Dr. James Whitfield

life

Still

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This week I found out that I will be a Grandfather to a precious baby girl next summer. As we watched the video of their adorable gender reveal, chills ran through my body. As the slice of cake transitions from black and white to reveal the pink center, my heart melts. I am going to be a girl grandpa!

Be Still and Commit to the Process

I swear I had my final reflective word for 2023 picked out for about a month now. It was gonna be something real sly to cap off the year. But now, equipped with this marvelous revelation, I was reminded of one of the strongest lessons this whole process has taught me – don’t get too far ahead of yourself. It defeats the purpose of being in a state of true reflection. Just BE STILL in the moment and allow yourself the space to simply BE.

When I began this journey I thought the biggest challenge would be actually finding the time to actually write it. While there have been times where I got the piece out on a Saturday instead of a Friday, each week I found ways to get it done. I was committed to the process.

There were a few weeks where writer’s block kicked in. Several weeks were largely a blur, and there just didn’t seem to be anything that really jumped out. It was in those moments where I realized there was a need to dig deeper, beyond surface reflections. I also came to rest, knowing that each week didn’t have to be some profound, life-changing reflection. Sometimes it was just a simple lesson I may have been reminded of, a family member I’d thought about, the love and appreciation I have for my wife, or the deep love and gratitude that comes with being a father. 

Over time, it became what it was supposed to be – a truly reflective journey. It didn’t have to be some cataclysmic event that happened in the world, or to me. It could be as simple as embracing the time and space to sit, think, feel, and be. To say this year has been transformative in this sense is an understatement. Quite honestly, I could not have written a more fitting script to finish out this year’s journey. 

Grandpa Era

I’m so excited to embark on the new year. I know that 2024 will bring about a new, beautiful transformation as I enter my Grandpa Era. My grandparents are no longer with us. Kerrie’s have passed on, as well. In our small, close-knit family, the only grandparent that’s around for our children is Kerrie’s mother, Colleen. Both of our fathers live out of state and we don’t get an opportunity to see them much at all. And there is not a day that passes that I don’t think about how much of a presence my mother would be in Jordan, Lauren, and Landon’s lives. 

It’s quite perplexing how some who have every opportunity to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives will find every opportunity not to. Then you have those who you know would give their last breath for their grandchildren, yet they have no breath left to give. I know that’s just the way life goes, but the irony can be infuriatingly confusing.

Through it all, I can only control what I can control. And that is simply being who I need to be for my family. By no means a perfect man, but a steady, positive presence in the lives of the people I love. 

Long ago I came to the realization that it’s not necessarily others who disappoint us. It’s our expectations of others to do something that is simply beyond their capacity that disappoints us. So, with that, I choose to lean into it, control what I can control, let go of resentment, love from afar, and be for my family that which I longed for as a child, young man, and now, as an adult. 

None of this ever came down to earthly possessions for me. The person who loved me more than anything in this world had nothing material to leave me when she left the earth. But what she did leave was her spirit of love, affection, and compassion. She left her relentless work ethic and tenacity for standing up for those in need. She left me her joy in the face of adversity, her ability to take notice, and celebrate the small things in life. My mother left me with a legacy that dwells deep within my soul. She sits here with me, today, on what would be my mother’s 67th birthday, putting the final touches on my last reflective piece of 2023. Happy Birthday, Mama! I love you! Thank you for continuing to guide my hand in all things!

Transitioning to What’s Next

This has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done…and that’s coming from someone who’s undergone the grueling beast of completing a pretty arduous doctoral program. I’ve tried to keep it as authentic and raw as I possibly could. There were moments of joy, pain, chaos, clarity, peace, conflict, anger, frustration, comfort, learning, unlearning, and everything in between. And isn’t that life? This journey has left an indelible impact on the way I will navigate the next chapters that unfold. 

Many asked if I will continue these weekly reflections. I’ve yet to land on a firm answer to that question, but it definitely is my plan to continue to grow as a writer. And, with that, comes a lot of writing.

Prior to January of this year, much of my writing was in isolation – for my eyes only – hyper-focused on capturing my experience since July of 2021, when our world absolutely imploded. It has always been my hope to partner with a publisher, at some point, to tell that story. Not so much the story the media wanted to run with, but the real story that needs to be shared. A narrative that helps shine a light on what truly plagues our communities, and how we build a meaningful way forward for our kids and each other.

This year has given me the space to take a step back from a trauma-filled last couple years. This process has slowly allowed me to reclaim pieces of me that had been beaten, battered, and stripped away. While the healing continues to this day, I am in a much better place through taking this year’s journey. I have started the process of narrowing down prospective agents to help guide this endeavor and I am excited to see what’s next!

Acknowledgments

I want to thank you all for joining me on this crazy journey. Even those who may have just popped in for one or two blogs – I appreciate you. I hope you found something that resonated with you. 

Some of you have been consistent partners in this endeavor to complete this journey. Truly, my biggest cheerleaders. Each week you’ve left feedback on my website or you’ve made comments when I’ve posted my musing is in longform on social media. There are far too many of you to thank individually. Please know that I am forever grateful for you. 

To my amazing wife, Kerrie – thank you so much for always believing in me and pushing me on towards things I once thought impossible. You inspire me every day. I am so very fortunate to have you by my side on this magically wild ride through life. You are my rock, my best friend, my everything! I love you!

To my children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon – you are God’s greatest gifts. I’m so honored to be your father. It has been such a joy to watch your journeys unfold; each so very unique, yet similar, at the same time. You enrich my life in more than I can put together in words. Thank you for being my north star, my loves! I’m forever in your corner!

The Gift of the Next Chapter 

Every day. Each week. Each month that we get is truly a gift, no matter where we may land on the spinning wheel of emotion and circumstances. Sooner or later, things will get better. And, in a moment, things can get worse. But the wheel will keep on turning. 

It is my deepest hope and prayer that as you navigate the days and weeks ahead is that you will grant yourself the grace to be still in the moments. Whether good or bad, there are lessons to be learned but so often we’re too busy trying to move to the next leg of the journey that we miss them. 

Make time to reflect often. It doesn’t have to be a blog post. It could be a sticky note, a note on your phone, a text to a loved one with your thoughts – it can be whatever. But make the time to practice self-reflection. I encourage you to make a habit of it. Set a frequent reminder to do so to begin. Over time, I guarantee you’ll find yourself more dialed in than you’ve ever been and you won’t need the reminder.

For many of us, we will be embarking on new endeavors as the calendar year turns. For some (myself included), it will be the all too familiar chase of better health in the new year. Others may be looking to transition to a new career path or promotional aspirations. There’s a couple (or two) out there who are venturing out into the new waters of a serious relationship. And some families out there are looking to become first time parents.

In all situations, trust the process. There will be times of frustration. There will be times that things are going smoothly. And there will be times where it will seem frustratingly smooth. It’s all part of your unique journey towards what’s next for you. I can’t wait to see what the new year brings you! 

Thanks again for being here! Wishing you peace and abundance in your next chapter, and beyond!

 

Blessed

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As I loaded up my truck with the gracious goodies that folks brought this Tuesday afternoon, I was filled with an immense sense of peace and gratitude. We’d made it to roughly the halfway point in the school year. And now it was time for a little rest and relaxation.

Photo Time Machine

This week I’ve had a great opportunity to slow down and reflect a lot. In my reflection I was reminded of just how very fortunate I am to be here at this moment, surrounded by a loving family and such a supportive group of friends and colleagues. One of the things I like to do in moments of reflection is go through old print photos. There’s just something about holding a photo in hand that draws me in every time.

On this occasion, several photos took me back 20 years. In one I was standing beside an Atlas Van Lines 18 wheeler, covered in snow. In others, the snow-capped mountains that seemed just outside the truck’s window, glistened. Instantly, it was as if I was back on the trip that would span the course of a little over two weeks in the winter of 2003.

On The Road Again

My college basketball playing days are over and I was still working to finish up my college degree via distance education. Then, one day, my friend, Joe, who drove for Atlas Van Lines, called me up about an opportunity to make some good money just before the holidays. Up till this point, moving furniture had largely been reserved to the summer months for me, but I couldn’t let this opportunity slip away, as I had little ones who were counting on Santa to come through.

There was a bit of apprehension, though. Not only would this mean leaving my kids for an extended period of time, I would now be away from my girlfriend, Kerrie, for longer than we’d ever been apart. In the months leading up to this trip we’d grown inseparable and I knew that she was the woman I ultimately wanted to spend my life with.

Nonetheless, I had plans, but no steady source of income yet, so I loaded up my gear, kissed them all goodbye, and headed out to traverse the country, unsure of when I may return. Life on the road is complex. The work of logistics and relocation is grueling. If you know, you know. 

Long Distance Love

Through the rumbling of those big wheels, and the sporadic cell service in various parts of the country, I’d lie in the bunk talking to Kerrie on the phone. We talked about everything, for hours at a time. While I had a PlayStation in the back to play at my leisure, talking to her was all I wanted to do.

Hearing her voice, the level of care and concern for me and the conditions we’d found ourselves in on the road. Cracking jokes and hearing her laughter filled me with warmth on those cold nights traversing the northern part of the country. She was my best friend and, though the distance, I could feel her presence.

A Proposal in the Making

I knew well before that trip that I wanted to marry this woman who lit up my life. Cracking jokes and hearing her laughter filled me with warmth on those cold nights traversing the northern part of the country. But then one night as we were talking, and I looked out into the blankets of snow falling around me, I committed to it in my mind – I’m getting a ring as soon as we get back and I’m going to ask her to marry me on Christmas Day.

That trip would span over two weeks. When I returned, it was shopping time. I went to Kerrie’s mother, Colleen, and asked for her blessing. Then, with her blessing, and by my side, Colleen and I went shopping for the perfect ring. Now, mind you, I don’t have a lot of money for this ring…but I was determined to make it work.

I secured the ring weeks before Christmas and it was a great challenge not to let it slip. I was so excited, nervous, anxious – all the feelings. 

Crazy Gary’s Blessing

Then, Christmas Day was here. We arrived at Kerrie’s mothers house where all the family had gathered. It was a small house, and it made for a very intimate setting for this occasion. I noticed Kerrie’s step-dad, affectionately known as “Crazy Gary”, slip out onto the porch and knew this was my opportunity to obtain his blessing to ask for his step-daughter’s hand in marriage.

Now, I don’t know about you, but the prospect of asking a guy named “Crazy Gary” for his step-daughter’s hand in marriage was pretty daunting. Gary was about as rough and tough of a guy as they came. A bear of a man at roughly 6’3”, 250 lbs, with a big, burly beard. He didn’t talk too much but you’d know when he did, as his voice boomed. And he was a member of the United Brothers Motorcycle Club. I’d come to know Gary as a big ole teddy bear in the days that would come but, in the moment, I was scared as HELL!

As I walked out on the porch, there he sat with a freshly popped Busch beer and cigar. He looked up at me and offered me a seat beside him and a beer. I cracked one open and we began to talk about life, work, me finishing school – all the things. At some point I’d worked up the courage to finally ask for his blessing.

“Gary”, I said, looking right at him.

As he looked back at me I asked “I’d like to ask for your blessing to ask for Kerrie to marry me.”

The next several moments felt like an eternity! 

Finally, with a steady and calm demeanor, Gary responded “are you sure you want to do that?”

In an instant, he let out a bellowing laugh that seemed to shake the porch. Then he said “of course, young man! Not that you need it but you have my full support. Now when are you gonna ask her?”

“Well, sir. I was kinda hoping to here in a few minutes’ ‘, I responded.

We laughed again, did a cheers with our Busch beers, then embraced in a hug.

Gary is no longer with us, but I will never forget the warmth he shared with me and how he took a serious moment and made it light, yet so very memorable. I carry that with me forever. Rest in peace my dear brother.

Yes!

As we re-entered the house it was clear that those inside heard our laughter. “Something sure was funny”, Kerrie said.

We opened gifts, laughed a lot, and ate. Then, it was time for the moment of truth. Colleen and Gary knew, my two kids knew, but no one else. On this Christmas, December 25, 2003, I dropped to one knee, popped out the ring, and asked “Kerrie, will you marry me?”

It felt like time stood still. And then she responded with a resounding “Yes!” We kissed. We hugged. And we were showered with congratulations from our dear family. I immediately told the story of what Gary had told me outside and it was met with thunderous laughter. Classic Crazy Gary!

Our Journey of Love and Growth

I’ll never forget that day, and all the days that led up to it. Those days would go on to shape the next 20 years of my life in such profoundly positive ways. 

It’s quite humbling and awe-inspiring to think back on our journey together. We were just two kids who’d worked extremely hard to climb out of some pretty tough childhood experiences. We were both finishing up our schooling and trying to figure out what life held for us. And, over the years, we have built a life together that is greater than anything I could’ve ever dreamed of when we started this journey two decades ago.

I’m forever grateful for the love, encouragement, and support my wife has showered upon me over the last two decades. It is my deepest hope and prayer that she has felt all of that reciprocated. Life with you, Kerrie, is the most amazing journey and I am so grateful that you said “yes”.

Stop and Smell the Roses

Life comes at us fast. And in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, changing careers, raising kids, and all the things that pop up along the way, it can be easy to forget just how far you’ve come.  I encourage you to – whether it’s an old box of photos, past writings, or scrolling through an album on Facebook – take a long look back at your journey. Undoubtedly, there will be moments such as I describe, and more, that will absolutely blow your mind. 

You haven’t made it here by accident. All that came before laid the foundation on which you stand today. Embrace it. Celebrate. And keep writing your unique and magical story.

 

Resonance

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The Christmas season always brings forth feelings of deep nostalgia for me. It’s amazing how deeply my early Christmas seasons have left such a profound imprint on my life. 

This time of year was always so very complex in my youth. On one hand, we struggled mightily. And on the other, there was a deep sense of peace and joy. I think of my dear mother most every day of my life, but it always hits differently around the holidays.

A Festive Determination

My mother would pick up extra shifts and work tirelessly to try to make the season more festive in our home. But, most importantly, I was always very aware of the true reason for the season, celebrating the birth of Jesus, who came into this world to live, inspire, bring hope and, ultimately, face persecution so that we shall have a chance at eternity. She made that crystal clear. 

Sing Me a Sweet Melody

Joy filled our little frame house. I’d sit by my mothers side each night on her piano bench. Beautiful melodies reverberated through her fingers, to the piano keys, and into the air, accompanied by her majestic voice. I’d sing my little heart out. In these days of limited technology, we’d record cassette tapes of us singing Christmas carols and hymns to send to my grandparents who we rarely got to see for Christmas, as they were hundreds of miles away. 

The rhythm of this time of year never got old. Ever. I can see it as clear today as then. I can feel it. Perhaps it is these joyous feelings and memories that help to fill the gap of her loss. Her song continues in my soul.

Set Your Pride Aside 

We never had much, by way of earthly possessions. And I was well aware that Santa wouldn’t have enough bandwidth to bring me the things he brought some of the other kids. But I was always grateful for what did show up. I knew that Santa had done all he could and that was fine with me. 

My mother was a very strong-willed person. One of the strongest people I’ve ever known. Despite her resilience, she held her pride in check — never letting it  keep her from accepting help when our family needed it most. This taught me an invaluable lesson: true strength doesn’t lie in having the “I got this” mindset, but in the courage to acknowledge when support is really needed, humbly asking, and graciously accepting.

Always Lend a Helping Hand

Invariably there would come a time where my mom would find someone else who seemed to be in a more precarious position than we were. As a kid I didn’t get it and, like many young kids, I was worried solely about what I needed or wanted, not necessarily the needs of others. It’s not that I didn’t care. I was actually quite a caring young boy. But in the midst of all we faced it was very hard to see beyond. My mother always made sure I did.

She taught me that even when you don’t have much for yourself, much less to offer others, there’s always a way to extend a helping hand. Her heart was rooted in the belief that, regardless of our circumstances, there was always an opportunity to help others. She reminded me, often, that there is always someone else who always has less, and by sharing what we can, we contribute to brightening their day, much like so many had brightened ours. Through her example, I learned that the true essence of giving lies not in the magnitude of the offering, but in the intention and love behind it. And as we open our hearts to be mindful of others we create ripples that go far beyond anything we could ever imagine.

Joyful, Joyful Amidst Struggle

My mother always showed me how to find joy amid the struggles of life. In times of adversity, she emphasized the importance of having a spirit of gratitude, reminding me that even in the storms, there is always something to be thankful for. She firmly believed that challenges presented opportunities for personal growth and the discovery of one’s true strength. I can’t tell you the number of times I looked at her and thought “how do you always find a silver lining?” But that’s just what she did, always moving forward with a deep appreciation for the lessons embedded in the chaos. Her lessons and spirit have been a guiding force in my life, leading me to face challenges with resilience and gratitude, echoing her profound wisdom – to find joy even in the midst of trials, growing stronger through them, and to be grateful for the enduring lessons brought forth by them.

My Wish For You

For those who may be experiencing yet another holiday without a dear loved one – or perhaps this is your first season – I extend my love and prayers to you. These moments are, indeed, trying. It is my deepest hope and prayer that, as you navigate the feelings of pain, grief, and loss, you can find your way back to joy. That you can reach back to those beautiful memories and lessons learned. That you find peace in the midst of it all. 

You deserve it. And I know, without question, those who have gone before you are smiling down right now, nodding in agreement. Sending peace, comfort, love, light, and strength your way in this season and all the days of your life. 

Evolve

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Commitment coupled with feedback and accountability is a very powerful mechanism for growth. From the beginning of 2023, I’ve committed to writing this reflective blog. In such, I’ve tried to capture everything from feelings, life events, and various happenings across society. Truth be told, I was hesitant to make this commitment public, as I had deep concerns as to how much time I would have to devote to such an endeavor. 

But here we are. And you, the reader, have stood in the gap on so many occasions over the course of this year. Family, friends, and complete strangers, have been a strong source of encouragement and accountability throughout this journey. 

Accountability Can Actually Be a Good Thing

I’m in public education in Texas, so I know the word “accountability” tends to leave a bad taste in folk’s mouths. Over time, it has seemingly been used as a gotcha-type weapon. We won’t delve into the convoluted mess that is the testing and accountability system in Texas. Trust me, it would only make your head hurt. Conversely,  the accountability that you, the reader, have offered to me is something quite different.

Along this journey through life, our receptiveness to feedback, level of commitment to that which we hold dear, and willingness to embrace accountability is key to our growth. And, sometimes, we get in our own way when it comes to these different qualities. I know that’s been the case for me, especially in my younger days.

Guidance Beyond The Court

In my first year of high school, I had a very small, tight knit group of friends that I associated with. As the years passed on and I began to take on more of a leadership role within the basketball program at Midland High School, my circle expanded. This was not always for the better.

My basketball coach, Jack Stephenson, played such a huge role in my life as a young man. He was relational, receptive, and had his hand on the pulse of anything and everything that was going on with his players. He cared at a deep level. And as my circle grew, the conversations became more frequent. 

“James, you have to decide what you want to do and who you want to be. You’re as talented as they come, but you’ve gotta be careful about your circle – birds of a feather flock together”, he’d say on many occasions. Over time, I would find myself in the precarious situations that many young wayward teens often find themselves. And, as usual, Coach was spot-on. 

Among various family members and friends in the neighborhood there was plenty of opportunity to get caught up. He saw it and, without being preachy or judgmental, had deep guided conversations with me about my future. Coach Stephenson’s office door was always open to any and all who needed him. I remember more than one session in that office where he was trying to ensure I stayed on the right path. If I’m completely honest, on more than one occasion I left thinking “dude just doesn’t want me to have any fun.” But, over time, that time and wisdom he shared would show up in powerful ways.

He was offering feedback. Giving me a space to be, feel, and reflect. He knew my commitment to playing college basketball. He also knew that I was going to become a father in March of my senior year. And he was there to hold me accountable for that which I’d committed to.

Turn The Page

While I would go on to graduate and eventually fulfill that commitment, it was not without multiple failures. So many missed opportunities and hard lessons learned. Through it all, I could hear the countless conversations with Coach Stephenson ringing in my being. My grandmother, My Ma, was there to offer her love, unyielding support, encouragement, and willingness to hold me accountable to my commitments. My young son, Jordan, who was just a baby at the time, was there, looking back at me in a way that said “keep going, Pops”. 

Commitment, Accountability, and Feedback were determinant factors in my growth as a young man who had such high hopes, but such a chaotic scene to make sense of.

I truly do not know where I’d be today without these monumental figures in my life along the way. As I look back on the weekly words chosen over the course of this reflective blog journey it is clear that, much like my life, it has been filled with twists and turns, joys and pains, and unbelievable highs and devastating lows. But, yet, here I am. Writing these words. Living this life. Embracing every moment as it comes. And committed to continued growth and positive impact over the course of the time I have left here on this earth.

Gratitude and Growth 

As we head into the last several weeks of this journey I just want to thank you. Thanks for every comment, every share, every “like” and/or “love”. Thank you for all the emails where you shared your connection to the piece. Your feedback has been greatly appreciated and welcomed. And that feedback has been a strong, steady mechanism of accountability. Thank you for helping me grow. And, I hope that maybe even in some small way, I have been part of your growth, as well. Wishing you all the best this Christmas season as we round our 2023.

And to Coach Stephenson, I love you so much. I’m so grateful for your presence in my life. Merry Christmas, Coach!

 

Echoes

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The holiday season doesn’t always bring with it a picture-perfect scene fresh out of a hallmark movie. For many, this time of year ushers in a complex whirlwind of emotions, juxtaposed against the backdrop of joy and celebration. This week I had the opportunity to rest and celebrate Thanksgiving surrounded by my loving family. I am so very grateful for these moments and definitely count my blessings. 

In the Holiday Spirit – A Mother’s Legacy

But coupled with that joy is a sense of loss, as this time of year was my mother’s favorite time of year. Despite the chaos that surrounded our lives, I saw an extra pep in her step and joy in her spirit. As if she didn’t already work hard enough, she’d pick up extra shifts and engage with various community support organizations to ensure we didn’t go without. Superwoman didn’t have anything on my mother. 

From the time I was about 5 years old, I was done being an only child. I wanted a brother. I don’t know that I really had a preference on brother or sister as a child. Something just welled up in my heart to specifically ask for a brother. 

A Wish Granted

And it was on this day in 1988 that my wish came true. After eating a full Thanksgiving feast at my aunt Shorty’s house, my mom went into labor. Hours later, my baby brother, Michael, was born. I had just turned 10 that summer – I was definitely a BIG brother. 

In an instant, I saw a different spark in my mother’s eyes. After years of living in the grips of chaos, I saw a renewed sense of conviction towards a better life. As the years ticked on I would watch my mother go back to school and pursue her dream of becoming a teacher. She was done scratching and clawing – it was time to step into something greater.

Navigating Adversity and Loss

And then, as quickly as things began to look up, a door was slammed in our face. That door was my mother’s Leukemia diagnosis my sophomore year of high school. Almost 3 years later we’d celebrate our last Christmas together. From hopeful to hellish, in an instant. The holidays would never be the same.

In the often unpredictable cadence of life, we’re presented with seasons of adversity and uncertainty. We see loved ones caught up in battles that strain their spirit. Perhaps, as you read these words, you find your own reflection staring back at you, acknowledging that these struggles hit close to home – maybe even within your own story.

Embracing Support and Overcoming Isolation

The weight of these trials can bring a profound sense of isolation, emptiness, and loneliness. Negative self-talk becomes the unwelcome companion, spinning tales of unworthiness that isolate us further from the warmth of family and friends. Grief grabs our soul with a tight grasp. A shadow of loss, disillusionment, and despondency is cast over our lives.

I’m grateful for so many wonderful people who have provided a kind, thoughtful ear over the course of these moments throughout my life. Never minimizing my feelings. Always providing space to be, feel, and work through it all. The powerful and positive presence of my wife, children, friends, and various family members has helped me see beyond the pain, towards joy and purpose. 

Empathy in Action

For those who may be treading a path lined with adversity, remember, you’re not walking alone. There are empathetic souls willing to lend an ear, devoid of judgment, ready to support you through this tumultuous season.

And for those who observe these battles from the sidelines, I urge you to move beyond the mere acknowledgment of their struggle. 

Reach out and let them know you care. Sometimes, people aren’t necessarily seeking solutions to their plight; they simply crave a listener, someone who notices their struggles without the pressure to fix them. Our ability to give of our time to just be available is one of the greatest gifts we can present.

Consider the profound impact of reaching out to that one person who entered into your thoughts as you read these lines. 

How many lives could we positively influence with a simple act of compassion? 

How many souls could we uplift from the depths of despair?

A Call to Action: Be a Lighthouse

I don’t often leave you with action items to pursue in my reflections, but I have one today. Be a beacon of light for someone when you finish this piece. Extend your hand, lend your ear, and offer a space of refuge. 

In doing so, you may just become the guiding star for someone navigating the turbulent waters of life. And always remember, in this shared journey of humanity, someday, someone might become that guiding light for you. I firmly believe that our ability to love, offer empathy, and extend compassion is a reciprocal process. We giveth and we receive.

Wishing peace, love, comfort, and blessings to you all this holiday season and beyond.

Heroes

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As I walk out of the building, I hear cheers and see dozens of my students with signs of support. It’s the end of yet another long school board meeting where many of their classmates stood up and spoke on my behalf and for each other. It’s a dark, crisp night, it’s getting late and I know this will likely be the last time I get to address this group of students face-to-face. I step to the bullhorn and deliver a brief message of appreciation, love, pride, and support, then head home so we can put my 3rd grade son, Landon, to bed. 

The Kids Are Alright

Before I go further I must note something that many may not have realized about the students who were leading protests and speaking out. Many in the crowd that night have just finished their early action applications to Harvard, Brown, MIT, Stanford, University of Texas Honors Program, and Rice. Most, if not all, of them are taking a full load of AP classes as high school seniors. They are students who have never skipped school a day in their life but quickly informed their parents that they would be walking out of school in protest because they believed so strongly in their cause. After many of them spoke on this night, they were chastised by another speaker saying “they should not get to speak – they don’t pay taxes.” 

On this day two years ago, November 17, 2021, I saw a group of young people who, despite the opposition, found their voice. A group of students who had no time to engage in protests and the likes, made time. Their courage, leadership, and conviction landed them in the headlines of The Washington Post, refusing to be silenced. They represented what so many people feared – an engaged, educated young citizen capable of critical thinking and forming their own conclusions. These young people refused to drink from the fire hydrant of what may have been traditional “community” norms, but rather, questioned it.

Winds of Change

My time had run its course in the district, yet my youngest son was still enrolled there. He’d joined me in the district years prior and it was nice to have him so close to me. I could pop over for lunch when I had a few minutes. He could come over after school and shoot hoops with me before we went home. He loved his teachers, principal, and friends. And we enjoyed our rides to and from school together. 

But at this, things have changed. For the last several months I would drive Landon to school, past my former school, drop him off, then head home where a whirlwind of media were chomping at the bits for their pound of flesh. Thankfully, I’d found a dear friend and PR Strategist throughout this process who helped screen out some of the sharks. But after the meeting on November 17, 2021, it was clear that I had to make the tough decision to withdraw Landon from the district at the Thanksgiving break and enroll him in our home district on the other side. He was sad. His friends and teachers were sad and they made him cool going away presents. We were all sad. But this was just the way it had to be.

Navigating Transitions

As I walk up to enroll Landon for his first day at his new school I’m met with the emotion that most every parent has felt at some point –

Am I doing the right thing?

Surely I could just suck it up and just make the drive, push down the emotional trigger of passing my former place of employment, and make it happen, right?

But through the mixed emotions I enrolled Landon in his new school, which is within walking distance from our house. Over the course of the next several weeks we created a new routine – walk to school, then at the end of the day pick up by the big oak tree, then walk home. We found rhythm and consistency. And, as luck would have it, one of Landon’s former teachers was good friends with one of his new teachers and they were able to discuss his progress. 

Not only was he experiencing a transition academically, but he was watching the world around him unravel. He clung closer and closer to my side. While I tried to shield him from all that was going on and hide the pain, disappointment, and frustration in his presence, he knew something was off. He knows how much his dad loves being a school principal and now dad is no longer doing that. He is now accustomed to cameras and journalists following us to school or setting up in our home. And he is thriving in his new school setting. 

I marveled at his resilience and growth, his capacity to adapt to change and pour out love. On many days where I felt my light begin to dim, he shared some of his with me to brighten the way. And over the course of the rest of the 21-22 school year and 22-23 school year it was much the same. This dude served as such an inspiration to me.

A Whole New World

As August came around, I was nearing the end of my required time outside of public education. But I knew where I would be on the first day of school for the 23-24 school year. I’d obtained my superintendent certification years ago and never thought I’d be using it. But God always has a way of making a way towards those things you once thought unattainable. For this school year I’d begin on the first day of school at a K-12 public charter school as superintendent. 

Look at God.

But now I had a decision to make. With my older two children, Jordan and Lauren, I had the opportunity to serve in a school they attended. I got to coach Jordan as a basketball player (he loved it). When Lauren went into middle school, good ole dad was starting as a first year assistant principal (and you know she loved that). And now an opportunity has presented itself for me to be at school with Landon as a 5th grader, should we choose to transfer him to the school I’m at.

Decisions

For weeks prior we went back and forth. He’d been through so much change over the last few years. Relationships were formed with friends and teachers in his current school. And this was his year to be the big dawg on campus as 5th grade is the final year in that school. With us now being at different schools I definitely couldn’t drop him off in the mornings. Sparingly I’d be able to pick him up from school. I’d still probably get to join him for lunch as much as any other year. But things would be changing, for sure. So many considerations.

I drove to school alone on August 16, 2023. This was to be Landon’s first day of school, as well. His school day was set to start several minutes after mine and we would no longer ride together. With each mile I inched in traffic closer to school my emotions were everywhere, much like the cars that zoomed around each other. We’d been so torn on whether or not I should bring Landon to my school, which promised to be an amazing place, or leave him at his current school that was also amazing.

In an instant, I asked Siri to call my wife, who I knew would be up with Landon, preparing for his first day. As she picked up the phone I said, 

“Honey, don’t send him to school today. I’m gonna bring him with me. What do you think?”

Yes. I know. I went from making a firm decision to asking a question in the same breath. That speaks to where my mind was at. But I just knew in my heart that this was the right move.

She went over to Landon with the phone on speaker and said “Hey bud, what do you think about going to school with Dad this year? Dad wants you to go with him.”

All of a sudden, the phone momentarily went silent. I thought “oh crap. Did I just mess this up? The first day of school is already stressful and now I’ve gone and made it extra stressful.”

Before I got too far along the downward spiral of my thoughts I heard Kerrie’s voice exclaim, “Oh my gosh, he’s smiling so big. Yes. He’s shaking his head, yes.”

The decision was made. Landon would join me at school for 5th grade. Our rides to and from school together would continue. He’d be in a place where he gets to learn in a small setting and enjoy the outdoors afforded at our beautiful, expansive campus.

A Day to Trot

Over the last few months we’ve both gone through transition – him, as a new student in a new space; me, in a new role in a new place. And it has been one heck of a journey navigating the winds of change. 

Today was our annual Turkey Trot at our school. For the last several weeks, students were given the opportunity to sign up by grade level clusters to run in it. The winners of each race received a turkey to take home. Over the course of that time I’ve asked Landon every day if he wanted to run in the race. The dude is a strong, fast runner. But every day, the answer was, “no dad, I’m good.” 

This morning we began as we do most Fridays with our Donuts with Dad at our favorite donut shop. Then, we had a conversation about everything from the upcoming anniversary of the JFK assassination to the conflict in the middle east. As we got to school and entered my office Landon looked at me and said, “Dad, I think I want to do the Turkey Trot”, to which I responded, “then let’s do it!”. Quickly, we went over to the sign up sheet to add his name. 

After adding his name he said, “Dad, if I win the Turkey Trot, I want to give the turkey I win to someone who needs it.”

With my heart beaming with pride I said, “that sounds like a fantastic idea son. I’m sure there is someone who needs it.”

We had a great day today at our school. I was pied in the face by those who won the drawing from our canned food drive. Families feasted on wide food spreads, picnic style, with their children on the grounds. And the races were intense. 

As I watched Landon round the last turn towards the finish line with no one in front of him I couldn’t help but smile. After so much hesitation about even running, he’d not only run the race, but won first place, thus securing that turkey to give away. After a great big hug, he was off to take his picture with the first place sign and a huge turkey in his arms. I could see the happiness in his face – the pride in his stance. He’d won the turkey he set out to win to donate to someone in need.

I stood there watching this young man with so much pride in my heart. To think about where we were two years ago on this very day. So much uncertainty, pain, grief, disappointment, and fear. Then the transitions over the course of the time from then to now. And now, this moment. Only by the grace of God.

Our Young People, Our Heroes

So often, we reserve the title of “hero” for adults or celebrities, but I know better. Heroes are the young folks I’ve described above. Youth who sacrificed so much of their time and energy to stand up for not only me, but their community. They were harassed online and in person, but never buckled under the pressure. They shook up things and made folks aware of what was going on in their community. 

And my son, Landon. He is truly one of my heroes. He inspires me with his courage and resilience. The last couple years have been tough but he mets every challenge, head-on, and conquering them. I’m proud of his huge heart, empathy, and sense of compassion for others. His compassion knows no bounds, a beacon of light in a world that sometimes feels dim. I’m uplifted by his constant encouragement and love. 

Landon. My son. Our little champion. My heart. My hero.

Perserverance

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Throughout life, there are moments that, indeed, take us higher. One such moment – the Texas Rangers securing their first World Series Championship this week. A team that so many counted out, standing alone as the standard for baseball around the world. For the countless fans who have followed this team through thick and thin, drops and whiffs, and everything in-between, this achievement is more than just a sports victory; it’s a testament to the unwavering human spirit and the ties that bind generations. And with this, I can’t help but think about how proud my Ma would be.

Fond Memories with “Ma”

My Grandmother, Mintha Doris Sumner, affectionately known as “Ma”, was an avid sports enthusiast. I can vividly recall the countless hours we spent watching Mavs, Cowboys, and Rangers games together. She was a force to be reckoned with. You couldn’t tell her she was not the coach. She expected nothing less than excellence from the athletes on the screen. The only exception to her unwavering commitment was Dirk Nowitzki, who she adored. Rarely – even when that dude messed up – did she get upset with him. Oh, and Jose Canseco. She LOVED her some Jose Conseco – ball bouncing off his head and all. But I digress…

As I sat in the stands at Globe Life Field on Wednesday evening, I couldn’t help but think about all these moments with Ma. And as the fireworks shot off after the Sborz called 3rd strike, I had a bit of a mist in my eye. I was transported back to Ma’s living room where we watched so many games – all the ups and downs. I was transported to the various dollar hot-dog nights we went to at the old stadium. In the moment, I was reminded that this game was really about so much more. So many core memories. So many lessons that sports teach us.

A Legacy of Strength and Selflessness

When I think about Ma, I find solace in these vivid memories, knowing that her legacy lives on through our lives. It’s a testament to the beautiful story that the Lord painted with her life. A life that was anything but easy. 

Her life was not without challenges, and she faced them with unwavering strength. Losing Grandaddy, the love of her life, shortly after they were supposed to embark on a journey to enjoy the fruits of their hard work was a heart-wrenching blow. Yet, she continued to serve her beloved Itasca community, from volunteering at the church to delivering meals on wheels, always there for those in need.

A decade later, her life took another devastating and unexpected turn when she had to care for my mother, Beverly Jan Whitfield, who was fighting a cancer that proved to be incurable. Ma’s life shifted from the quiet streets of Itasca to the bustling metro of Downtown Houston to be by her daughter’s side every step of the way. Despite her own heartache, she provided love, care, and unwavering support to her daughter, who left this world far too soon.

And then with the loss of my mother, Ma took on the responsibility of guiding me, a 19-year-old on the brink of going off the rails, and raising my younger brother, Michael. All of this happened less than a decade after she and Grandaddy had planned to explore the country together and enjoy their hard-earned retirement. Her life had taken a dramatically different course.

Lessons from Life’s Challenges

Ma’s love was a selfless love, passionately committed to the well-being of others, born not of emotions but of choice. She never judged or condemned me, even when I faltered. Instead, she saw the best in me, believed in me, and offered a safe harbor in the tumultuous seas of the times. I often wonder how different my life would have been without Ma’s presence. That thought frightens me. Ma’s love, her pride in us, and her selfless spirit are the most significant gifts she left behind. They form a legacy that cannot be diminished or lost, ensuring that she continues to live on in our lives.

Celebration – Life and Sport

As I watched the Texas Rangers celebrate becoming World Series Champions, I could feel her presence. I could imagine her jubilation. Their ability to overcome, echoed the spirit of Ma. I’m reminded that that sorts often mimic life, and it’s more than just a game. It’s about enduring and triumphing through the challenges that come our way. Ma’s legacy taught me that, even in the face of adversity, we can lean into love – a love that believes in the best, endures through all trials, and asks for nothing in return.

Ma, we thank you for your humor, compassion, wisdom, patience, and, above all, your unwavering love. Your legacy is a testament to a life well-lived, and we can only imagine the celebration that’s taking place in Heaven. You are our joy, and we rejoice in honoring your memory. Your love continues to live on in each of us, and for that, we are forever grateful. 

Go Rangers!

Seniors

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A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of meeting with the senior class at my school. I took some time to sit down with each of them and get to know them better. I asked about their dreams, their family lives, and the things they were passionate about. This senior class is smaller than any I’ve ever served, but it allowed me to engage in some profound conversations with these students, serving as a powerful reminder of why I’m so passionate about my work.

Recommendations

Quite often, I’m asked to write college admissions recommendation letters for former students. Anytime I get a request like this I feel it to be a great honor, and work to oblige. I’ve gotten dozens of these over the years. That someone feels compelled to ask for my words as a recommendation is truly humbling.

But this year’s requests strike a bit of a different chord. These requests are coming from students who were caught up in the transition from middle to high school at the height of the pandemic. These are students who crossed the street with me from Heritage Middle School as 8th graders to Colleyville Heritage High School as Freshmen. This was the year I’d hand them their diploma in May. But due to unforeseen circumstances that none of us ever could have imagined, that is simply not a reality.

Experiences

Reflecting on the past two years, I find myself thinking about the journey that led me to be a panelist at the Education Law Association conference in Reno, Nevada this week. Our piece centered around the legacy of the landmark case, Brown v. Board of Education, and how it relates to the experiences of our students and families today. 

This weekend I attended a wedding that brought me to reconnect with students and families I’d served as CHHS when I was an assistant principal in the 2018-2019 school year. It was so great to reconnect with these young people and hear how their journey has played out. Each of them, college graduates well into the next phase of “adulting”. We reminisced on the journey from then to now, then celebrated the union of a beautiful couple.

Transition – From Middle School to High School During a Global Pandemic

Throughout my reflections, I can’t help but think of this year’s senior class at CHHS, especially those who joined me from Heritage Middle School. During the 2019-2020 school year, I was their middle school principal. Now, leading into the 2020-2021 school year, we’d make this journey together. Them, as high school freshmen. Myself, as a first-year high school principal. I’ve often pondered the challenges they faced during that transition, and just how amazing they truly are.

Before the world turned upside down in 2020, we had a blast at HMS. We organized various events, from ice cream socials to Veterans Day ceremonies. Our staff even did a surprise Thriller dance performance for our Halloween pep rally (with ya’ boy as MJ). But then, spring break arrived, and suddenly, we found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic. It was a time of uncertainty and chaos, and we had to quickly adapt to make education accessible for students stuck at home.

For so many, school had served as a sanctuary, a place of security, and that was taken away overnight. Families and staff members faced hardships daily, from illness to job loss to the loss of family members. We had to reimagine education, distribute laptops, and reassure families that we were there for them. Amid the chaos, we even organized a drive-through eighth-grade sendoff, a small gesture to acknowledge the importance of this transition in their educational journey.

They’s Always Watching

This brings me to the present, as I think about the Class of 2024. They have endured not only the pandemic but also a tumultuous space in time, filled with a lot of vitriol and toxicity. I’ve always believed that our students are watching us, learning from our actions and attitudes. As an educator responsible for their well-being, I strive to be a positive presence in their life, daily. I hope to convey that they are seen, heard, loved, and valued each day. 

I am also keenly aware that they are watching our every move – seeing if we’re just saying they’re “seen, heard, loved, and valued” or if we really mean it. And my goal has always been to show them the latter. Flowery words on mission statements are one thing. The way we go about educating the hearts and minds of young people and creating spaces where students can truly be is another. Students know who’s real and who’s not.

To the Class of 2024

So, seeing as though I will not be able to hand them that diploma in May or deliver my heartfelt remarks, here goes: 

As you approach the end of your high school journey, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the incredible strength, resilience, and determination you’ve demonstrated throughout these challenging years. Your class has faced the unprecedented trials brought on by the pandemic, and you have emerged stronger and more prepared for the future as a result. 

The last few years have been far from easy. You’ve navigated uncertainty, adapted to new ways of learning, and faced many disappointments and missed opportunities. Yet, in the face of these challenges, you’ve shown remarkable courage and resilience. You’ve learned to embrace change, to find opportunities within adversity, and to support one another in times of need.

Despite the hardships, I want you to remember the moments of triumph. Remember the friendships you’ve forged, and the personal growth you’ve achieved. You’ve become a part of history, a generation that didn’t just survive a global crisis but thrived in the face of it. Your resilience and the lessons you’ve learned will be one of your greatest assets as you move forward.

That ability to adapt and preserve through the tough days of life will serve you well in the years to come. Life has a way of throwing unexpected curveballs, and the experiences you’ve had in high school have equipped you with the resilience and problem-solving skills to tackle whatever comes your way. 

When these difficult moments come, I encourage you to embrace them, as they can be the foundation of greatness. At the moment, it may seem to be a failure, or it may actually be a failure. That’s ok. Remember, failure is not the end but the beginning of something extraordinary. Those who have achieved greatness have often stumbled along their journey. I hope you always know that, even in chaos, there are lessons to be learned. It’s okay to fall down – just don’t stay there.

You have served as an inspiration for myself and so many others. It was you that were at the forefront of my mind when I testified before Congress. You were with me as I shared my story through various media outlets, shining a light on what all the chaos was truly about – ensuring you have access to a safe, nurturing learning environment that affords you an excellent, robust education that prepares you for the world you will step into. 

Quite often, people ask me how on earth I do what I do – working with young people each day. A common refrain is “kids these days” with a tone of hesitancy. I always respond by telling them that I know “kids these days.” They are not a generation disconnected from us. I sit with them, listen to their hearts, celebrate their achievements, and question them when they might be on the wrong path. 

Now, as you stand on the threshold of the next chapter in your lives, take with you the knowledge that you are capable of great things. Continue to dream big, set ambitious goals, and pursue your passions with unwavering dedication. The future is full of possibilities. And I have no doubt that you will embrace them with the same courage and determination that have brought you to this point.

Your journey through high school during the pandemic has not defined you. But it has certainly shaped you into a generation that understands the value of unity, adaptability, and perseverance. As you embark on new adventures, whether in college, the workforce, or elsewhere, carry the lessons and strength you’ve gained with you. Your future is bright, and I can’t wait to see the incredible contributions you’ll make to the world.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. You have a network of support, including friends, family, teachers, and mentors, who believe in your potential. Keep reaching for the stars, stay true to your dreams, and never stop believing in yourselves.

While I may not be physically present as you transition from high school to the next leg of your journey, I will always be one of your biggest cheerleaders. You’ve made a significant impact on my life, and I hope that I’ve made a positive difference in yours. 

Congratulations on your achievements, and best of luck in all your future endeavors. Your resilience is an inspiration, and I have no doubt that you will achieve great things.

With love, admiration and unwavering support,

Dr. Whitfield