Dr. James Whitfield

happiness

Blessed

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As I loaded up my truck with the gracious goodies that folks brought this Tuesday afternoon, I was filled with an immense sense of peace and gratitude. We’d made it to roughly the halfway point in the school year. And now it was time for a little rest and relaxation.

Photo Time Machine

This week I’ve had a great opportunity to slow down and reflect a lot. In my reflection I was reminded of just how very fortunate I am to be here at this moment, surrounded by a loving family and such a supportive group of friends and colleagues. One of the things I like to do in moments of reflection is go through old print photos. There’s just something about holding a photo in hand that draws me in every time.

On this occasion, several photos took me back 20 years. In one I was standing beside an Atlas Van Lines 18 wheeler, covered in snow. In others, the snow-capped mountains that seemed just outside the truck’s window, glistened. Instantly, it was as if I was back on the trip that would span the course of a little over two weeks in the winter of 2003.

On The Road Again

My college basketball playing days are over and I was still working to finish up my college degree via distance education. Then, one day, my friend, Joe, who drove for Atlas Van Lines, called me up about an opportunity to make some good money just before the holidays. Up till this point, moving furniture had largely been reserved to the summer months for me, but I couldn’t let this opportunity slip away, as I had little ones who were counting on Santa to come through.

There was a bit of apprehension, though. Not only would this mean leaving my kids for an extended period of time, I would now be away from my girlfriend, Kerrie, for longer than we’d ever been apart. In the months leading up to this trip we’d grown inseparable and I knew that she was the woman I ultimately wanted to spend my life with.

Nonetheless, I had plans, but no steady source of income yet, so I loaded up my gear, kissed them all goodbye, and headed out to traverse the country, unsure of when I may return. Life on the road is complex. The work of logistics and relocation is grueling. If you know, you know. 

Long Distance Love

Through the rumbling of those big wheels, and the sporadic cell service in various parts of the country, I’d lie in the bunk talking to Kerrie on the phone. We talked about everything, for hours at a time. While I had a PlayStation in the back to play at my leisure, talking to her was all I wanted to do.

Hearing her voice, the level of care and concern for me and the conditions we’d found ourselves in on the road. Cracking jokes and hearing her laughter filled me with warmth on those cold nights traversing the northern part of the country. She was my best friend and, though the distance, I could feel her presence.

A Proposal in the Making

I knew well before that trip that I wanted to marry this woman who lit up my life. Cracking jokes and hearing her laughter filled me with warmth on those cold nights traversing the northern part of the country. But then one night as we were talking, and I looked out into the blankets of snow falling around me, I committed to it in my mind – I’m getting a ring as soon as we get back and I’m going to ask her to marry me on Christmas Day.

That trip would span over two weeks. When I returned, it was shopping time. I went to Kerrie’s mother, Colleen, and asked for her blessing. Then, with her blessing, and by my side, Colleen and I went shopping for the perfect ring. Now, mind you, I don’t have a lot of money for this ring…but I was determined to make it work.

I secured the ring weeks before Christmas and it was a great challenge not to let it slip. I was so excited, nervous, anxious – all the feelings. 

Crazy Gary’s Blessing

Then, Christmas Day was here. We arrived at Kerrie’s mothers house where all the family had gathered. It was a small house, and it made for a very intimate setting for this occasion. I noticed Kerrie’s step-dad, affectionately known as “Crazy Gary”, slip out onto the porch and knew this was my opportunity to obtain his blessing to ask for his step-daughter’s hand in marriage.

Now, I don’t know about you, but the prospect of asking a guy named “Crazy Gary” for his step-daughter’s hand in marriage was pretty daunting. Gary was about as rough and tough of a guy as they came. A bear of a man at roughly 6’3”, 250 lbs, with a big, burly beard. He didn’t talk too much but you’d know when he did, as his voice boomed. And he was a member of the United Brothers Motorcycle Club. I’d come to know Gary as a big ole teddy bear in the days that would come but, in the moment, I was scared as HELL!

As I walked out on the porch, there he sat with a freshly popped Busch beer and cigar. He looked up at me and offered me a seat beside him and a beer. I cracked one open and we began to talk about life, work, me finishing school – all the things. At some point I’d worked up the courage to finally ask for his blessing.

“Gary”, I said, looking right at him.

As he looked back at me I asked “I’d like to ask for your blessing to ask for Kerrie to marry me.”

The next several moments felt like an eternity! 

Finally, with a steady and calm demeanor, Gary responded “are you sure you want to do that?”

In an instant, he let out a bellowing laugh that seemed to shake the porch. Then he said “of course, young man! Not that you need it but you have my full support. Now when are you gonna ask her?”

“Well, sir. I was kinda hoping to here in a few minutes’ ‘, I responded.

We laughed again, did a cheers with our Busch beers, then embraced in a hug.

Gary is no longer with us, but I will never forget the warmth he shared with me and how he took a serious moment and made it light, yet so very memorable. I carry that with me forever. Rest in peace my dear brother.

Yes!

As we re-entered the house it was clear that those inside heard our laughter. “Something sure was funny”, Kerrie said.

We opened gifts, laughed a lot, and ate. Then, it was time for the moment of truth. Colleen and Gary knew, my two kids knew, but no one else. On this Christmas, December 25, 2003, I dropped to one knee, popped out the ring, and asked “Kerrie, will you marry me?”

It felt like time stood still. And then she responded with a resounding “Yes!” We kissed. We hugged. And we were showered with congratulations from our dear family. I immediately told the story of what Gary had told me outside and it was met with thunderous laughter. Classic Crazy Gary!

Our Journey of Love and Growth

I’ll never forget that day, and all the days that led up to it. Those days would go on to shape the next 20 years of my life in such profoundly positive ways. 

It’s quite humbling and awe-inspiring to think back on our journey together. We were just two kids who’d worked extremely hard to climb out of some pretty tough childhood experiences. We were both finishing up our schooling and trying to figure out what life held for us. And, over the years, we have built a life together that is greater than anything I could’ve ever dreamed of when we started this journey two decades ago.

I’m forever grateful for the love, encouragement, and support my wife has showered upon me over the last two decades. It is my deepest hope and prayer that she has felt all of that reciprocated. Life with you, Kerrie, is the most amazing journey and I am so grateful that you said “yes”.

Stop and Smell the Roses

Life comes at us fast. And in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, changing careers, raising kids, and all the things that pop up along the way, it can be easy to forget just how far you’ve come.  I encourage you to – whether it’s an old box of photos, past writings, or scrolling through an album on Facebook – take a long look back at your journey. Undoubtedly, there will be moments such as I describe, and more, that will absolutely blow your mind. 

You haven’t made it here by accident. All that came before laid the foundation on which you stand today. Embrace it. Celebrate. And keep writing your unique and magical story.

 

Seniors

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A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of meeting with the senior class at my school. I took some time to sit down with each of them and get to know them better. I asked about their dreams, their family lives, and the things they were passionate about. This senior class is smaller than any I’ve ever served, but it allowed me to engage in some profound conversations with these students, serving as a powerful reminder of why I’m so passionate about my work.

Recommendations

Quite often, I’m asked to write college admissions recommendation letters for former students. Anytime I get a request like this I feel it to be a great honor, and work to oblige. I’ve gotten dozens of these over the years. That someone feels compelled to ask for my words as a recommendation is truly humbling.

But this year’s requests strike a bit of a different chord. These requests are coming from students who were caught up in the transition from middle to high school at the height of the pandemic. These are students who crossed the street with me from Heritage Middle School as 8th graders to Colleyville Heritage High School as Freshmen. This was the year I’d hand them their diploma in May. But due to unforeseen circumstances that none of us ever could have imagined, that is simply not a reality.

Experiences

Reflecting on the past two years, I find myself thinking about the journey that led me to be a panelist at the Education Law Association conference in Reno, Nevada this week. Our piece centered around the legacy of the landmark case, Brown v. Board of Education, and how it relates to the experiences of our students and families today. 

This weekend I attended a wedding that brought me to reconnect with students and families I’d served as CHHS when I was an assistant principal in the 2018-2019 school year. It was so great to reconnect with these young people and hear how their journey has played out. Each of them, college graduates well into the next phase of “adulting”. We reminisced on the journey from then to now, then celebrated the union of a beautiful couple.

Transition – From Middle School to High School During a Global Pandemic

Throughout my reflections, I can’t help but think of this year’s senior class at CHHS, especially those who joined me from Heritage Middle School. During the 2019-2020 school year, I was their middle school principal. Now, leading into the 2020-2021 school year, we’d make this journey together. Them, as high school freshmen. Myself, as a first-year high school principal. I’ve often pondered the challenges they faced during that transition, and just how amazing they truly are.

Before the world turned upside down in 2020, we had a blast at HMS. We organized various events, from ice cream socials to Veterans Day ceremonies. Our staff even did a surprise Thriller dance performance for our Halloween pep rally (with ya’ boy as MJ). But then, spring break arrived, and suddenly, we found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic. It was a time of uncertainty and chaos, and we had to quickly adapt to make education accessible for students stuck at home.

For so many, school had served as a sanctuary, a place of security, and that was taken away overnight. Families and staff members faced hardships daily, from illness to job loss to the loss of family members. We had to reimagine education, distribute laptops, and reassure families that we were there for them. Amid the chaos, we even organized a drive-through eighth-grade sendoff, a small gesture to acknowledge the importance of this transition in their educational journey.

They’s Always Watching

This brings me to the present, as I think about the Class of 2024. They have endured not only the pandemic but also a tumultuous space in time, filled with a lot of vitriol and toxicity. I’ve always believed that our students are watching us, learning from our actions and attitudes. As an educator responsible for their well-being, I strive to be a positive presence in their life, daily. I hope to convey that they are seen, heard, loved, and valued each day. 

I am also keenly aware that they are watching our every move – seeing if we’re just saying they’re “seen, heard, loved, and valued” or if we really mean it. And my goal has always been to show them the latter. Flowery words on mission statements are one thing. The way we go about educating the hearts and minds of young people and creating spaces where students can truly be is another. Students know who’s real and who’s not.

To the Class of 2024

So, seeing as though I will not be able to hand them that diploma in May or deliver my heartfelt remarks, here goes: 

As you approach the end of your high school journey, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the incredible strength, resilience, and determination you’ve demonstrated throughout these challenging years. Your class has faced the unprecedented trials brought on by the pandemic, and you have emerged stronger and more prepared for the future as a result. 

The last few years have been far from easy. You’ve navigated uncertainty, adapted to new ways of learning, and faced many disappointments and missed opportunities. Yet, in the face of these challenges, you’ve shown remarkable courage and resilience. You’ve learned to embrace change, to find opportunities within adversity, and to support one another in times of need.

Despite the hardships, I want you to remember the moments of triumph. Remember the friendships you’ve forged, and the personal growth you’ve achieved. You’ve become a part of history, a generation that didn’t just survive a global crisis but thrived in the face of it. Your resilience and the lessons you’ve learned will be one of your greatest assets as you move forward.

That ability to adapt and preserve through the tough days of life will serve you well in the years to come. Life has a way of throwing unexpected curveballs, and the experiences you’ve had in high school have equipped you with the resilience and problem-solving skills to tackle whatever comes your way. 

When these difficult moments come, I encourage you to embrace them, as they can be the foundation of greatness. At the moment, it may seem to be a failure, or it may actually be a failure. That’s ok. Remember, failure is not the end but the beginning of something extraordinary. Those who have achieved greatness have often stumbled along their journey. I hope you always know that, even in chaos, there are lessons to be learned. It’s okay to fall down – just don’t stay there.

You have served as an inspiration for myself and so many others. It was you that were at the forefront of my mind when I testified before Congress. You were with me as I shared my story through various media outlets, shining a light on what all the chaos was truly about – ensuring you have access to a safe, nurturing learning environment that affords you an excellent, robust education that prepares you for the world you will step into. 

Quite often, people ask me how on earth I do what I do – working with young people each day. A common refrain is “kids these days” with a tone of hesitancy. I always respond by telling them that I know “kids these days.” They are not a generation disconnected from us. I sit with them, listen to their hearts, celebrate their achievements, and question them when they might be on the wrong path. 

Now, as you stand on the threshold of the next chapter in your lives, take with you the knowledge that you are capable of great things. Continue to dream big, set ambitious goals, and pursue your passions with unwavering dedication. The future is full of possibilities. And I have no doubt that you will embrace them with the same courage and determination that have brought you to this point.

Your journey through high school during the pandemic has not defined you. But it has certainly shaped you into a generation that understands the value of unity, adaptability, and perseverance. As you embark on new adventures, whether in college, the workforce, or elsewhere, carry the lessons and strength you’ve gained with you. Your future is bright, and I can’t wait to see the incredible contributions you’ll make to the world.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. You have a network of support, including friends, family, teachers, and mentors, who believe in your potential. Keep reaching for the stars, stay true to your dreams, and never stop believing in yourselves.

While I may not be physically present as you transition from high school to the next leg of your journey, I will always be one of your biggest cheerleaders. You’ve made a significant impact on my life, and I hope that I’ve made a positive difference in yours. 

Congratulations on your achievements, and best of luck in all your future endeavors. Your resilience is an inspiration, and I have no doubt that you will achieve great things.

With love, admiration and unwavering support,

Dr. Whitfield 

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Paris

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I’ll be real with y’all – I’ve never understood people’s obsession with their pets. I had two puppies over the course of my crazy childhood. And, much like a tragic plot twist of a play, they’re were ripped from me before I ever really got a chance to feel the power of their presence.

Losing them just brought on more hurt. And I had enough of that, already. So, from an early age, I threw in the towel on pet ownership.Then I met Kerrie back in 2003.

I know what you’re saying…“wait, Kerrie’s you’re wife, not a pet”…hang in there with me, y’all!In her I knew I had found someone who I could spend my life with. The feeling was instantaneous. But there was one very big issue. I was very allergic to cats. And she had two of them. You’ve gotta be kidding me, I thought!

Whether it was just placebo or the fact that Kerrie didn’t play around with having cat dander everywhere, something worked. Over time I’d come to embrace Panther and Precious as my fur babies, and loved them so much, but it still wasn’t that particular obsession I’m taking about.

Panther and Precious passed on after two good, long lives spoiled by the best cat mom ever and we would go on to adopt two more, Toby and Tyson, as kittens. Without question, a deep love formed for them both, but not that “talk to em like they a real human” type of love, ya know?

An Unexpected Birthday Surprise

Then, just after Thanksgiving last year, we travelled out to east Texas to celebrate a rad little two year old (love you, Jaggy). It was a cold and rainy day, but all was bright inside as we celebrated his birthday. Towards the end of the party, in walked someone with this little kitten who’d lost her way from the rest of litter. She couldn’t have been more than a week or two old. Enter, Kerrie. Within minutes it was decided (against my vehement denial) that we’d inherited one more kitten.

In a matter of hours, as we traversed the highway back home with this kitten in Kerrie’s lap, something felt different about this pet. But I was still kind of in my feelings about not wanting ANOTHER cat.

Kerrie woke up many times throughout that first night to feed her. The next morning she whispered “honey, we don’t have to keep her if you don’t want. We can find her a good home.” In an instant I responded, “no ma’am. She is home.” I could go on and on about all the adventures with the little girl we affectionately named “Paris” (Paris, TX, ya dig?).

Who Rescued Whom?

But, most importantly, I just want to say to all the obsessive, over-the-top, pet lovers out there – I GET IT, now. You’ll have to check her out over on Instagram (Paris_Kitty_Whitfield), where you can get a glimpse of what the journey with her has been like. She’s brought so much joy to our lives.

Some would say we saved her but, truthfully, she’s the one that did the saving. I can’t imagine life without my girl!

Weekly With Whitfield – Unscripted

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As the days of 2023 dwindle down, only 16 weeks remain in this calendar year. To those who have faithfully followed my weekly reflections, thank you for being a part of this introspective journey. For those joining for the first time, a warm welcome. Regardless of where you stand, know that your presence is valued, and I’m genuinely delighted that you’re here. My wish is that this year has unfolded just as you’d hoped it would.

The Weekly Reflection Challenge

Writing this weekly blog has brought with it a unique and beautiful challenge. I have always been a deeply reflective person. But I cannot think of a time in my life where I dedicated time at the end of each week to reflect on what that time had presented me. There have been many weeks where I’ve struggled to find a word that truly captured my thoughts and feelings. But, every time, God laid something on my heart to share.

This journey has been an unscripted one. But such is life. I have no earthly idea what I’m going to write about at the beginning of each week. I won’t lie, early on, I tried to force it. But it never fit. The things I felt I needed to talk about or wanted to talk about never seemed to be what I actually wrote about, in the end. And this has made the journey more genuine, authentic, and therapeutic for me.

Unscripted Lessons

Life’s unscripted moments often hold the most profound lessons. While plans have their place, they can sometimes pale in comparison to the grand design that the universe, or in my case, God, has in store for us. We may attempt to force our personal narratives into the script, but more often than not, they fail to fit. Life’s greatest surprises, blessings, and revelations emerge when we relinquish control and embrace the unscripted. 

Reflecting on these past weeks, I am reminded that the most impactful adventures often arise when we surrender the pen that drafts our life’s script. I’ve gazed up in awe at the grace, mercy, and provision that God has bestowed upon me.

An Unforeseen Journey

This past holiday weekend I had the opportunity to visit Seaside, Florida with my family and good friends. This trip was not something we planned, but a generous opportunity was extended by some good friends. Completely unforeseen, all of a sudden, we were loading up the Expedition, headed to the Florida panhandle. 

Though brief in duration, those three days were filled with unforgettable moments, too numerous to recount in this humble blog post. What we lacked in time, we made up for in moments.

Finding Joy Amidst the Challenges

The trip was an absolute blast, not because everything unfolded perfectly – quite the contrary. We encountered our fair share of unexpected challenges, from navigating a busted golf cart in the dark to a tangle with jellyfish, and even a near mishap with a stop sign. Yet, in these seemingly exasperating moments, we found joy in these “you’ve gotta be kidding me” moments that popped up. 

This trip served as a vivid reminder of the beauty inherent in an unscripted life. Had I known about the golf cart’s sudden breakdown on our way to dinner, I might have opted for the car and missed out on the deep belly laughs and crazy commentary that filled that peculiar ride. There’s so much more to share, but some experiences defy adequate description – you truly had to be there. What I can attest to is that, despite the chaos, it was so much fun!

Navigating the Unchartered Waters of Life

As I reflect on the past week and the broader journey of my life, I’m so grateful that I’ve not held the script in my own hands. Many of the trying moments, pains, and frustrations I’ve endured would likely have been edited out in a quest to construct a “perfect” life. In doing so, I might have overlooked the remarkable treasures hidden just beyond the curtain of despair.

I don’t possess all the answers, and I’m content with that uncertainty. My path is one of faith, a willingness to embrace challenges, and an unwavering commitment to celebrating the moments of joy that grace my journey. I will continue to navigate the uncharted territory of this unscripted life, knowing that it is in these unanticipated moments where the true essence of existence thrives. And I hope you will, too.

Weekly With Whitfield – I’m Back

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On March 18th, 1995, a 16 year-old basketball junkie, would hear two words that sent him through the roof with excitement.

On October 6th, 1993, his favorite player walked away from the game of basketball in the prime of his career. Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player to ever grace the hardwood – I said it – announced his retirement from the NBA.

That kid was me. My mother and I had just watched his Chicago Bulls secure a three-peat just months earlier and all was well in the world. And I was completely devastated. But while my childhood hero was no longer in the game, my love for the game continued to grow. I was determined, like so many kids of that day, to be “Like Mike” (sorry, not sorry, for that jingle ringing in your head the rest of the day).

Wanna Be a Baller

Over the span of those two years I watched my game grow in ways I’d never imagined. I was putting in work. Everywhere I went, I had a basketball in my hand. If there was a good run going on somewhere, I was there.

I wore out the VHS tapes – Come Fly With Me, Michael Jordan’s Playground, Air Time, Above & Beyond! I’d watch a little bit, press pause, go out in the yard and try to emulate those moves, then come back in and watch some more; then do it all again…for hours.

When I wasn’t watching those tapes I was doing various leaping exercises. I was a small, scrawny runt, but I wanted to fly. I wanted to know the air up there. One of the things I did was alternating one legged jumps, working on my form, scraping my hand against the roof shingles. I was gauging how high based on where the scrape was. I had to get about half way up my arm before I could even consider attempting to dunk a basketball. 

I’d also wear ankle weights everywhere I walked. I remember when I’d take them off to hoop I felt like I was free. I was flying. And, while I was just a mighty 5’7”, pretty quickly those scrapes began to get higher and higher on my arm. And I did a horrible job of hiding them. So much so that one of my school counselors called me in for a well-check to make sure I was ok. When I explained to her how I’d come by those scapes she was a bit perplexed. I just smiled and said “come watch me play basketball. I’ll show you what I’ve been up to.”

It was over the course of this time that a spark was lit inside my soul. I know that, for some, this may sound silly. How on earth does a game have such an impact on one’s life? Well, for me it was much more than a game – it was a way out. And with each passing day I poured everything I had into being the best basketball player I could be.

I was still an average student in the classroom. But I was never one to speak up in class. If I could sit in your class and just get by without saying a word, I was good. My teachers and many of my peers I went to high school with didn’t hear me say too much. I was fairly quiet and a bit shy.

But when I stepped foot on that court it all changed. In an instant I transformed into something different. I like to call it passion. But I will be totally honest, that “passion” got me in plenty of trouble, as I was competitive as hell. I was driven to win and had a desire to completely destroy the person in front of me. By no means did I get the better of everyone that I faced. While I definitely tried, me getting the better of someone is not what I’m getting at here. 

The transformation that took place on that court came from an extreme confidence. Over the course of a couple years I’d gone from a relatively non-athletic, scrawny kid, to a dude that was dunking on guys that were over a foot taller than me. And that confidence and ability to do some pretty athletic things came from hard work, dedication, a desire to change my circumstances, and the devastation that came with Michael Jordan being away from the game.

While he may have stepped away, he never really did in my world, as I had him on repeat every single day. But then, on that day in March of 1995, something hit me differently when I heard wind of those two magical words “I’m Back” – the fax heard round the world. 

Transformation

Over the course of two years my whole world changed. In the midst of the chaos that surrounded me, I found a way to focus on where I wanted to be. I set goals. I was disciplined in my approach – no days off. And I was determined to use that round, orange ball to find a way out.

I never made the NBA, as I dreamed. But I did go on to fulfill a goal of playing collegiate basketball – something I always promised my mother I would do. 

But, as I reflect on those times – all the sweat, pain, soreness, mental and physical exhaustion, fighting poverty…you name it – I see how God was using basketball as a conduit to prepare me for the uncertain seasons of life. It’s why basketball has always been more than a game to me. God used a game to prepare me for the many “I’m Back” moments that would undoubtedly unfold on the other side of the mountain.

I’m Back

It has been a long road over the course of the last two years. I’ve been attacked by folks with nefarious agendas. We’ve received hate mail and death threats. I’ve been told by many folks who I’d held in high esteem that I’d never work in public education again in this area due to the media firestorm that accompanied my trials. Believe me, the book is coming. It has been one heck of a ride.

But I’ve also received support and encouragement from so many, near and far. I’ve connected with wonderful educators and advocates across the country along this journey. I’ve partnered with national organizations who are committed to supporting educators in their work. I’ve had the opportunity to testify before the House Subcommittee on Civil Rights and Civil Liberties with regard to classroom censorship. I’ve spoken to thousands of people in various keynotes, workshops, and panels. I’ve worked with preservice teachers to help prepare them for the climate they’re jumping into.

I reached back to the lessons learned by that young boy. I didn’t wallow in pity of devastation. While I was hurting and definitely had my share of challenging days, the strength of my faith refused to allow the obstacles to block my purpose. I got straight to work. I honed my craft, stayed true to my beliefs, and since Wednesday of this week…I’M BACK!!!

Weekly With Whitfield – Conflicted

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This week has been filled with conflicting emotions. Generally, it’s been positive and productive. But I’d be lying if I told you positivity stayed throughout the week. Thankfully, joy has outweighed pain, but as I searched for what to write about today I’ve been very, very conflicted.

Family Pool Days

We had the chance to have a backyard full of friends and family this past Sunday afternoon. I spent the day sweltering over the grill in the 100 plus degree Texas heat. But, man, was it worth it. In the hustle and bustle of daily life it is hard to nail down the whole extended family but, on this day, we did. Through my sweat-stinging eyes, I looked around that backyard and just took it in. I didn’t even get any pictures, that’s how tuned in I was. Like so many things of beauty, the image captured in real life – in the moment – is so much more powerful than any picture. The pictures simply don’t do it justice. My heart was filled with so much pride, joy, and contentment. 

Processing Loss

We are still reeling over the loss of our dear friend, Kim. Over the course of the last two weeks we’ve cycled through the stages of grief many times. While our faith is very strong, our human nature still kicks in from time to time. We try to make sense of something so tragic – something we’ll never be able to do. Then, we have moments of remembrance and joy that seem to push back the pain. And, soon thereafter, moments of anger well up in our souls. To anyone out there experiencing such loss, I hope you know that whatever you’re feeling is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up as you navigate the emotions that come with these tragedies that crop up in your life. Allow yourself to feel in order to heal.

Ahead to New Beginnings

I can see light at the end of the tunnel. While we’re still engaged in a form of litigation, one chapter of that sage comes to a close next Tuesday. While the last couple years have been some of the hardest in my life, I am still encouraged by the road ahead. I am so grateful for all the love, support, and encouragement that so many people extended our family throughout this time. I’ll never forget your kindness. My faith tells me that this road has prepared me for something far greater than I could ever imagine – such has been the case for my entire life. I’m excited to see what God’s hands will lay out for our family in the days to come. And I vow to give my very best to glorify His name through it all.

Wedding Bells

I get to officiate my first wedding this weekend in beautiful Cancun, Mexico.

That’s right, your boy is officially an ordained minister.

I’m so honored that my sister-in-law, my wife’s twin sister, Sandy, and her fiancé, Ricardo, have asked me to be part of their special day in such a way. My heart is so happy that they have found each other. 

Sandy is so much more than an “in-law” to me – she is the sister I never had and I love her dearly. To witness her pure joy and happiness means the world to me. As she will attest, I am very protective of her. She is a phenomenal human and deserves nothing but the very best in life. And, in Ricardo, I can see that she has found that. 

The same goes to Ricardo – he is such a wonderful human with a heart of gold, deserving of the very best in life. And, with Sandy, he’s found that. I’m so excited for them to begin this journey together. 

Rollercoaster of Life

Y’all, isn’t that real life? It’s never really in a straight line. Each day can carry its own unique opportunities and feelings. But I think it is key for us to remember to stand in each of those moments, granting us the space to simply be. So, while this week has been a bit more conflicting than normal…such is life. Understand that life brings with it conflicting emotions and contradictions, but you were made for these moments. We’re not guaranteed that this thing will be smooth and scripted. And, quite honestly, I’m glad…because that would be a pretty boring existence. Feel the pain, but don’t get stuck in it. Embrace the joy and don’t be afraid to share it with others. Love yourself and grant yourself the grace to be.

Weekly With Whitfield – Journey

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This week, I celebrated my 45th trip around the sun. I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that I am now 45 years old. My emotions are all over the place as I reflect on being here to see such a day.  As for most of us, life has been quite the adventurous ride, filled with trials and tribulations. And with each passing year I am filled with immense gratitude. As I reflect on the journey I can’t help but stand in complete awe of God’s grace, mercy, and steadfast love. As I looked around at the party that gathered at the restaurant I was consumed with feelings of warmth, gratitude, love, and joy. Good friends, my baby brother, my children, my beautiful bride – what more could a guy ask for? 

Thank you, Lord!

Out of the Darkness

As a young boy, I felt as though I’d never grow old. At least I couldn’t envision it. 

How the hell would I get there?

Time seemed to tick along, ever so slowly, as we navigated the challenges of daily life. 

I couldn’t see beyond the day. Try as I may, it was hard to envision brighter days. I was surrounded by chaos and often felt as though things may have been better for everyone if I’d never been born. 

As I lay in my bed each night I’d envision a world that didn’t include me. And, while I never contemplated taking my own life, the questioning of my existence, my purpose, persisted:

What is the meaning of this?

Why am I here?

Why so much pain, conflict, and struggle?

Those questions, and so many more, found their way into the recesses of my mind in the still of the night under the cover of darkness. Thankfully, along the way, God blessed me with so many people who saw me, believed in me, nurtured me, and loved me through the mess. As I celebrated my 45th birthday, surrounded by loved ones who’ve been part of this journey, I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude. Throughout my life, the people I’ve met, experiences I’ve lived, and the challenges I’ve overcome that helped that poor little boy from Midland, TX to resoundingly answer those questions of his existence. 

Embrace the Journey

Life’s journey is so very unpredictable. I have learned to embrace the beauty that lies in that. Each twist and turn presents a chance to learn and grow. And as I step into this next chapter, I carry with me the lessons learned, excited for the road ahead. 

On my birthday week, my wish for you is to embrace the journey, cherish every moment, and celebrate the beauty of this complex, yet beautiful, life. Don’t stop believin’!

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Humanity

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My wife and I finally got around to watching a show that had been on our list for a long while – Ted Lasso. I know. I know. We’re late to the game. We didn’t jump on the Lasso train early on but, my goodness, am I glad we finally did. Beyond its comedic brilliance, this show imparts valuable life lessons and offers so many powerful takeaways – far too many to list here – but mostly centered on human connection. Here are a few elements that stood out to me about the Lasso Way.

Optimism

Coach Lasso’s unwavering optimism in the face of adversity and conflict is inspiring. Despite relentless setbacks, he maintains a positive outlook. And this isn’t the toxic positivity of just pretending everything is ok or being naive. While optimistic, he often acknowledges the elephant in the room, head-on. Then he pushes forward. We can all take a page out of that playbook. Being optimistic does not necessarily mean that we walk around with rose-colored glasses all day. But it sure doesn’t help to throw them on every now and then and see things in a more positive light.

Empathy

Empathy lies at his core, taking the time to understand and deeply connect with others, showing genuine care and concern. As we embrace empathy it allows us to better understand and support those around us. Empathy derives from listening actively, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, and responding with kindness and understanding. When we recognize and validate people’s emotions, we create a safe space for open dialogue. We all need an empathetic ear at some point. Look for opportunities to practice this skill with those around you. In a society that can be so quick to cast shame and judgment, choose empathy.

Kindness

Dude’s a true leader – leading with kindness, mutual respect, and compassion. By treating everyone with dignity and respect (whether they have earned it or deserve it), he fosters a positive environment. Great leaders support and encourage others, they have a servant’s heart, and they are compassionate. Never underestimate the power of small acts of kindness. They can have a profound impact on the people around you. I encourage you to make a conscious effort to perform random acts of kindness each day – whether it be complimenting a stranger, a hand-written note, offering assistance to someone in need, or even a home-made box of biscuits.

Vulnerability 

Coach Lasso shows that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. He openly shares his own struggles and emotions with those around him, creating a space for others to do the same. When we embrace vulnerability in our own lives by opening up about your fears, insecurities, and challenges, we unlock a code. And, equipped with this code, we are able to foster deeper connections, which allows others the opportunity to provide support and understanding. If you haven’t done so lately, initiate a meaningful conversation with a loved one, friend, or colleague. Refuse to be limited by fears and insecurities. Utilize your secret weapon or vulnerability and, in turn, encourage others to do the same.

Relationships. Relationships. Relationships

The ability to forge genuine human connections is evident throughout the show. Coach Lasso’s approach to building relationships is grounded in trust, empathy, and open communication. Whether it’s forming a bond with a troubled player or forging unlikely friendships, his actions speak to the profound impact of meaningful connections on our well-being and happiness. It encourages us to invest time and effort into cultivating relationships that enrich our lives. People know when you care. And they know when you don’t. The power of human connection can change lives.

Forgiveness over Resentment

Resentment seems to be our default setting in most cases. And that was evident in the lives of so many of the characters of this show. But resentment shackles us to past trauma. Forgiveness is key to our personal growth. Our willingness to forgive doesn’t mean that our pain is not valid. Rather, our ability to forgive acknowledges the reality that exists and our power to refuse to be held hostage by someone else’s demons. We all have someone in our life to forgive. I encourage you to find that someone and work towards that reality, whether you feel they deserve it or not. Refuse the limitations of resentment.

Believe

And there’s so much more…but I don’t want to spoil the show for any who may not have watched it yet. I often wondered what all the hype was about, but after watching it is clear as to why Ted Lasso captured the hearts of viewers worldwide. While funny and witty, it also evokes deep emotional connectivity and asks us to look deep into the best parts of our being. As the world can be a tricky and often messy place to navigate, I have no doubt that this show will provide the breath of fresh air needed, anytime. Keep on Believin’!

***And here’s a beautiful montage that doesn’t spoil too much 🙂