feelings and memories that help to fill the gap of her loss. Her song continues in my soul.

Set Your Pride Aside 

We never had much, by way of earthly possessions. And I was well aware that Santa wouldn’t have enough bandwidth to bring me the things he brought some of the other kids. But I was always grateful for what did show up. I knew that Santa had done all he could and that was fine with me. 

My mother was a very strong-willed person. One of the strongest people I’ve ever known. Despite her resilience, she held her pride in check — never letting it  keep her from accepting help when our family needed it most. This taught me an invaluable lesson: true strength doesn’t lie in having the “I got this” mindset, but in the courage to acknowledge when support is really needed, humbly asking, and graciously accepting.

Always Lend a Helping Hand

Invariably there would come a time where my mom would find someone else who seemed to be in a more precarious position than we were. As a kid I didn’t get it and, like many young kids, I was worried solely about what I needed or wanted, not necessarily the needs of others. It’s not that I didn’t care. I was actually quite a caring young boy. But in the midst of all we faced it was very hard to see beyond. My mother always made sure I did.

She taught me that even when you don’t have much for yourself, much less to offer others, there’s always a way to extend a helping hand. Her heart was rooted in the belief that, regardless of our circumstances, there was always an opportunity to help others. She reminded me, often, that there is always someone else who always has less, and by sharing what we can, we contribute to brightening their day, much like so many had brightened ours. Through her example, I learned that the true essence of giving lies not in the magnitude of the offering, but in the intention and love behind it. And as we open our hearts to be mindful of others we create ripples that go far beyond anything we could ever imagine.

Joyful, Joyful Amidst Struggle

My mother always showed me how to find joy amid the struggles of life. In times of adversity, she emphasized the importance of having a spirit of gratitude, reminding me that even in the storms, there is always something to be thankful for. She firmly believed that challenges presented opportunities for personal growth and the discovery of one’s true strength. I can’t tell you the number of times I looked at her and thought “how do you always find a silver lining?” But that’s just what she did, always moving forward with a deep appreciation for the lessons embedded in the chaos. Her lessons and spirit have been a guiding force in my life, leading me to face challenges with resilience and gratitude, echoing her profound wisdom – to find joy even in the midst of trials, growing stronger through them, and to be grateful for the enduring lessons brought forth by them.

My Wish For You

For those who may be experiencing yet another holiday without a dear loved one – or perhaps this is your first season – I extend my love and prayers to you. These moments are, indeed, trying. It is my deepest hope and prayer that, as you navigate the feelings of pain, grief, and loss, you can find your way back to joy. That you can reach back to those beautiful memories and lessons learned. That you find peace in the midst of it all. 

You deserve it. And I know, without question, those who have gone before you are smiling down right now, nodding in agreement. Sending peace, comfort, love, light, and strength your way in this season and all the days of your life. 

Echoes

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The holiday season doesn’t always bring with it a picture-perfect scene fresh out of a hallmark movie. For many, this time of year ushers in a complex whirlwind of emotions, juxtaposed against the backdrop of joy and celebration. This week I had the opportunity to rest and celebrate Thanksgiving surrounded by my loving family. I am so very grateful for these moments and definitely count my blessings. 

In the Holiday Spirit – A Mother’s Legacy

But coupled with that joy is a sense of loss, as this time of year was my mother’s favorite time of year. Despite the chaos that surrounded our lives, I saw an extra pep in her step and joy in her spirit. As if she didn’t already work hard enough, she’d pick up extra shifts and engage with various community support organizations to ensure we didn’t go without. Superwoman didn’t have anything on my mother. 

From the time I was about 5 years old, I was done being an only child. I wanted a brother. I don’t know that I really had a preference on brother or sister as a child. Something just welled up in my heart to specifically ask for a brother. 

A Wish Granted

And it was on this day in 1988 that my wish came true. After eating a full Thanksgiving feast at my aunt Shorty’s house, my mom went into labor. Hours later, my baby brother, Michael, was born. I had just turned 10 that summer – I was definitely a BIG brother. 

In an instant, I saw a different spark in my mother’s eyes. After years of living in the grips of chaos, I saw a renewed sense of conviction towards a better life. As the years ticked on I would watch my mother go back to school and pursue her dream of becoming a teacher. She was done scratching and clawing – it was time to step into something greater.

Navigating Adversity and Loss

And then, as quickly as things began to look up, a door was slammed in our face. That door was my mother’s Leukemia diagnosis my sophomore year of high school. Almost 3 years later we’d celebrate our last Christmas together. From hopeful to hellish, in an instant. The holidays would never be the same.

In the often unpredictable cadence of life, we’re presented with seasons of adversity and uncertainty. We see loved ones caught up in battles that strain their spirit. Perhaps, as you read these words, you find your own reflection staring back at you, acknowledging that these struggles hit close to home – maybe even within your own story.

Embracing Support and Overcoming Isolation

The weight of these trials can bring a profound sense of isolation, emptiness, and loneliness. Negative self-talk becomes the unwelcome companion, spinning tales of unworthiness that isolate us further from the warmth of family and friends. Grief grabs our soul with a tight grasp. A shadow of loss, disillusionment, and despondency is cast over our lives.

I’m grateful for so many wonderful people who have provided a kind, thoughtful ear over the course of these moments throughout my life. Never minimizing my feelings. Always providing space to be, feel, and work through it all. The powerful and positive presence of my wife, children, friends, and various family members has helped me see beyond the pain, towards joy and purpose. 

Empathy in Action

For those who may be treading a path lined with adversity, remember, you’re not walking alone. There are empathetic souls willing to lend an ear, devoid of judgment, ready to support you through this tumultuous season.

And for those who observe these battles from the sidelines, I urge you to move beyond the mere acknowledgment of their struggle. 

Reach out and let them know you care. Sometimes, people aren’t necessarily seeking solutions to their plight; they simply crave a listener, someone who notices their struggles without the pressure to fix them. Our ability to give of our time to just be available is one of the greatest gifts we can present.

Consider the profound impact of reaching out to that one person who entered into your thoughts as you read these lines. 

How many lives could we positively influence with a simple act of compassion? 

How many souls could we uplift from the depths of despair?

A Call to Action: Be a Lighthouse

I don’t often leave you with action items to pursue in my reflections, but I have one today. Be a beacon of light for someone when you finish this piece. Extend your hand, lend your ear, and offer a space of refuge. 

In doing so, you may just become the guiding star for someone navigating the turbulent waters of life. And always remember, in this shared journey of humanity, someday, someone might become that guiding light for you. I firmly believe that our ability to love, offer empathy, and extend compassion is a reciprocal process. We giveth and we receive.

Wishing peace, love, comfort, and blessings to you all this holiday season and beyond.

Perserverance

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Throughout life, there are moments that, indeed, take us higher. One such moment – the Texas Rangers securing their first World Series Championship this week. A team that so many counted out, standing alone as the standard for baseball around the world. For the countless fans who have followed this team through thick and thin, drops and whiffs, and everything in-between, this achievement is more than just a sports victory; it’s a testament to the unwavering human spirit and the ties that bind generations. And with this, I can’t help but think about how proud my Ma would be.

Fond Memories with “Ma”

My Grandmother, Mintha Doris Sumner, affectionately known as “Ma”, was an avid sports enthusiast. I can vividly recall the countless hours we spent watching Mavs, Cowboys, and Rangers games together. She was a force to be reckoned with. You couldn’t tell her she was not the coach. She expected nothing less than excellence from the athletes on the screen. The only exception to her unwavering commitment was Dirk Nowitzki, who she adored. Rarely – even when that dude messed up – did she get upset with him. Oh, and Jose Canseco. She LOVED her some Jose Conseco – ball bouncing off his head and all. But I digress…

As I sat in the stands at Globe Life Field on Wednesday evening, I couldn’t help but think about all these moments with Ma. And as the fireworks shot off after the Sborz called 3rd strike, I had a bit of a mist in my eye. I was transported back to Ma’s living room where we watched so many games – all the ups and downs. I was transported to the various dollar hot-dog nights we went to at the old stadium. In the moment, I was reminded that this game was really about so much more. So many core memories. So many lessons that sports teach us.

A Legacy of Strength and Selflessness

When I think about Ma, I find solace in these vivid memories, knowing that her legacy lives on through our lives. It’s a testament to the beautiful story that the Lord painted with her life. A life that was anything but easy. 

Her life was not without challenges, and she faced them with unwavering strength. Losing Grandaddy, the love of her life, shortly after they were supposed to embark on a journey to enjoy the fruits of their hard work was a heart-wrenching blow. Yet, she continued to serve her beloved Itasca community, from volunteering at the church to delivering meals on wheels, always there for those in need.

A decade later, her life took another devastating and unexpected turn when she had to care for my mother, Beverly Jan Whitfield, who was fighting a cancer that proved to be incurable. Ma’s life shifted from the quiet streets of Itasca to the bustling metro of Downtown Houston to be by her daughter’s side every step of the way. Despite her own heartache, she provided love, care, and unwavering support to her daughter, who left this world far too soon.

And then with the loss of my mother, Ma took on the responsibility of guiding me, a 19-year-old on the brink of going off the rails, and raising my younger brother, Michael. All of this happened less than a decade after she and Grandaddy had planned to explore the country together and enjoy their hard-earned retirement. Her life had taken a dramatically different course.

Lessons from Life’s Challenges

Ma’s love was a selfless love, passionately committed to the well-being of others, born not of emotions but of choice. She never judged or condemned me, even when I faltered. Instead, she saw the best in me, believed in me, and offered a safe harbor in the tumultuous seas of the times. I often wonder how different my life would have been without Ma’s presence. That thought frightens me. Ma’s love, her pride in us, and her selfless spirit are the most significant gifts she left behind. They form a legacy that cannot be diminished or lost, ensuring that she continues to live on in our lives.

Celebration – Life and Sport

As I watched the Texas Rangers celebrate becoming World Series Champions, I could feel her presence. I could imagine her jubilation. Their ability to overcome, echoed the spirit of Ma. I’m reminded that that sorts often mimic life, and it’s more than just a game. It’s about enduring and triumphing through the challenges that come our way. Ma’s legacy taught me that, even in the face of adversity, we can lean into love – a love that believes in the best, endures through all trials, and asks for nothing in return.

Ma, we thank you for your humor, compassion, wisdom, patience, and, above all, your unwavering love. Your legacy is a testament to a life well-lived, and we can only imagine the celebration that’s taking place in Heaven. You are our joy, and we rejoice in honoring your memory. Your love continues to live on in each of us, and for that, we are forever grateful. 

Go Rangers!

Imagine

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Early this week I noticed that a John Lennon poster had flown into my front yard.

I know, pretty random, right? (Any of my neighbors reading this – y’all missin’ a poster?)

As I went to grab it I couldn’t help but think about his hit song, “Imagine”. That song always has a way of calming my soul. And as I watched the news surrounding the horrific terrorist attacks in Israel unfold each night this week, I couldn’t help but imagine a world where folks could attend an outdoor music festival without being slaughtered.

I truly believe that we all have much more in common than many would have us believe. Yet here we stand at another critical crossroad in our world’s history with war unfolding by the day. It always seems like when I catch a glimpse of the good in the world – whether it be at school, local community, or some far off land – it’s met with a firm and resistant evil. 

Pure Evil

What we have watched unfold over the last several days in Israel and Gaza is unconscionable. In Israel, friends and families gathered at a music festival to celebrate peace, love, and unity. Then, in a matter of minutes, a horrific, terrorist attack by Hamas turned that joyful festival into a living hell for the concert-goers and their loved ones. 

It’s hard to imagine the fear, pain, distress, and trauma that was inflicted on those poor, innocent souls. The accounts from survivors speak to a pure nightmare scenario, the likes of which we have rarely seen. In Gaza, millions of innocent citizens are left to suffer the consequences of Hamas’ diabolical actions. Hospitals overrun, homes and businesses in ruins, innocent lives taken. They, too, are now stuck in a living hell.

Finding the “Right” Words

In the aftermath, I’ve watched so many try to signal their compassion, empathy, and support for these innocent souls in Israel and Gaza, only to be met with a lot of vitriol. It’s been quite astonishing and disappointing to watch. 

What we must understand is that this is not a zero-sum game – love never is. This is literally people’s lives we’re talking about. Two things can be true:

  • You can condemn Hamas’ pure, unadulterated evil AND
  • You can have compassion and empathy for the citizens of both nations who are simply just trying to live their lives in peace who are caught in the crosshairs.

One does not diminish the other. Quite the contrary. It illuminates our humanity.

Forward

It is my deepest hope and prayer for a swift and peaceful resolution to the current war that has been waged by Hamas, and countered by Israel. Without such a resolution, I fear the outcome for so many innocent people in the region.

I have Israeli friends who I love dearly. I have Palestinian friends who I love dearly. And I have Israeli and Palestinian friends who love each other dearly. 

I urge you – please do not allow your humanity to be compromised to an extent to which you believe various people of the world are your enemy simply because of where they’re from. When we do that, evil wins. And we create the conditions for further bloodshed as we build up hate and intolerance in our hearts. 

Quiet as it’s kept, our capacity to love, show empathy and compassion, and unite towards basic human decency is the greatest weapon we have to create a more safe, loving, and peaceful world. 

You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will be as one

Imagine!

Weekly With Whitfield – Paris

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I’ll be real with y’all – I’ve never understood people’s obsession with their pets. I had two puppies over the course of my crazy childhood. And, much like a tragic plot twist of a play, they’re were ripped from me before I ever really got a chance to feel the power of their presence.

Losing them just brought on more hurt. And I had enough of that, already. So, from an early age, I threw in the towel on pet ownership.Then I met Kerrie back in 2003.

I know what you’re saying…“wait, Kerrie’s you’re wife, not a pet”…hang in there with me, y’all!In her I knew I had found someone who I could spend my life with. The feeling was instantaneous. But there was one very big issue. I was very allergic to cats. And she had two of them. You’ve gotta be kidding me, I thought!

Whether it was just placebo or the fact that Kerrie didn’t play around with having cat dander everywhere, something worked. Over time I’d come to embrace Panther and Precious as my fur babies, and loved them so much, but it still wasn’t that particular obsession I’m taking about.

Panther and Precious passed on after two good, long lives spoiled by the best cat mom ever and we would go on to adopt two more, Toby and Tyson, as kittens. Without question, a deep love formed for them both, but not that “talk to em like they a real human” type of love, ya know?

An Unexpected Birthday Surprise

Then, just after Thanksgiving last year, we travelled out to east Texas to celebrate a rad little two year old (love you, Jaggy). It was a cold and rainy day, but all was bright inside as we celebrated his birthday. Towards the end of the party, in walked someone with this little kitten who’d lost her way from the rest of litter. She couldn’t have been more than a week or two old. Enter, Kerrie. Within minutes it was decided (against my vehement denial) that we’d inherited one more kitten.

In a matter of hours, as we traversed the highway back home with this kitten in Kerrie’s lap, something felt different about this pet. But I was still kind of in my feelings about not wanting ANOTHER cat.

Kerrie woke up many times throughout that first night to feed her. The next morning she whispered “honey, we don’t have to keep her if you don’t want. We can find her a good home.” In an instant I responded, “no ma’am. She is home.” I could go on and on about all the adventures with the little girl we affectionately named “Paris” (Paris, TX, ya dig?).

Who Rescued Whom?

But, most importantly, I just want to say to all the obsessive, over-the-top, pet lovers out there – I GET IT, now. You’ll have to check her out over on Instagram (Paris_Kitty_Whitfield), where you can get a glimpse of what the journey with her has been like. She’s brought so much joy to our lives.

Some would say we saved her but, truthfully, she’s the one that did the saving. I can’t imagine life without my girl!

Weekly With Whitfield – Unscripted

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As the days of 2023 dwindle down, only 16 weeks remain in this calendar year. To those who have faithfully followed my weekly reflections, thank you for being a part of this introspective journey. For those joining for the first time, a warm welcome. Regardless of where you stand, know that your presence is valued, and I’m genuinely delighted that you’re here. My wish is that this year has unfolded just as you’d hoped it would.

The Weekly Reflection Challenge

Writing this weekly blog has brought with it a unique and beautiful challenge. I have always been a deeply reflective person. But I cannot think of a time in my life where I dedicated time at the end of each week to reflect on what that time had presented me. There have been many weeks where I’ve struggled to find a word that truly captured my thoughts and feelings. But, every time, God laid something on my heart to share.

This journey has been an unscripted one. But such is life. I have no earthly idea what I’m going to write about at the beginning of each week. I won’t lie, early on, I tried to force it. But it never fit. The things I felt I needed to talk about or wanted to talk about never seemed to be what I actually wrote about, in the end. And this has made the journey more genuine, authentic, and therapeutic for me.

Unscripted Lessons

Life’s unscripted moments often hold the most profound lessons. While plans have their place, they can sometimes pale in comparison to the grand design that the universe, or in my case, God, has in store for us. We may attempt to force our personal narratives into the script, but more often than not, they fail to fit. Life’s greatest surprises, blessings, and revelations emerge when we relinquish control and embrace the unscripted. 

Reflecting on these past weeks, I am reminded that the most impactful adventures often arise when we surrender the pen that drafts our life’s script. I’ve gazed up in awe at the grace, mercy, and provision that God has bestowed upon me.

An Unforeseen Journey

This past holiday weekend I had the opportunity to visit Seaside, Florida with my family and good friends. This trip was not something we planned, but a generous opportunity was extended by some good friends. Completely unforeseen, all of a sudden, we were loading up the Expedition, headed to the Florida panhandle. 

Though brief in duration, those three days were filled with unforgettable moments, too numerous to recount in this humble blog post. What we lacked in time, we made up for in moments.

Finding Joy Amidst the Challenges

The trip was an absolute blast, not because everything unfolded perfectly – quite the contrary. We encountered our fair share of unexpected challenges, from navigating a busted golf cart in the dark to a tangle with jellyfish, and even a near mishap with a stop sign. Yet, in these seemingly exasperating moments, we found joy in these “you’ve gotta be kidding me” moments that popped up. 

This trip served as a vivid reminder of the beauty inherent in an unscripted life. Had I known about the golf cart’s sudden breakdown on our way to dinner, I might have opted for the car and missed out on the deep belly laughs and crazy commentary that filled that peculiar ride. There’s so much more to share, but some experiences defy adequate description – you truly had to be there. What I can attest to is that, despite the chaos, it was so much fun!

Navigating the Unchartered Waters of Life

As I reflect on the past week and the broader journey of my life, I’m so grateful that I’ve not held the script in my own hands. Many of the trying moments, pains, and frustrations I’ve endured would likely have been edited out in a quest to construct a “perfect” life. In doing so, I might have overlooked the remarkable treasures hidden just beyond the curtain of despair.

I don’t possess all the answers, and I’m content with that uncertainty. My path is one of faith, a willingness to embrace challenges, and an unwavering commitment to celebrating the moments of joy that grace my journey. I will continue to navigate the uncharted territory of this unscripted life, knowing that it is in these unanticipated moments where the true essence of existence thrives. And I hope you will, too.

Weekly With Whitfield – Transition

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As we make our way from one space to the next over the course of our lives, there are always a transition periods. During those moments of transition, all too often, there’s a great swirl of emotions that churn within us. And the way we navigate those emotions is critical to the outcomes those transitional moments bring.

The Challenge of Change 

Change can be challenging. Learning new things presents new and unique opportunities. Getting to know the new faces takes a lot of energy and intentional focus. Transitioning from that which you were very familiar with to something new presents you with daily moments of learning, application, and reflection. 

And these are all wonderful things! I firmly believe that it is in these moments throughout the course of our lives that we grow the most. Comfort and familiarity seems all well and good. But it is during these transitional periods that we really find out what we’re made of.

Unexpected Transitions

Roughly two years ago I began a transition that I never anticipated. In a matter of days, my entire life was flipped upside down. All of a sudden, I was thrust into the national spotlight answering calls from The New York Times, NBC, The Washington Post, and the likes.

In an instant, I went from someone who was very “don’t make the 6 o’clock news” to “let’s use the news to highlight what’s happening here and bring awareness” – something I was unfamiliar with and, if I’m honest, rather uncomfortable with. But, seeing as though I grew up in an environment where I was forced to fight through various things that came my way, I knew only one course of action…TO FIGHT.

As I transitioned to a new world of media engagements and advocacy I felt discombobulated. This space looked and felt quite different than showing up at school each day surrounded by the staff and students I adored. I felt empty and alone. I felt disconnected and depressed. This transition was not something I’d planned for, nor desired, yet here I was.

Embrace the Unknown

Over time I would find my footing. What helped the most was looking into the eyes of the people who love me most, my family. Over time I would come to reframe the situation. This transition would not be something happening to me. Rather, I would turn this on its head and take what was meant for my detriment into something positive for my family and the greater global community. 

I put my head down and started on projects I’d once considered, but never did. One of those projects was writing a book and, boy, do I have a doozy in the works to shine a light on what so many educators across the country are facing. I won’t share too much now but I can’t wait until it’s time to send that out into the world. 

Family Support

Most importantly, though, I looked at this as an opportunity to be there for my family in a way that I’d never been able to over the course of my career. Those who know me, know – I only know one way to be a teacher/coach/administer – and that’s FULL FORCE! I give my all to every school I’ve had the pleasure of serving. And, while I have the most amazing and understanding family support system, I know that, oftentimes, they took what was left of me after many of those long, challenging days serving in public schools.

Personal Growth

Slowly, I got out of bed a bit quicker, I calmed my bitterness and frustration, and I leaned into being ON for my family. That’s not to say that disappointment, frustration, bitterness, and anger did not rear their ugly heads over time. They did. If I told you the amount of times I heard people say I’d never work in public education in the metroplex again. If I heard it once, I heard it a hundred times. And I’m talking from folks in pretty high-up places in various districts across the DFW. And every time it had nothing to do with who I was. No, that was intact, well known, and even desired by many of these people. Yet the lack of intestinal fortitude kept many from taking a leap of faith for fear of a small group of hateful, bigoted, intolerant people. It’s been both an eye-opening and disappointing realization that some who claim to be in this work for kids and educators are really more interested in political positioning and harmful games.

Overcoming Adversity

But I would not let this consume me. In reality, I dodged a bullet with those who were afraid of the “bogeyman backlash”, as I sure did not want to end up in a situation where I was serving for a leader who lacked courage, integrity, and conviction. So I embraced the transition and chose to make the most of the challenges presented to me. I poured into my family, advocacy work that took me to the halls of Congress, and partnering with educators, higher education institutions and other organizations across the country. When you’re from where I’m from you’ve learned to make magic out of mess. 

New Beginnings

A few weeks ago, I turned the page on that chapter of life – a chapter that has been more like an entire crazy book. And now I’ve transitioned to a new, beautiful chapter… back in a beautiful school, doing what I love. This transition comes with a new role, a role that entails leading a small, but mighty, district made up of roughly 400 students K-12. It’s such a special place – the acres of tall, big trees, the winding creek, and, most importantly, THE PEOPLE. Everyone has been so warm and welcoming. They’ve made this transition smoother than I ever could’ve imagined. I’m forever grateful that God made this possible. What some meant for harm, He turned to good. 

So as you make the twists and turns of the various transition points in life, give yourself the grace to feel, learn, and grow. As tough as the terrain may be at the moment, always know that you don’t have to walk that rocky road alone. Be still and reflect on ways to reframe and reload to propel yourself forward towards brighter days. I’m rooting for you in all your days ahead.