Dr. James Whitfield

loss

Weekly With Whitfield – Legacy

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I love my kids. The impact they’ve made on my life can’t be quantified. Daily, I’m reminded of the great privilege it is to be their father. I feel the deep pride that comes with looking at all the great things they’re each doing in the various stages of their lives. There is a profound power that rises up in my soul when I think of the lengths I would go to protect them. My love for them knows no bounds.

With this week encompassing National Daughter’s Day and National Son’s Day, I couldn’t help but scroll through old photos. It’s crazy how technology has changed this aspect of reminiscing for me. Not too long ago, I would’ve been pouring over physical photo albums. Now, I have them on my phone. The process of selecting a handful of photos to share on a Happy National Daughter’s/Son’s Day was quite complex. Years upon years of so many beautiful memories. 

A Precious Stroll Down Memory Lane

During my stroll down memory lane, I came across a picture of my mother holding my oldest son, Jordan. And I sit with this photo, in deep thought, for a good while. Nearly two years before this photo, she’d been diagnosed with Leukemia. From the moment of diagnosis to the time of this picture (July of 1996) she’d undergone several rounds of chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant at M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX, gone in and out of remission, watched her eldest son (me) graduate high school, and, now, was able to hold her first grandchild.

This would be the only time she ever got to hold him. And it was as if she knew that this would be her final opportunity. My mother was not feeling well, at all, but was able to leave M.D. Anderson and she return to my grandmother’s house in Itasca, TX to celebrate my 18th birthday. My mother was one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, if not the strongest. But Leukemia doesn’t care how strong you are…neither does the chemo…it devours and denies.

And, while that is so true, on this day I saw my mother transcend the pain and absolutely glow as she held this beautiful baby boy in her arms. Most will agree that, rarely, do pictures fully capture the beauty of these moments. But as I look back on this picture it’s about as close to a true reflection as I’ve ever seen. The way she held him. My arm around her. My baby brother, Michael, just over her right shoulder with a bright smile. One would never guess that poison was running through her body. The immense pride in her smile still speaks to me. She was glowing.

Cherish the Day

I remember never wanting that moment to end. I sat by her side the whole time. Although weak from treatment, she did not want to let Jordan go. She held him. And held him. And sang to him. And played the piano for him. And sang to him some more. Soon, it was time to gather in my grandmother’s kitchen for them to sing “Happy Birthday” to me. Time stood still. It seemed like those candles were lit forever. I didn’t want to blow them out. Not for any dramatic symbolism or anything like that. I just didn’t want that moment to end. Eventually, I blew them out. My family did that ceremonial applause. And then we enjoyed the chocolate cake my grandmother had baked and enjoyed the rest of our visit. I’m so very grateful God gave us that day.

A Painful Farewell

Over the next 5 months my mother’s condition would worsen. We spent Christmas down in Houston at my grandmother’s apartment, as she’d refinanced her house to relocate to be with my mother throughout this time. This visit would not be as joyous. My dad, brother, put on our hospital gowns and face coverings and entered my mother’s room. She lay there, resting, her eyes closed, as they’d given her medication to ease the pain. As we approached, her eyes slowly began to open. While I fully knew the pain she was in, I still felt as though she was going to jump out of the bed. 

But this is not the movies – that didn’t happen. Instead, she slowly began to try to nudge her way up in her bed to sit up. She was alert and coherent, and that made me smile. I grabbed her frail hand and just sat by her side. We talked and tried to sing a few Christmas carols, as Christmas was my mother’s favorite time of the year. Through the pain, she smiled and even cracked a few jokes. The prognosis was looking worse than it had before, but I didn’t want to believe it. 

Heartbroken

I can’t describe the feeling that came over me when I left that hospital room that December evening. My mom, Beverly Jan Whitfield, turned 40 on December 30, 1996. Then on January 17, 1997, she passed from this earth. To this day, I remember, vividly, each detail of that day. My whole world flipped upside down. I lost my best friend, my everything, on that day. And it would take me years to see past the anger and pain and towards the possibility of brighter days.

Over time it started to hit me, just how lucky I was to have her as an example of how a parent should love their kids. As I sit here at 45 years old – a whole 5 years older than my mother was when she passed away – I’m reminded of just how strong my mother was in those final years and in that final Christmas with my brother and I. To look out into your children’s eyes and love them so deeply, yet know that you will likely miss all the key moments of their lives. While I know my mother knew she’d be with her Heavenly Father when she left this earth, I also know that she was a human and that must have caused such pain deep in her soul. But she never let it show. I cannot begin to imagine such pain.

An Enduring Legacy

The journey from then to now has been quite an adventure. And that adventure has included the three amazing young people I’m so proud to call my own. It’s hard to imagine what life would be like without each of their unique presence in my life. I praise God for each day I get to be with them. I know, all too well, that every single day is a special gift and I do my best to cherish it. Not a day passes that I don’t think about my mother and what life would be like with her physical presence.

But her powerful presence lives within me. She nudges me in moments of uncertainty or fear. I can feel her pride when I accomplish something I set out to do. Her strength props me up when I’m faced with things that seem impossible. I feel her in moments of joy. She is my ultimate guide along this journey of parenthood, as she left such an amazing blueprint. Throughout the days of my life I commit to building upon the legacy my beloved mother left us.

Weekly With Whitfield – Faith

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Life will always present challenges. Without fail, difficult days are sure to come as we navigate our lives. They come in many forms – from losing a job to facing a serious illness to coping with the death of a loved one, life can seem overwhelming at times. When faced with challenges, it’s easy to feel lost, alone, and afraid. This is where faith kicks in. But, let’s not pretend that faith is some magical potion. Sometimes, it’s hard to find.

Why Faith Escapes Us, At Times

While faith isn’t necessarily magical, it is a powerful thing. Standing in faith gives us hope, strength, and peace in the midst of our struggles. But, at times, faith can seem out of reach for many reasons:

  • Life can be hard. We can become overwhelmed by the moment and lose faith. We question why God would allow us to suffer in such a way. This allows our mind to play tricks on us, making us feel like we are all alone. Then, as we give in to isolation, faith diminishes and despair sets in.
  • We live in a world that is full of confusion and doubt. Whether it’s the news, social media, or even some of our own friends and family, we are often bombarded with messages of doubt. Over time, this toxicity and pessimism can make it hard to have faith in anything.
  • Many of us may have had bad experiences with religion. As I watch the Christian faith become more and more hijacked and weaponized, I’m reminded of so many friends who want nothing to do with religion. Many of them have been hurt by people who claim to be religious. It saddens me to see my faith used as a tool of exclusion, bigotry, and hate. 

A Disclaimer

I’ll start by saying this – I’m a Christian, and I find my strength in Jesus Christ and the promises made in the Bible. I understand that not everyone reading this may be Christian, and that’s ok. It still remains my hope that you are able to use these words, in some way, as you navigate your faith journey. 

Through The Fire

The Bible is full of examples of how faith brings forth the power to overcome. But one that always stands out to me is that of brother Job. He was a righteous man who devoted his life to the service of god. Job held great wealth and had a large family. But one day, his life got flipped upside down.

Satan proposed a challenge to God, saying that Job would only serve Him because he was living a good life. Surely, if Job saw days of strife he’d turn his back on God. But God knew better. So he accepted the challenge and allowed Satan to test Job’s faith by causing him to suffer.

Throughout his trials, our dear brother Job lost everything: his livestock, his servants, his children, and even his health. He was covered in boils and was so sick that he could barely move.

Seeing Job suffering, his friend’s came to visit him – something was terribly off. But instead of extending comfort and grace, many accused him of sinning. Surely Job must have done something wrong to deserve such pain and suffering.

This left Job angry and confused. He could not reconcile or understand why God was allowing such grim days. But through his anger, Job never gave up his faith in God.

Faith Carries

Job’s faith was tested to the limit, but it never broke. He knew that, ultimately, God was still in control, even though he couldn’t answer the question of “why?”. 

His extreme faith offered hope in the midst of despair. That faith gave him the fortitude to press on, even when things seemed at their worst. And, armed with that strong faith, Job had the peace of mind needed to know that everything was gonna be alright in the end. 

Ultimately, God restored Job’s fortunes. He gave him back everything he had lost…and more. And Job went on to live a long and prosperous life.

Job’s story is a reminder that faith can carry us through even the most difficult challenges. When we face suffering, it is easy to lose our way – but we must never forget to face those challenges with an unrelenting faith.

Reflections 

As I think back on life, I’m reminded of so many times where I definitely didn’t understand the struggle I was faced with. Throughout my journey, I faced numerous challenges, starting with trying to break free from an impoverished environment. Then, tragically, losing my mother to leukemia at the age of 19. And, if all those lumps were not enough, the path to enter the education profession was arduous, but I persevered. Then, as I rose in my career, I encountered opposition from individuals with questionable motives, putting my faith to the test repeatedly.

But, through it all, I found solace in the promise of God’s word and provision. While it may have been hard to see in some of those moments, I always knew there was something greater on the other side of the challenges I faced.

Saying Goodbye

This week we faced another great test of faith as we laid one of our dear friends to rest. When something as tragic as this happens we’re left with all sorts of questions and even feelings of anger. As we try to wrap our minds around the senselessness of it all it can become all-consuming. 

But, in the end, I choose to turn to faith. Knowing that our dear friend is at rest in the arms of our Heavenly Father and will see no more pain. I have faith that, one precious day, we will be united with her, and so many of our dear loved ones, when we’re called home. And I have faith that, while she may be gone from this earth, her legacy of protection and advocacy for others will live on in the lives of so many. Our faith has carried us through yet another dark and tragic moment in our lives, and will propel us forward in our unique purpose in the days ahead.

Keep The Faith

If you are facing a challenge in your life, I encourage you to put your faith in God. He is with you, and He will help you to overcome whatever you are facing. Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time in prayer. Refuse to give up. And, remember…this is a team game – you’re not in this alone. I’m rooting for you! Keep the FAITH!

Weekly With Whitfield – Champion

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This life we live is so complex. One day it’s a celebration of loved ones. The next, you’re getting a late night call that one of your best friend’s has been taken from this world in the most tragic of ways. Your life is, unexpectedly and completely, upended in that moment. In an instant, the weight of life seems unbearable. It’s just so damn heavy!

Such has been the case for us. My wife, Kerrie, lost her best friend, Kimberly Knapp, this Monday evening. The circumstances surrounding her death are not what I want to discuss here. All those things are in the hands of law enforcement for them to work through. And I would be remiss if I did not add a note about the service these first responders and law enforcement officials have provided our dear friend’s family. 

When something like this happens, they’re working ‘round the clock to do a thorough investigation. This means tremendous personal sacrifice and a huge level of work that largely goes on behind the scenes. We are so grateful for the many individuals around our nation who serve in this capacity – in this case, specifically, the Saginaw, TX police department. Thank you all.

I just want to pay tribute to a dear friend who has been by our side for two decades, and my wife’s for much longer.

First Impressions

I first met Kim a couple months after Kerrie and I began dating 20 years ago. At the time, I was working as a mover, traveling on an 18 wheeler across the country. And it was clear, even in those early days, that Kerrie was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. Each night, as I lay in the bunk of the cab of the truck, I’d pick up my Nokia phone and call her. I couldn’t wait to hear how her day was.

On one particular evening it was clear she wasn’t feeling well. She wasn’t her usual, spirited, self and I was really worried about her. The next day I received a call from her best friend, Kim. She told me that she’d called off work for the day and she was heading over to Kerrie’s apartment to take her to the doctor. She was so worried about her friend, as Kerrie rarely got sick. At that time we were all just poor kids trying to make it. And taking off work meant losing a day’s wages…and that was HUGE.

As I got off the phone with Kim I remember thinking that I could count on one hand the people who would drop everything in an instant to be there for me. And I reflected on the character of those people. It may not seem like a big deal to most. But to me, it resonated deeply. I knew that Kim was that friend who would go above and beyond for her friends and loved ones. And, over time, that circle would expand so much farther than I could have envisioned way back then.

Going to the Chapel

On Christmas Day of 2003, I asked Kerrie to marry me. We quickly set a date of August 21, 2004 and got to planning. One of the first items we checked off of our list was bridesmaids and groomsmen. Kerrie quickly asked Kim to be by her side for our special day. Ecstatically, Kim accepted. 

Soon, it was time for our wedding shower. Our friends and family threw such a wonderful gathering for us.  As we neared the end of the shower Kim asked me to join her away from the party for a brief conversation. When we got to a quiet place to talk she began by expressing how thankful she was that Kerrie and I found each other. She talked about how happy it made her to see Kerrie find true love and happiness. Tears were shed. Hugs were exchanged.

And then Kim switched gears – real quick. She said “now that’s my girl. You better take care of her or you’re gonna have to deal with me!” It was one of those moments where we both sort of chuckled, but we also knew she meant business. Kim wasn’t playin’ around. She loved Kerrie so much, and her happiness meant the world to her. She wanted to be sure I knew that it was critical to protect that. Kim was the ultimate protector and advocate for her people.

Protector

Years later, Kim would find the love of her life, John, and they would marry. And on that special day, Kerrie was right by her side as a bridesmaid. Soon after her wedding, she would put aside her roles in the hospitality industry and pursue law school at Baylor University. Kim was determined to be a criminal defense lawyer. Over those years she was in law school, we rarely saw Kim. She was in those books. And that hard work and dedication paid off as she graduated and became a criminal defense lawyer in Fort Worth, TX. 

Kim would go on to be a Senior Partner of her own law firm, Knapp Begley Law, PLLC. Her specialty – protecting the rights of those who have been criminally charged, ensuring they have thorough and thoughtful counsel. Over the course of this time she also found her way to Texas Wesleyan University, as an adjunct professor. Kim won numerous awards throughout her illustrious career that was cut far too short. 

That she ended up in a profession that seeks to protect was no surprise to me. It’s who she was. I saw it, time after time, through the years. Kim was protective of those she knew and loved. And now she was extending that same protection and care to complete strangers – those who needed assistance navigating the complexities of the legal system in their time of need.

Spirit

If you ever got to hang out with Kim, you know how much fun she was. No matter the space, who was there, no matter what – she stood out. Every room she entered became brighter when she entered. 

This past Saturday we had the opportunity to hang out with Kim for, what would be, the last time any of us would see her alive. We had a huge pool party with friends and family to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my sister-in-law and her fiancé. 

As she jumped in the pool I heard a familiar refrain “James, I’ve gotta talk to you!’ Kim was definitely in the house. If I’ve heard that phrase once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. And you never know what the conversation may end up being. Sometimes it’s about work. Other times it’s about the state of the world and what we can all do to make it better. And other times it could be about life, in general. But it was always going to be a robust and engaging conversation.

Pain

We are absolutely heartbroken! I’ll miss hearing “James! I’ve gotta talk to you!”. I’ll miss those conversations. 

I will miss popping into my wife’s salon and seeing her sitting in the chair to get her “hair did”. 

I’ll miss her joy. 

I will miss the way she cared for her people. 

I’ll miss her can-do spirit and tenacity. 

I will miss the vacation shenanigans.

And I will definitely miss the fun that was to be had when we got the chance to hang out. 

I will miss her, dearly.

Hope Through Pain

Losing Kim in such a way quickly reminds of all the pain that exists in the world. So often, this world can seem like such a huge mess. It can be all-consuming. This loss cuts so very deep, leaving a void that is impossible to fill – a crushing weight on our hearts, minds, and souls. Questions of “why” and “how” are on repeat in our minds. 

But in the wake of this senseless tragedy we are also reminded of the goodness of the people around us. To watch Kim’s family be wrapped up in so much love and support has been quite inspiring. As the tributes and stories of Kim pour in I am reminded of the tremendous and powerful impact our dear friend had on the lives of so many. 

To experience the thoughtfulness of so many who have reached out to us with condolences and kind gestures is a great reminder of the good in the face of pain. The strength of human compassion never fails. To watch so many come together, united by empathy and a desire to alleviate the pain has been uplifting. This collective support serves as a lifeline, helping Kim’s friends and family navigate this difficult path of grief, reminding us that we’re not alone.

While the pain of losing Kim can never be fully erased, the hope arising from the compassion of others will slowly allow us all to take small steps forward. And, little by little, through the pain I will try to smile, as I know that is what she would want for us all. Her loss has been heavy on so many, but I am hopeful that she is wrapped in the arms of our Heavenly Father. And that, coupled with knowing the legacy she leaves, brings me a bit of solace as we look to the days ahead.

In Memory Of

Kim, we’ll miss you, dearly, my friend. While your loss is deeply tragic we will hold fast to the many joyous memories. Thank you for being a great friend to Kerrie and I – for loving us so. Thank you for being there for us and for the light you brought into so many lives. I have no doubt that each bit of light you shared with us all will continue to illuminate as we navigate the days of our lives. Thank you for being one of greatest Champions! Rest easy, dear friend. We love you!