Dr. James Whitfield

lessons

Weekly With Whitfield – Journey

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This week, I celebrated my 45th trip around the sun. I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that I am now 45 years old. My emotions are all over the place as I reflect on being here to see such a day.  As for most of us, life has been quite the adventurous ride, filled with trials and tribulations. And with each passing year I am filled with immense gratitude. As I reflect on the journey I can’t help but stand in complete awe of God’s grace, mercy, and steadfast love. As I looked around at the party that gathered at the restaurant I was consumed with feelings of warmth, gratitude, love, and joy. Good friends, my baby brother, my children, my beautiful bride – what more could a guy ask for? 

Thank you, Lord!

Out of the Darkness

As a young boy, I felt as though I’d never grow old. At least I couldn’t envision it. 

How the hell would I get there?

Time seemed to tick along, ever so slowly, as we navigated the challenges of daily life. 

I couldn’t see beyond the day. Try as I may, it was hard to envision brighter days. I was surrounded by chaos and often felt as though things may have been better for everyone if I’d never been born. 

As I lay in my bed each night I’d envision a world that didn’t include me. And, while I never contemplated taking my own life, the questioning of my existence, my purpose, persisted:

What is the meaning of this?

Why am I here?

Why so much pain, conflict, and struggle?

Those questions, and so many more, found their way into the recesses of my mind in the still of the night under the cover of darkness. Thankfully, along the way, God blessed me with so many people who saw me, believed in me, nurtured me, and loved me through the mess. As I celebrated my 45th birthday, surrounded by loved ones who’ve been part of this journey, I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude. Throughout my life, the people I’ve met, experiences I’ve lived, and the challenges I’ve overcome that helped that poor little boy from Midland, TX to resoundingly answer those questions of his existence. 

Embrace the Journey

Life’s journey is so very unpredictable. I have learned to embrace the beauty that lies in that. Each twist and turn presents a chance to learn and grow. And as I step into this next chapter, I carry with me the lessons learned, excited for the road ahead. 

On my birthday week, my wish for you is to embrace the journey, cherish every moment, and celebrate the beauty of this complex, yet beautiful, life. Don’t stop believin’!

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Humanity

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My wife and I finally got around to watching a show that had been on our list for a long while – Ted Lasso. I know. I know. We’re late to the game. We didn’t jump on the Lasso train early on but, my goodness, am I glad we finally did. Beyond its comedic brilliance, this show imparts valuable life lessons and offers so many powerful takeaways – far too many to list here – but mostly centered on human connection. Here are a few elements that stood out to me about the Lasso Way.

Optimism

Coach Lasso’s unwavering optimism in the face of adversity and conflict is inspiring. Despite relentless setbacks, he maintains a positive outlook. And this isn’t the toxic positivity of just pretending everything is ok or being naive. While optimistic, he often acknowledges the elephant in the room, head-on. Then he pushes forward. We can all take a page out of that playbook. Being optimistic does not necessarily mean that we walk around with rose-colored glasses all day. But it sure doesn’t help to throw them on every now and then and see things in a more positive light.

Empathy

Empathy lies at his core, taking the time to understand and deeply connect with others, showing genuine care and concern. As we embrace empathy it allows us to better understand and support those around us. Empathy derives from listening actively, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, and responding with kindness and understanding. When we recognize and validate people’s emotions, we create a safe space for open dialogue. We all need an empathetic ear at some point. Look for opportunities to practice this skill with those around you. In a society that can be so quick to cast shame and judgment, choose empathy.

Kindness

Dude’s a true leader – leading with kindness, mutual respect, and compassion. By treating everyone with dignity and respect (whether they have earned it or deserve it), he fosters a positive environment. Great leaders support and encourage others, they have a servant’s heart, and they are compassionate. Never underestimate the power of small acts of kindness. They can have a profound impact on the people around you. I encourage you to make a conscious effort to perform random acts of kindness each day – whether it be complimenting a stranger, a hand-written note, offering assistance to someone in need, or even a home-made box of biscuits.

Vulnerability 

Coach Lasso shows that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. He openly shares his own struggles and emotions with those around him, creating a space for others to do the same. When we embrace vulnerability in our own lives by opening up about your fears, insecurities, and challenges, we unlock a code. And, equipped with this code, we are able to foster deeper connections, which allows others the opportunity to provide support and understanding. If you haven’t done so lately, initiate a meaningful conversation with a loved one, friend, or colleague. Refuse to be limited by fears and insecurities. Utilize your secret weapon or vulnerability and, in turn, encourage others to do the same.

Relationships. Relationships. Relationships

The ability to forge genuine human connections is evident throughout the show. Coach Lasso’s approach to building relationships is grounded in trust, empathy, and open communication. Whether it’s forming a bond with a troubled player or forging unlikely friendships, his actions speak to the profound impact of meaningful connections on our well-being and happiness. It encourages us to invest time and effort into cultivating relationships that enrich our lives. People know when you care. And they know when you don’t. The power of human connection can change lives.

Forgiveness over Resentment

Resentment seems to be our default setting in most cases. And that was evident in the lives of so many of the characters of this show. But resentment shackles us to past trauma. Forgiveness is key to our personal growth. Our willingness to forgive doesn’t mean that our pain is not valid. Rather, our ability to forgive acknowledges the reality that exists and our power to refuse to be held hostage by someone else’s demons. We all have someone in our life to forgive. I encourage you to find that someone and work towards that reality, whether you feel they deserve it or not. Refuse the limitations of resentment.

Believe

And there’s so much more…but I don’t want to spoil the show for any who may not have watched it yet. I often wondered what all the hype was about, but after watching it is clear as to why Ted Lasso captured the hearts of viewers worldwide. While funny and witty, it also evokes deep emotional connectivity and asks us to look deep into the best parts of our being. As the world can be a tricky and often messy place to navigate, I have no doubt that this show will provide the breath of fresh air needed, anytime. Keep on Believin’!

***And here’s a beautiful montage that doesn’t spoil too much 🙂

Weekly With Whitfield – Parenthood

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Among life’s most profound joys, few can match the bliss found in parenthood. It is such a transformative journey of love, sacrifice, and growth – a journey that has changed my life for the better. 

I am a father to three amazing children. My eldest son, Jordan, is 27 years old. My daughter, Lauren, is 22 years old. And my youngest, Landon, is 10 years old. I’ve got quite the range of ages. But what a blessing and honor it is to be their father. Each of them have taught me unique things about myself that I may have never understood without their existence. Grateful is truly an understatement.

Baby Boy

Landon, who will be in fifth grade in the fall, is out for summer break. With that, he and I spend most every day together as I am an educator and have flexible summers. This week I was scrolling through my Google photos album, which is filled with videos from when he was a baby till now.  I was struck at just how fast 10 years can fly by. And the joy and happiness that I see in these videos and pictures is reflective of the experience of daily life with him. These aren’t just moments that have been singled out to be part of some montage. What I see is a reflection of daily life with this amazing young person. At this stage in my life to get the experience of daily life through the eyes of a child is absolutely beautiful. What a wondrous ride it is.

Baby Girl

I had an opportunity to have lunch with my beautiful baby girl, Lauren, this week. When my baby girl asks if I want to do lunch, I do lunch. As I listened to her vision for the future, her hopes for a better world, and her ideas of what to do to impact the lives of people in a deep and meaningful way, I was moved beyond words. This young lady amazes me every day. She’s got so many creative ideas and things that will help people who need it the most. I hope she knows how very proud I am of her. She has such a deep care for the lives of others. At 22 years of age she’s a college graduate, she’s gainfully employed, and she’s working on becoming an entrepreneur.  If you get a chance to meet Lauren you will initially be struck by her glow, her outward beauty.  But what is most impressive is the shine that is within. I’m so proud of her and honored to be her father.

The O.G.

A couple weeks ago my eldest son, Jordan, invited me to be his guest at the annual Fort Worth Metropolitan Black Chamber of Commerce luncheon, which was held this week. If you’ve ever met Jordan you know that he is an amazing young man. Truly, he is the best man I know. And to be his guest at this event made my heart so very happy. To enter the space of this luncheon of roughly 900 guests and watch him work a room, engaging with folks – his smile, his interest in people’s lives, his ability to carry a conversation – was something to behold. Usually in those spaces I’m the one out doing the talking and mixing but on that day I simply took a backseat in pride and watched my baby boy, a boy that entered my life at the age of 17 years old, shine. He absolutely changed the course of my life for the better. And I have no doubt that all who cross his path will be all the better for it.

Shifting the Narrative

The absence of a father figure in my life initially left a void. Yet, in the depths of that void, seeds of resilience and determination took root. On most evenings, in my childhood, my mother and I would sit out on our bench swing in the front yard. So many fond conversations on that swing. One of the recurring conversations was that of the husband and father I promised to be for my wife and kids when that time came. Over time, I would recognize that the absence of a father did not define my worth or my potential to be an exceptional father myself. Instead, it would spark a fire within me to become the father I longed for.

Over the last 27 years, I’ve had the honor of witnessing the magic of parenthood unfold. This journey has been about creating a sanctuary of love and support, where dreams can flourish. Through every bedtime story, scraped knee kissed, and heartfelt conversation, my hope is to craft a legacy that transcends generations. To my own father, I offer forgiveness and gratitude. I carry your lessons with me, not as a burden, but as a source of inspiration to be the best father I can be. Offering no resentment, only love.

I am guided by love, driven by purpose, and devoted to creating a better future for my children. In this sacred role, I cherish the privilege of being a father –  knowing that I have the power to shape lives, to cultivate dreams, and to foster love that will ripple through generations to come. And as I watch my children grow, I am humbled by the amazing humans they have become. Being your father is truly one of life’s greatest joys!

Parent Appreciation

Shout out to all the amazing parents out there making it happen for your children. It’s a challenging role, filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. Along the way it’s natural to question if you’re doing it “right”. In those moments, grant yourself grace and remember that being a parent doesn’t come with instructions, per say. Each child is different and will bring forth their own unique challenges that may make you question yourself. In those moments, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone. Chances are, someone out there has faced the same parenthood challenges. You’re not alone. And you are exactly the right person for the job. You are divinely appointed. 

Weekly With Whitfield – Reframe

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It’s wild how swiftly time has flown, bringing us to the month of June, 2023. When I embarked on this introspective journey at the beginning of the year, I couldn’t have predicted the path it would take. While the idea of starting a weekly blog intrigued me, I was well aware of the challenge of maintaining consistency week after week. To those who have joined me on this adventure, I want to express my deepest gratitude. Your feedback, words of encouragement, and active participation have played a vital role in keeping me motivated and pushing me forward.

For those who have been accompanying me over the past couple of years, you know that it has been an extraordinary journey. I’ve faced unwarranted criticism from individuals who don’t truly know me, but I’ve also received recognition and praise from organizations that share my passion for youth and education. Some days, I’ve struggled to find the strength to get out of bed, while other days, the presence of remarkable individuals in my life has ignited inspiration within me.

Throughout this journey, I’ve found solace in moments of quiet contemplation. Additionally, I’ve been uplifted and motivated by a select few, including my beloved wife, who have stood unwaveringly by my side through every twist and turn. Along the way, I’ve learned valuable lessons and had my existing beliefs reaffirmed.

These past years have presented me with a conundrum. At times, bitterness, disgust, and anger have consumed me. Yet, in other moments, I’ve felt immense gratitude, encouragement, and motivation. It has been a whirlwind of emotions, but I have no doubt that God is paving the way for greater things.

The ability to overcome adversity is deeply influenced by our capacity to reframe. In the face of significant changes in my day-to-day life, I refuse to abandon my purpose. Let me be clear—it’s not an easy feat. It demands intentional effort and unwavering focus. But it’s undeniably worth it. Never underestimate the transformative power of reframing.

When we engage in the practice of reframing, we empower ourselves to find strength and meaning in the face of great odds. Its power creates space for us to challenge limiting beliefs and reevaluate our circumstances through a more optimistic lens. It lifts us from victimhood to empowerment, recognizing that we have the ability to shape our own narratives. By consciously choosing to reframe, we gain control and agency over our lives. Back in the driver’s seat, we are able to find hidden opportunities, cultivate gratitude for what we have, and focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. 

So, while it may be tempting to dwell on grievances and anxieties from the past couple of years, I choose not to do so. Instead, I will reframe my perspective and focus on the fact that, despite all the challenges, I still stand tall. I am immensely grateful for the support of good friends, advocates, and my incredible family. In every line of my song, there they stand beside me. I consider myself extremely fortunate.

My wish for you is that you embrace whatever discomfort comes your way. Reframe those unique challenges that cross your path and rewrite the script, transforming them into beautiful opportunities. Believe in your ability to do so, because you can.

Weekly With Whitfield- Lessons

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This week marked the 26th Mother’s Day since my mother, Beverly Jan Whitfield, went to be with our father in heaven. It’s hard to wrap my mind around all that transpired in my life since then – all the moments I wished she’d been able to experience in the flesh.

I’m so grateful for my fabulous wife, Kerrie. Not only is she the most wonderful spouse, she’s a rockstar of a mom. And, with that, I’m able to shift my focus from the sadness of my loss to creating a celebratory experience for her. She absolutely amazes me.

It took me a while for me to lean into the pain of missing my mother so dearly. Especially on Mother’s Day. In those early days after her death I tried to push that pain down deep.

If I hid it well enough, no one could see it.

If no one could see it, they’d think I was “tough”.

If folks thought I was tough, they’d see that “I got this”.

Spoiler Alert – this is not a winning formula. In the years after her death I’d find myself wandering aimlessly through life. That journey would lead to monumental crossroads. I had to choose wisely. While I definitely did not choose the wisest of paths at various points along the way, over time, the rooted lessons I learned from my mother began to bloom.

While she was not able to obtain her teaching degree before her passing she was, most definitely, my most impactful teacher. She wasn’t a “told you so” type of parent. She took time to talk to me and break things down. Never the authoritarian, but at the same time, taking zero shenanigans.

Although free time was scarce as she worked seemingly endless hours to put food on the table, every free moment she got she poured into me. Whether it was shooting hoops, throwing the football, watching Pistons or Bulls games, playing the piano, or just simply sitting out on that bench swing in the middle of our rocky, dirt front yard – there was never a question as to who her number one priority was – me. So many lessons. Too much to shove into one blog post. But I’d love to share a bit of what my mother left with me, with you.

Through it all, she was a constant force. These lessons continue to provide counsel to me 26 years later. A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Here’s a bit of the love and lessons she left with me.

Rise

Do not allow your pain and troubles to keep you in the pit of despair. Life is hard, at times. Few find life to be easy, even those who it may seem. Press on. Don’t lie on the floor waiting for the end. Rise and begin, again. Maintain an unwavering focus on the positive aspects of existence, even amid the crumbling edifice of life’s challenges. For beyond the veil of adversity lies the potential for profound growth and remarkable triumph.

Love

Love unreservedly and passionately, even in the face of unrequited affection. Embrace love as an indomitable force, for it holds transformative power beyond measure. Welcome the vast spectrum of humanity, transcending the confines of societal stratification, racial divisions, and other arbitrary labels. Extend warmth and acceptance to all, allowing love and genuine engagement to shape and transform the world around you.

Serve

Cultivate a spirit of service, irrespective of your standing in this world. Recognize that the capacity to serve extends to all, transcending external circumstances. Seek to extend your benevolence not only to those seemingly burdened by adversity, but also to those who exude apparent prosperity. Every individual, at some point, yearns for connection. Place no prerequisite on who you serve. And do not expect reciprocity. But, more often than not, it will come back to you tenfold.

Speak Up

Do not be afraid to engage in relentless struggle! Fight ardently for your convictions, for the well-being of your family, and for the realization of a life befitting their worth. Understand that the path will not always be smooth, and victories will not be absolute, but remember that the war cannot be won unless the battle is waged. Fight with courage, integrity, and conviction!

The Miracle of You

Embrace your authentic self, recognizing that there exists no other being on this planet like you. Within the unique composition of your being lies the potential for extraordinary deeds. However, this potential can only be unleashed through a genuine acceptance of oneself. You are a miracle. Go and do miraculous things!

Family is Number 1

Devote yourself to diligent effort across all realms of existence, not solely confining your labor to the professional sphere. Often, we become consumed by the role our occupations play in our lives. We tirelessly pursue upward mobility. Remember, that role will be filled by someone else tomorrow if you leave today. That is not the case for your family. You fill a role that is irreplaceable. Ensure that you channel your energy and dedication into nurturing your family, fostering their growth and well-being more than anything. Family over everything!

Gratitude

Sing, dance, and express gratitude in all circumstances! Remember that life is ephemeral, a fleeting moment in the grand tapestry of existence. Therefore, consciously choose joy as your guiding companion through the symphony of life. That’s not to say that you should not feel pain. No, pain is a natural state of being in this life. But the key is to not get stuck there. Somewhere, someone wishes they were in your shoes, no matter how challenging you think you have it. Live in gratitude.

Be a Lighthouse

We are all interconnected, although some have yet to embrace this universal truth. Reflect upon those who have regarded us with bewildering gazes in various establishments, as if we were monstrous apparitions. Understand that their limited perception blinds them to the profound beauty that lies beyond the confines of race. Soon, more souls shall awaken to this realization. Do not succumb to ignorance; instead, acknowledge its innate existence within humanity and become a radiant beacon, illuminating the path for others. Let your light shine brightly! It just may be the beacon for someone who needs it.

The Great Beyond

Direct your gaze heavenward! Engage in prayer with earnestness and sincerity. Allow the divine to anchor your being, regardless of the tempestuous storms that assail you. Trust that divine guidance shall accompany each step of your journey, acknowledging that the path may not be easy, yet unequivocally worthwhile. You are living for something greater on the other side.

Forgiveness

In the journey of life, wounds and conflicts are inevitable. However, it is essential for us to be able to forgive. You must learn to release the burden of resentment and grudges that weigh heavy on your heart. By forgiving others and yourself, you free your spirit from the shackles of negativity and create space for healing, growth, and inner peace. Remember, forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting the hurtful actions, but about choosing compassion and empathy over bitterness and revenge. It is a profound act of strength and a pathway to harmony within oneself and with others. Embracing forgiveness allows you to let go of the past and embrace the beauty and potential of the present moment. Forgiveness frees.

A Mother’s Love

I miss my mother so very much, but I call on her spirit, strength, and the lessons she taught me on a daily basis. I pray that one or more of these points resonated with someone who needed to hear her wisdom.

A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, reaching out into a future she could only dream of.

Dreams come true, Momma.

I love you!

Weekly With Whitfield – Puzzles

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Life keeps us on our toes. One week you write about hope and the next week you encounter something that makes you feel hopeless. Sometimes those feelings change day to day. Sometimes hour to hour. But here’s what you know – this feeling won’t last forever. It’s just part of the process as we pull together the puzzle pieces of our lives.

Doris Sumner – My Ma

My Grandmother, affectionately known as “Ma”, loved puzzles. My little brother and I moved in with my Grandmother shortly after our Mother passed away in 1997. In her home we found hope and consistency. This place held so much love and comfort. The home encapsulated all of whom Ma was. 

We lost Ma in 2021, but I think of her often. Almost daily, I feel slight nudges from her. The nudges come strongest when I find myself feeling down. I can almost sense her soft, frail, hand pushing my chin up, ever so slightly, directing me to look forward.

Her presence prompted the very words that flow here. The past couple years have been chaotic, to say the least. I won’t delve into all the chaos – there’s plenty out there to read. But what I want to share, here, is a note about life and one of the many lessons Mrs. Doris Sumner, my Ma, taught me – likely without even knowing it.

Ma’s Place

Ma lived in a small, brick, three bedroom, two bath home in Itasca, TX. Rarely did anyone enter through the front door. Instead, we entered through the garage door that led through a breezeway, then through her bedroom, to a hallway that would take you to the living room and kitchen that were on the other end of the house. 

I can see every inch of it as clearly today as the last day I entered years ago. I smell the pot roast cooking. And I can still see Ma, sitting at her little card table, pressed against the back of the couch. Instantly, she turns around and says “hey there, kiddo!” with a huge grin on her face. She takes a quick break from her task at-hand – the puzzle spread across the table – to give me the greatest hug.

Ma loved puzzles. Like, huge puzzles with thousands of pieces. She’d sit for hours working on them. And when I found her at that table I didn’t miss an opportunity to join her. We had some deep conversations while working on those puzzles. As I reflect on those moments I realize that all those beautiful puzzles serve as a metaphor for life.

The Complex Puzzle of Life

Life is a massive puzzle. Only, there is no box with a picture of what the outcome should be. As we begin the journey, pieces are scattered about. There is no rhyme, reason, or identified purpose. Random parts, with hopes of coming together.

Corner Pieces

Then, slowly, our foundations form. We sleep through the night – a corner piece in place. We graduate to solid foods – another corner piece locked in. Our first words come dribbling out – boom, third corner piece secured. Before you know it, we graduate from making a mess of ourselves – we’re potty trained – locking in that last, and ever-so-critical, corner piece. Those corner pieces are foundational to launching us into life. 

The Edges

As we venture out into this new world we play with the edges – the boundaries within which the rest of the puzzle must come together. And, while this can be a bit of a challenge, the boundaries tend to make themselves readily evident. These edges serve as our values. Their clean, sharp edges provide guidance, but we’re left to sort the rest out along our way. Who we are, and who we’ll become, is impacted by the edges.

The Center

Now we start to play with the pieces in the center and things get more complex. Like a puzzle, life can be complicated and challenging. Each piece, a different experience, lesson, or opportunity along the way. And how we put these pieces together determines the outcomes.

Puzzles can be frustrating. We struggle to find the right piece that may have slid off the table, hiding under our shoe. Sometimes it appears as though a piece should fit, then when you try to force it in, it doesn’t. We become overwhelmed with the sheer number of pieces strewn across the table – it may appear that several critical ones may be missing. But as we keep after it, the bigger picture slowly comes into focus, and each piece slides into place.

Life can be downright frustrating. Adversity, setbacks, and various obstacles crop up along our journey. Oftentimes, these challenges seem insurmountable at the moment. That feeling that something’s “off” wells up inside of us and we often freeze. Each time we try to get going again we seemingly don’t know where to start. But as we push through, the bigger picture of our lives becomes more clear. Each experience serves as an essential element to make sense of it all.

Team Game

Working those puzzles with Ma was always a team game. And such is life. One of the best parts of puzzles and life is that we don’t have to do them alone. We can always get a fresh set of eyes on an issue when we’re stuck. We just need to ask. A new perspective can help us envision brighter possibilities. And we can work together to create something beautiful.

As you navigate the puzzles of life I hope that you’ll pause every so often to find the joy in the process. While it can be messy and frustrating, when it starts to come together you’ll be amazed at what you are able to see at that point. 

And as quickly as amazement appears, along will come another piece to that puzzle that will likely leave you bewildered. And that’s ok. Remember, you are not alone. Grab a friend or loved one. Sit them at your table. And work together to create something more beautiful than you ever imagined. 

– Dedication – 

Ma, thank you for always having a seat at your puzzle table ready for me. Thank you for pouring into my life in the way that you did. Thank you for helping me piece together some very broken pieces to my life’s puzzle. Those frayed edges serve as valuable lessons. I’m thankful for every one of them. And I have no doubt that the picture of my life at this moment would look very different without your love, support, and guidance along the way. I miss you and love you dearly, my forever puzzle partner.