Weekly With Whitfield

At the end of each year I tend to land on a word I want to intentionally focus on throughout the year. But as the calendar flipped to 2023, I struggled to land on that “one word” yet. There were so many that bounced around my mind. So up to this point in the year, with each passing week, I’ve chosen a single word  as a reflective practice to capture the vibe for my week. Until now, I hadn’t quite been able to land on a word that one word. 

And then, through several conversations with educators, school leaders, school board members, and non-profits this week, my word suddenly appeared. As we discussed the current state of public education I couldn’t help but think back to the fall of 2020. I’d just become a high school principal at this time and I reflected deeply on what really pushed me forward in such a trying time. 

In doing so, I landed not only on my word of this week…but for the YEAR:

PURPOSE

To explain, I’d like to take you on a journey back to August of 2020. Those serving in education, or those with students in schools, likely remember what we faced during those times. There was so much uncertainty surrounding what school would look like. Daily, we faced a logistical circus that kept us running in circles. The list of questions was endless:

• How are we going to ensure every student gets a great education no matter if they are in-person or remote?
• How are we going to train every staff member on a new learning management system to ensure quality lesson design and delivery?
• How many teachers are out today?
• How many members of the admin team have to quarantine?
• For each class period, where will we relocate classrooms when a student leaves class with COVID-19 symptoms?
• Where are the students that have not shown up either in-person or remote?
• Is the entire Tennis, Football, Basketball, etc team out in quarantine?
• And, believe me, the list goes on…and on…and on…

We began the year with all students learning remotely for the first 3 weeks of school, then transitioned to a blend of remote and in-person learning for students. There was a ton of anxiety for educators. While we desperately wanted to regain a sense of normalcy, our entire world was flipped upside down. 

Similarly, parents and families faced the uncertainties of how their students would be educated – the how, where, and when. Unprecedented times became a phrase we’d all quickly grow weary of. We had a deep desire for something, anything, that resembled normalcy. But it seemed as though the normal ship had sailed.

While what’s described above was chaos and, what most would agree, the hardest years we’d seen in public education to that moment in our lifetimes – what was behind that desire to get it right? What pushed me forward as all the questions flooded in?

It was that deep sense of purpose:

To be a relentless champion and advocate for young people and the amazing adults that serve them daily. 

Building environments where students, staff, and families feel loved, seen, heard, valued, and trusted. 

Ensure that every student who walks through the door each day, regardless of race, religion, socio-economic status, gender, or any other categorical demographic, has access to a world-class, equitable education. 

Partnering with educators to ensure they have the support, professional learning, encouragement, and requisite tools to provide students with a dynamic, excellent learning environment. 

And when your purpose is strong enough. When there is so much on the line, this is where I’ve found my walk in my purpose to be the strongest. The fall of 2020 was just the next set of challenges thrown in my path. 

Throughout life’s journey I’ve been presented with a great number of challenges. But it was in those moments of chaos, when faced with what seemed to be insurmountable obstacles, that I was able to continue to step into my purpose. That’s not to say that it is always easy. It is not. 

Undoubtedly, every distraction will come your way. Just because you’re pursuing your purpose and doing what you feel is great work doesn’t make you immune to the noise. Some of that noise will be innocuous, and some will be very intentional to steer you away. Either way, be aware of the noise that does not serve your purpose. Remember, oftentimes, when it gets noisiest is when you’re making the greatest impact.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and support you in your pursuit of your purpose – people who act as guardrails to keep you centered and focused. I have been so very fortunate to have several wonderful people who’ve helped guide me over the course of my life. None more critical than my loving wife, Kerrie, over the past twenty years. She has been my rock, standing so firm in moments where I felt lost. I truly don’t know where I’d be without her steadfast support, belief, and encouragement. 

As you continue your journey in 2023, I encourage you to remain steadfast in your commitment to your purpose. For it is in your walk with purpose that you will find the most fulfillment. I wish you peace, joy, and purpose-filled days in the weeks to come. 

This week has been a tough one. It marked two dreaded anniversaries of moments that disrupted my life in major ways. One being the loss of my mother 26 years ago, when I was 18 years old. The other, the loss of my grandmother, affectionately known as “Ma”, 2 years ago, when I was 42. 

One moment, a young boy. The other, a grown man. Regardless of the stage of life, the sting was much the same. Pain – a deep, searing pain that left me lost and frustrated. These marvelous women were both such profoundly positive forces in my life. And then, in the blink of an eye, they were gone.

Each year this week brings that painful, stinging sensation rushing back to me. Every mix of every emotion imaginable envelops me at various moments. While nowhere near as debilitating today as the days I lost them, it still strikes sharply. There was a time, not so long ago, where I tried to push the pain down deep, pretending as though it didn’t exist. I tried to convince myself that all I needed to do was shift my mindset towards joy and hide the pain. 

But, this week I want to stretch and, maybe, challenge your thinking on the role pain plays in our lives. Over the course of time I’ve come to realize the fact the pain exists reveals the enormous forces each of these phenomenal women were in my life. If there had been no love there’d be no pain. The pain exists because love exists. As Garth Brooks famously sang “I could’ve missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.” The two are inseparable. 

Far too often society tells us to pretend to be ok when we’re not – to tuck the pain away. We hide in the cloak of toxic positivity to mask the pain for fear of looking weak. We’re hiding in plain sight. We become numb to the feeling of putting our fears, anxieties, and deepest concerns on the back-burner for fear of judgment and work to be ok on others’ timeline. But what we resist, persists. We must find ways that work for us to embrace the pain and resist avoidance strategies that have been hardwired in our psyche to neglect it.

On both days this week, I say quietly each morning in prayer and meditation, allowing myself the space to center specifically on the pain. Facing it and pulling it inward provided protection from the avoidance strategies laying in wait to hijack my well-being. This protection allowed the freedom to pour into my purpose as a husband and father throughout the week. Instead of being consumed by it, I consumed it to create fuel for my purpose.

But here’s the thing – this is your journey. Not a single person reading this will navigate their pan the same, nor have the same timeline. But I encourage you to feel it. Don’t run from it. As the poet, Rumi, said “the cure for pain is in the pain.” It is my solemn hope and prayer that your pain sparks purpose and that your purpose carries forward the legacies of those you’ve loved and lost. 

A common saying here in Texas is “if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute”. Truly, you never know what you’re going to get. But on a couple of occasions this week we’ve either broken, or neared, our record high temperatures for January, hitting the mid-80s. The unusual warmth for this time of the year has been nice. 

However, while the weather was nice, it was really the warm interactions with people that really lifted my spirit throughout the week. I spent meaningful time with loved ones. There were moments of reconnection with friends and colleagues who offered encouragement, insight, and support. Additionally, there were opportunities to connect with new friends from across the country who welcomed me to share a bit about my personal and leadership journeys. Each of these warm interactions made a profound impact on my week’s outlook. 

This past weekend my daughter, Lauren, mentioned she wanted steaks this week. If you know me, you know…when my baby girl asks, pops does. Heck, she’s 21, got a boyfriend, a full time job, and about to start her final semester of college, so any time she wants to spend with dear old dad, I’m on it! And, as if that wasn’t enough, my oldest son, Jordan, and his wife’s calendar were open to come through, as well. Talk about feeling all warm and fuzzy! My Dad heart was full!

In preparation for our dinner I had to make a trip to our neighborhood grocery store. I hurried through the aisles, gathered the needed items, then arrived at the checkout. As I began placing my items on the belt I heard  “Hey there, my brother. How are you doing today?” 

I didn’t have to look up. I knew that voice. It was Mr. Steve, one of the familiar faces who’s there most every time I go to the store. There he stood with his long, white beard and warm, welcoming smile. I’ve visited this store dozens of times since we moved into our neighborhood back in the summer of 2020 and, without exception, every time I encounter Steve it’s as if I have reunited with a long, lost friend. He stands out and instantly engages:

“You stayin’ out of trouble today?” 

“How’s the family doing?”

“You gonna be able to get all that on your own, young man, or you need a little help with that?”

“Brother, I hope you have the most amazing day. Stay safe out there.”

Often these interactions are taking place as he pushes carts back in the store or bags groceries – never too busy to engage with those around him and share a warm, genuine, welcoming word. Steve provides more than a function to customers as they come and go from his store. He provides affirmation and confirmation to them. His words and actions signal “I see you. You matter.” His actions are warm and sincere.

Undeniably, we all know a Mr. Steve – a person we interact with in our local community or on the job on a day-to-day basis. They’re warm, friendly, genuine, and sincere. They’re engaging and magnetic. They see us when we may feel as though we’re just passing through life in an invisible cloak. They notice the small things and make us feel special. 

We all hold the power to share that warmth and kindness to others as we navigate our days. Ultimately, it doesn’t cost a thing, but can be so powerful. You just never know when sharing a bit of your warmth may provide shelter for someone who’s in a dark, cold place. 

Undoubtedly, there will be days when it feels like you have no warmth to give. But my hope and prayer is that in those moments you’re able to cross paths with a Mr. Steve – someone who’s able to warm and uplift your spirits to help you through. 

Warmest of wishes to you this weekend and in the upcoming week!

(Challenge: We all have a Mr. Steve in our lives. This week make a point to simply let them know how much you appreciate the warmth and kindness they share with you and others.)

As the first week of 2023 comes to a close I’m reminded of how we, as a people, have the capacity to overcome, focus on the greater good, and embrace what connects us all – our humanity. I know, I know. Some of you went there – Ummm, James, are you paying attention to what is playing out in the halls of Congress?

Yes, I assure you, I am. As you might imagine, that’s not what has inspired me this first week of the new year. And that’s what I’d like to focus on here – that which has inspired me. Undoubtedly, we have challenges to face in our democracy, but what I’ve seen in our humanity is what has spoken most loudly to my soul.

A word that has been on repeat in my head throughout the week has been CARE.

What Does it Mean to Care?

When we care about someone or we provide what is necessary for their health, well-being, and protection. We aim to do right by them, so as to avoid danger or harm. They’re important to us and we have a genuine level of concern for their well-being. We do whatever is necessary, at a given moment, to ensure their needs are met. 

Truly, one of the most kind things we can do for another person is show them care.

We saw a beautiful example of care on national display Monday night. After a pretty common tackle made by 24 year-old Buffalo Bills safety, Damar Hamlin, he rose to his feet, then collapsed seconds later. It was the scariest sight I’ve ever witnessed in sports. Within seconds, medical personnel rallied to Damar’s side to provide this young man with the care he needed, as Damard had gone into cardiac arrest. In this state, the heart is no longer pumping blood. Without blood pumping, no oxygen is able to travel to the brain or other vital organs.

Every. Second. Matters.

Enter, Denny Ellington, Assistant Athletic Trainer for the Buffalo Bills. Ellington immediately cared for Damar, providing swift CPR to immediately revive him through resuscitation and defibrillation. This immediate response and level of care literally saved this young man’s life. Ellington’s commitment and care for Damar’s health allowed him to navigate a moment when life was literally hanging in the balance. And while Ellington may have delivered the most timely care, we could see that there was an entire army of medical professionals there to ensure he was cared for in a meaningful way. 

In various screenshots of the live feed of the game we caught glimpses of the care displayed on the faces of athletes and coaches. At that moment there weren’t two opposing teams. Everyone was united in caring for the health of Damar. It was their only concern.

We saw Coach McDermott and Coach Taylor’s care as they sent their players to the locker room, signaling that there would not be a continuance of that game. Coach Taylor said McDermott immediately told him “I need to be at the hospital with Damar, and I shouldn’t be coaching this game.” All his focus and care was on the health and safety of that young man. Nothing else mattered. True leadership in the face of such an unprecedented situation.

We saw complete strangers rally for vigils outside the University of Cincinnati Medical Center to offer prayers and well wishes for a full recovery.

And most of us were introduced to Damar’s care for kids and his community through this tragic incident. At the time of his frightening collapse, a fundraiser he started in 2020, just before he was picked in the 6th round of the 2021 draft to help provide toys for kids impacted by the pandemic in his community, had only raised a little over $2900. As I type, that fundraiser has approached 8 million dollars! His family has stated that the money raised will be used to “contribute to Damar’s community initiatives and his current fight.” An inspiring show of care from folks across the globe for Damar.

And, as we’ve gotten more and more positive news about Damar’s significant improvements, he continues to teach us more about care. Two days after suffering a near-fatal heart attack, when he’s finally able to open his eyes, still on a ventilator, he scribbles a note to his medical team.

“Did we win?” 

Subsequently, the doctors said, “Yes, Damar, you won. You won the game of life.” 

But think about this young man’s mindset for a moment – after all he’s been through. Hooked up to all those machines. Fighting for his life. He cared about the outcome of the game. He cared about his teammates and the game he loves. 

As we navigate the days ahead in 2023 it is my hope that we can remember these beautiful examples of care. We have the capacity to do it, as we’ve shown it time and time again when tragedy strikes. My prayer is that we allow our capacity to show care a daily occurrence. What a beautiful world we can build.