Dr. James Whitfield

life

Weekly With Whitfield – Endings

by 4 Comments

Throughout this week, the concept of endings has occupied my thoughts, leading me to ponder the profound role they play in shaping our lives. As the familiar sound of the school bell reverberated through the air, my eyes were fixed on my son, Landon, who, in that very moment, transitioned from a fourth grader to a fifth grader. The previous year had dissipated like dust in the wind as he excitedly dashed towards me, arms wide open for an affectionate embrace.

Happy Retirement

However, my gaze extended beyond the immediate, and I noticed Mrs. Pybus, his teacher, lingering in the distance. In this moment, I realized that for Mrs. Pybus, this marked the culmination of a profound and storied career. Landon had the privilege of being a part of her final class before she chose to embark on the journey of retirement. The conclusion of fourth grade for Landon mirrored the final notes of a symphony composed of Mrs. Pybus’ unwavering dedication to the service of children—a harmonious culmination of a lifelong pursuit.

Endings are complex and multifaceted, evoking a mixture of emotions that ebb and flow within us. They carry with them a sense of uncertainty that shrouds our path forward. Yet, nestled within the depths of this uncertainty lies an extraordinary revelation: as we bid farewell to one chapter, we create fertile ground for new beginnings to take root and flourish.

Time Flies

Although we still have one more year of elementary school left with our youngest child, I am acutely aware of how swiftly this chapter will draw to a close. This realization has been solidified through my experiences with both Jordan and Lauren, my older children. It feels as though it was only yesterday when they embarked upon their tentative first steps into the realm of kindergarten, their innocent eyes brimming with curiosity and wonder. And yet, like a fleeting wind gust, they have matured into remarkable individuals, confidently donning their caps and gowns, clutching their hard-earned college degrees. There was a time when these transitions filled me with melancholy, a sense of loss as familiar chapters reached their final pages. However, as time has passed, I have learned to embrace the inherent opportunities that lie within endings, and I cherish the privilege of being present to witness the dawning of new beginnings alongside my children.

Endings, rather than being definitive conclusions, should be perceived as the threshold to a fresh chapter in the intricate story of our lives. Instead of succumbing to worry or apprehension, I urge you to wholeheartedly embrace each moment and seize the opportunity to embark on this new season with unwavering enthusiasm and resolute determination. 

Weekly With Whitfield – Resilience

by Leave a Comment

Resilience is a tricky term. The trait often draws high praise, and rightly so. Resilience can nudge individuals to persevere and thrive in the face of great adversity. However, far too often I’ve seen resilience used as a tool to perpetuate the inherently challenging and, sometimes oppressive, systems. When resilience is continually required, it can create a society that normalizes and even encourages overwork, burnout, and mental health issues.

I grapple with this word quite a bit. On one hand, I’m a firm believer in the power of resilience. Over the course of my life I’ve seen that power play out like a broken record. Without question, the adversities I’ve faced have taught me valuable lessons. These challenging times forced me to strengthen those resilient muscles that may have otherwise atrophied.

Resilience as a Tool 

I’ve served in schools where talks of resilience were used as tools to inspire hope. Posters and weekly themes on things such as resilience, grit, and the likes litter hallways and classrooms. School-wide assemblies are held to address this trait of resilience, highlighting its power to help students overcome obstacles.

In every space I’ve been in, I truly feel as though these efforts have been well intentioned. And I do believe there is a space for students to understand how to flex their resilient muscles. But, far too often, it doesn’t get to the root of why students (or communities) have to be so damn resilient.

And, in schools, we take a deep look into the root causes of these very real concerns that crop up. They didn’t just arrive out of nowhere. There’s a deeply embedded root to uncover through a process of analysis and discovery. Sometimes it’s glaring. Other times it’s not. But all the time, it’s there. Staring back at you like “I was wondering when you’d find me?” But school is just a microcosm of our societal infatuation with resilience.

Forced Resilience

The harsh reality is this is – there are many systems in our society that perpetuate inequality, discrimination, and harm. From economic systems that prioritize profit over people, to social systems that dismiss certain groups of people, to environmental systems that prioritize exploitation over preservation. Far too often, people are forced to be incredibly resilient just to survive these systems, much less, thrive.

Telling someone to “be resilient” is not a compassionate solution to the roots of these concerns. It can definitely serve as a tool or a strategy to help us get there. But we cannot simply pass it off to individual strength and perseverance to overcome systemic challenges. Largely, it wasn’t individual acts that brought us to this point, it was systems. And we must take a strategic approach to help achieve just, equitable, and sustainable systems for each other.

I know it sounds daunting. It will require hard work, collaboration, and a commitment to confronting difficult truths. And coming together isn’t necessarily something we’ve shown to be very good at, lately. But it’s a moral imperative. It will also require a willingness for each of us to acknowledge the ways in which we may have contributed to these systems, either directly or indirectly. As much as we may think that our own hands are clean, we all got a mess to address.

Call me crazy, but I believe we can do this and end our hyper-reliance on resilience. To achieve these goals, we must recognize the interconnectedness of the challenges we face. And then we must get to work. So how do we go about making this shift? I’m glad you asked…

Root Cause Analysis

One sure-fire way of addressing the negative implications of over reliance on resilience is to challenge the systemic inequalities that cause it. We must be firm, vocal advocates for policies that promote things such as affordable housing, access to healthcare, and equal opportunities in education and the workplace. Yes, in 2023 glaring inequalities still exist in all of these spaces – across race, gender, and socioeconomic status. While some have been more negatively impacted through systemic discrimination, in the end, what affects one, affects all – this is a team game.

We are in this together. By addressing the root causes of the problem, we can help to reduce the need for resilience and make society more just and equitable.

Mental Health

It’s also important for us to embrace and uplift the critical need for mental health awareness and resources. Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are often triggered or worsened by the need to constantly show resilience in the face of adversity. We need to ensure folks have access to mental health resources, counseling, and therapy, so they have the support they need to overcome the mental and emotional challenges that can often accompany systemic impediments.

Safety

We must create safe environments and support systems where people can be vulnerable to share their struggles. This can come in many forms, such as community groups, mentorship programs, and professional organizations that provide resources and support. When people have access to these resources and feel supported, they are better equipped to cope with the challenges they face and develop the resilience they need to overcome them.

Reflections

Without a doubt, resilience is an essential and powerful quality to have, but it is not a substitute for systemic change. I encourage us all to think about the systems that shape our lives and the lives of those around us. Look for opportunities to work together to create systems that don’t require an overreliance on resilience. Let’s commit to digging into these roots and creating a world where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

Weekly With Whitfield – Lost

by 4 Comments

He was nowhere to be found. Toby, our plump, black and white, 10 year old cat, was lost. It’s Thursday, April 13th, and he must’ve slipped out the back door the night before. I was going back-and-forth to tend to the grill and that little sneaky guy got away. I awoke to calls from my wife, Kerrie, in a panic. Searching and searching before she went to work – to no avail. She was an emotional mess. 

And now she left for the salon to go work her chemical magic on people’s hair. Don’t get me wrong – I, too, was a bit panicked, but at this point my worry was more about my wife’s emotional well-being and the deep sadness that would ensue if we did not find Toby. My determination to find Toby is riding high.

The Search is On

I go through camera footage from the following night. BOOM! There he is at 1:30am just chillin’ out by the pool lounger like he doesn’t even know he’s an indoor cat. At roughly 4:30am, he walks off to the east side of the house, then never shows up again on camera.

Off I go. I search the backyard again and again. I walk our little culdesac over and over. I get on the Nextdoor platform (which I absolutely dread) and post a brief message and picture about Toby being missing. I do the same on our small community Facebook group. Nothing. Toby is gone. 

I jump in my car to expand my search. I don’t think he’s gone far, but I just want to check this off the list. As I creep at a crawl along these neighborhood streets I’m cognizant of the “look”. When I see people working in their yards outside, I’m quick to speak.

“Hello there! You wouldn’t have happened to see a plump, black and white cat around here, would ya?” 

Each response was, generally, the same:

“Nope. Good luck.”

Help Is On the Way

All of a sudden, my phone rings. It’s Kerrie. Usually, I’m very excited to answer her calls. When I see her name pop up I get this massive rush of dopamine. But for this specific call I was sad. I knew I didn’t have the news she was looking for and my heart was breaking. I answer the call and, through her tears, she tells me that my mother-in-law, Colleen (aka Mama), is on the way. I’m relieved to have some help. Especially from Mama, as she’s a freakin’ cat whisperer. If he’s anywhere close, she’ll find him.

Soon after I hang up with Kerrie, Colleen calls to let me know she’s on the way. She suggests printing off some flyers that we can post around the neighborhood. When she arrives, off we go, flyers, cat treats, and tape in hand. 

Doors

We walk. And walk. And walk. This dude is absolutely nowhere to be found. All of a sudden Mama says, 

“what if he went to someone’s door and they saw this pretty little cat and just took him inside?”

“Good point”, I thought.

She continues, “how bout you just go knock on some of these doors and just ask people if they’ve seen him. He may be in one of these houses.”

I stop in my tracks and immediately say, “Mama, there ain’t no way I’m (pointing to my chest) going up to knock on any of these doors – especially here in Texas.”

I didn’t have to think about my response. It was instantaneous. A lifetime of lessons learned about how I am to navigate this world. Ever-aware and conscientious that, in many spaces, my very existence is seen as a threat. I’m not knocking on any doors of people I don’t know.

In the end, Toby’s little bad butt was tucked up under our pool lounger cover THE WHOLE TIME. Talk about being super relieved and highly pissed at the same time. But the most important thing – he’s found and I get to deliver that news to Kerrie, who was on the verge of canceling the rest of her day. Disaster averted. Toby once was lost, but now is found! The relief in her voice soothed my soul.

The Cost of Being Lost

Days later, Ralph Yarl, a 16 year-old Black young man, was shot twice (once in the head) for simply knocking on the wrong door in Kansas City, Missouri. He was sent to pick up his siblings at 115th Terrace Street and, mistakenly, showed up at 115th Street. He knocked on the door, no words exchanged, and an 84 year-old White man simply shot him through the door. 

Despite suffering these violent wounds, Ralph ran to three different houses for assistance and, finally, aid was given – but not before being asked to lay on the ground with his hands up. Miraculously, Ralph is expected to make a full recovery. But my goodness…no child should have to ever fear ringing a doorbell.

When I heard of this tragedy I was left to grapple with what I said to Mama just days earlier. I didn’t just manufacture some fairytale of something going horribly wrong as I approached someone’s home. I could literally see it playing out. There was not a hint of play in my voice.

What most will never understand is that, while Ralph took the literal bullet, there was a figurative bullet that shot through the hearts of every Black person as they learned of this story. And that bullet doesn’t simply pass through – it leaves fragments of trauma along the way. A daily reminder that your body can be taken, at any point, for simply being lost – for simply existing. 

And Then There’s New York

More tragedy strikes days later when 20-year-old Kaylin Gillis was shot and killed because she and her friends were lost. They pulled into a 65-year-old man’s driveway to turn around and were met with armed resistance. The reason for Kaylin’s death was simply being lost. As if the shooting of Ralph was not enough of a gut punch to our societal consciousness, this senseless act highlights a reality we face.

In what world is it okay for our kids to fear being shot at or killed when they pull into a driveway to turn around? As parents and guardians, we must now have that conversation with our children and tell them to never pull into someone’s driveway to turn around – even if they’re lost. Another life was taken in a senseless act. All because these kids were lost.

And Then There’s Texas

We’ve all done it before. We approach, and maybe try to enter, a car that looks similar to either our own or one of our friend’s. But this simply being lost in the moment could cause us serious bodily harm (or even our life), as displayed here in Texas.

Several friends who met in an Elgin H-E-B parking lot had just returned from cheerleading practice.  One of the young ladies, Heather Roth, mistakenly opened the car door to a car she thought was hers, only to see a man sitting in the passenger seat.

Quickly, she retreated to her friend’s car. She gets in and rolls down the window to apologize to the man, who’s coming towards their car. They saw he had a gun and tried to speed off and then he just started shooting at them. Heather was grazed by a bullet. Another young lady, Peyton Washington, was shot in the leg and back.

In each of these instances there are such high costs for simply being lost.

Trauma

I cannot imagine what each of these families are going through right now. And not just those who were killed or injured – in some of these instances there were bystanders that will carry what happened with them forever. I pray that each person impacted by these horrific events receives the care they need to heal. I hope we can start to have some serious discussions about how some of these “stand your ground” laws have not necessarily served to make our communities safer.

When these tragedies happen we’re left with so many questions that often go unresolved. It seems as though we have almost become numb to it. We see it on the news one night, then the next night there’s another one. The sheer volume of these senseless acts has driven some into a dark corner of apathy. They become desensitized and think it’s just the way things go. I refuse to look towards that dreary corner. It stalls progress and leaves our communities more vulnerable.

Lost

As a society, we appear to be desperately lost. Hang in there with me – I’m not saying all hope is lost – but we are, indeed, lost. 

Decade after decade we’ve been led to believe that our brothers and sisters are not such. People in positions of power and authority understand that there is a time-tested, proven, way of maintaining that power. And that is to pit man against man.

If I can convince you to see someone as less than human, it becomes much easier to subjugate, discriminate, and hate that group. 

If I say it enough that “this group of people are coming to take your jobs”, at some point, you start to believe it and hard calluses begin to form in your mind about “them”.

If I scream it loud enough that “LGBTQ+ people are somehow pedophiles who are out to recruit your kids”, at some point, you start to believe it.

Day after day, we’ve been inundated with one simple tactic that has been used throughout the ages – FEAR. And this fear leaves us lost. 

Dazed and confused. 

Wandering aimlessly across each other’s paths. 

Narrowly avoiding disaster most days. 

With the capacity to inflict heinous and unspeakable acts against one another on other days.

The Way Back

But there is a way back. And it’s really quite simple. 

Embrace humanity. 

Interrupt the noise with empathy and compassion. 

Choose to see the good in the world. 

Reject rhetoric that seeks to sow distrust and divide. 

Understand that, oftentimes, the people using these ugly tactics are simply being used. They’re misguided by those who hold power over them. 

Remember, as humans we all have an innate desire to belong. It just so happens that need is sometimes filled by nefarious ideologies. 

Every time you have the opportunity, extend grace. Even to those who may seem to be totally off-base and too far gone. Especially to those who treat you the worst. 

Give them something more beautiful to belong to. Open the door and invite them in. Give them a parking spot in your driveway. Welcome them. 

In the end, they’re simply lost. Be the light that guides them back to love and humanity, not the flash from a muzzle that leaves them wounded and in despair.

Weekly With Whitfield – Puzzles

by 4 Comments

Life keeps us on our toes. One week you write about hope and the next week you encounter something that makes you feel hopeless. Sometimes those feelings change day to day. Sometimes hour to hour. But here’s what you know – this feeling won’t last forever. It’s just part of the process as we pull together the puzzle pieces of our lives.

Doris Sumner – My Ma

My Grandmother, affectionately known as “Ma”, loved puzzles. My little brother and I moved in with my Grandmother shortly after our Mother passed away in 1997. In her home we found hope and consistency. This place held so much love and comfort. The home encapsulated all of whom Ma was. 

We lost Ma in 2021, but I think of her often. Almost daily, I feel slight nudges from her. The nudges come strongest when I find myself feeling down. I can almost sense her soft, frail, hand pushing my chin up, ever so slightly, directing me to look forward.

Her presence prompted the very words that flow here. The past couple years have been chaotic, to say the least. I won’t delve into all the chaos – there’s plenty out there to read. But what I want to share, here, is a note about life and one of the many lessons Mrs. Doris Sumner, my Ma, taught me – likely without even knowing it.

Ma’s Place

Ma lived in a small, brick, three bedroom, two bath home in Itasca, TX. Rarely did anyone enter through the front door. Instead, we entered through the garage door that led through a breezeway, then through her bedroom, to a hallway that would take you to the living room and kitchen that were on the other end of the house. 

I can see every inch of it as clearly today as the last day I entered years ago. I smell the pot roast cooking. And I can still see Ma, sitting at her little card table, pressed against the back of the couch. Instantly, she turns around and says “hey there, kiddo!” with a huge grin on her face. She takes a quick break from her task at-hand – the puzzle spread across the table – to give me the greatest hug.

Ma loved puzzles. Like, huge puzzles with thousands of pieces. She’d sit for hours working on them. And when I found her at that table I didn’t miss an opportunity to join her. We had some deep conversations while working on those puzzles. As I reflect on those moments I realize that all those beautiful puzzles serve as a metaphor for life.

The Complex Puzzle of Life

Life is a massive puzzle. Only, there is no box with a picture of what the outcome should be. As we begin the journey, pieces are scattered about. There is no rhyme, reason, or identified purpose. Random parts, with hopes of coming together.

Corner Pieces

Then, slowly, our foundations form. We sleep through the night – a corner piece in place. We graduate to solid foods – another corner piece locked in. Our first words come dribbling out – boom, third corner piece secured. Before you know it, we graduate from making a mess of ourselves – we’re potty trained – locking in that last, and ever-so-critical, corner piece. Those corner pieces are foundational to launching us into life. 

The Edges

As we venture out into this new world we play with the edges – the boundaries within which the rest of the puzzle must come together. And, while this can be a bit of a challenge, the boundaries tend to make themselves readily evident. These edges serve as our values. Their clean, sharp edges provide guidance, but we’re left to sort the rest out along our way. Who we are, and who we’ll become, is impacted by the edges.

The Center

Now we start to play with the pieces in the center and things get more complex. Like a puzzle, life can be complicated and challenging. Each piece, a different experience, lesson, or opportunity along the way. And how we put these pieces together determines the outcomes.

Puzzles can be frustrating. We struggle to find the right piece that may have slid off the table, hiding under our shoe. Sometimes it appears as though a piece should fit, then when you try to force it in, it doesn’t. We become overwhelmed with the sheer number of pieces strewn across the table – it may appear that several critical ones may be missing. But as we keep after it, the bigger picture slowly comes into focus, and each piece slides into place.

Life can be downright frustrating. Adversity, setbacks, and various obstacles crop up along our journey. Oftentimes, these challenges seem insurmountable at the moment. That feeling that something’s “off” wells up inside of us and we often freeze. Each time we try to get going again we seemingly don’t know where to start. But as we push through, the bigger picture of our lives becomes more clear. Each experience serves as an essential element to make sense of it all.

Team Game

Working those puzzles with Ma was always a team game. And such is life. One of the best parts of puzzles and life is that we don’t have to do them alone. We can always get a fresh set of eyes on an issue when we’re stuck. We just need to ask. A new perspective can help us envision brighter possibilities. And we can work together to create something beautiful.

As you navigate the puzzles of life I hope that you’ll pause every so often to find the joy in the process. While it can be messy and frustrating, when it starts to come together you’ll be amazed at what you are able to see at that point. 

And as quickly as amazement appears, along will come another piece to that puzzle that will likely leave you bewildered. And that’s ok. Remember, you are not alone. Grab a friend or loved one. Sit them at your table. And work together to create something more beautiful than you ever imagined. 

– Dedication – 

Ma, thank you for always having a seat at your puzzle table ready for me. Thank you for pouring into my life in the way that you did. Thank you for helping me piece together some very broken pieces to my life’s puzzle. Those frayed edges serve as valuable lessons. I’m thankful for every one of them. And I have no doubt that the picture of my life at this moment would look very different without your love, support, and guidance along the way. I miss you and love you dearly, my forever puzzle partner.

Weekly With Whitfield – Bridges

by 6 Comments

In May of 2022 I was selected as one of forty people across the U.S. (Chicago, Dallas, and Pittsburgh) to join Independent Sector’s inaugural 2022 Bridging Fellows cohort. This two year program, through a combination of virtual and in-person convenings allows us to engage, learn, amplify, and share adaptive skills to help our communities bridge across various divides.

Serendipity. To be in such a space, learning from so many fabulous people, whom I may have never met if not for the storms I’ve encountered over the last couple years. An opportunity to engage in the deep and powerful work of building bridges to create stronger communities.

And, as fate would have it, this week would find us in the City of Steel, Pittsburgh, PA – also prominently known as the City of Bridges.

A Beautiful Landscape

The birds-eye-view flying into the city was pretty amazing. But it was when I hit the ground that it hit me on a whole other level. Pittsburgh is so picturesque.

From the iconic hills that rise up from the banks of the Allegheny River and stretch out into the distance, covered in a patchwork of green and brown. To the Monongahela River, with its deep shades of green, reflecting the foliage that lines its banks. To the Ohio River, with Its deep, dark blue hues, reflecting the sky above and the depths below, carrying barges and cargo ships up and down its length. These three rivers create a landscape that is both beautiful, powerful, and captivating. 

As the city is surrounded by these majestic waters, bridges are critical. Pittsburgh has a network of over 440 bridges – more bridges than any other city in the world, including Venice, Italy. As you drive into the city, the first thing that strikes you is the sheer number of bridges that dot the skyline. Some are massive steel structures that stretch across entire river valleys, while others are small pedestrian bridges that connect neighborhoods and parks. Each with their own unique beauty, character, and purpose.

These bridges are not just a testament to the city’s historic, industrial past, but they also serve as an important part of the city’s transportation infrastructure and add to the overall beauty of the city. Bridges everywhere. A beautiful necessity. But also a symbol of the task before us in our own communities – to be bridge builders.

Great Divides

Over the course of the last several years in the United States, the gulf between us has grown wider and wider. We’ve become that pesky set of siblings that fight just to fight. We will fight over just about anything. 

For many, all hope is lost. But not for me. Although we may have some deep wounds to heal – and we may need to go to time-out for a few minutes – I have faith in us. This is not the first time we’ve been at odds with each other. And this will not be the last time, I assure you. These times provide us with an opportunity to help  form a more perfect union. Our continued capacity to bridge the divides that would keep us worlds apart helps us move forward.

Bridges and Bridging Work

As we traversed the city for this convening I couldn’t help but reflect on the likeness of the physical bridge and the bridging work before us. Bridges are physical structures that connect people and places that may otherwise be divided by impassable barriers. Similarly, in this work we seek to bridge the gap between people and their causes, connecting those who might otherwise be separated by barriers of ignorance, indifference, or fear.

At the heart of this bridging, is the idea that we are all connected. We might come from different backgrounds, have different lived experiences, and be motivated by different concerns, but at our core, we share a basic, common humanity. We all want to live in a just and compassionate world. And these bridges can help us navigate the divides that separate us. Connecting us and  moving us towards our vision of a better future.

Building a Solid Foundation 

A bridge is nothing without a strong, solid foundation. The same goes for the bridging work in our communities. This foundation is built on knowledge, research, and an understanding of the issues and the impact they have on communities. Without taking the time to delve into those key aspects, our efforts are bound to collapse, leaving those who rely on our work stranded and vulnerable. 

In Pittsburgh we had the opportunity to visit several organizations committed to bridging in their communities. Each organization had built a firm foundation in the heart of the city geared towards service, engagement, and standing in the gap for some of the most vulnerable populations. Hearing their journey of how they laid that foundation in the face of some pretty challenging obstacles was inspiring.

Our capacity to build strong relationships in the communities we serve is key. Knowing the wide range of humanity that exists in our space at a deep and meaningful level provides focus as we navigate the challenges that come with bringing communities. Strong relational capacity leads to high levels of trust which, in turn, affords us the ability to move faster than we could otherwise.

Additionally, our sense of purpose is critical to setting out on firm footing. Having a strong, rooted foundation allows us to serve as a determined presence in our communities to leverage the power that lies within to create better futures for our people. 

Design and Construction 

A bridge is so much more than its foundation, though. It requires careful, intentional  design, engineering, and construction. Bridging work in communities is no different. We must put forth the required creativity, strategy, and collaboration to build bridges that are strong, resilient, nurturing, and effective. Additionally, innovation and vision are critical to creating solutions that can address the complex and interconnected issues facing our world.

One of the highlights of our time was our visit to 1Hood Media. As we walked off the bus to enter their facility, the cameras were rolling. A team of individuals greeted us with cameras, and continued as we entered the building, welcomed by the dope beats of old school hip-hop. At some point, the footage captured will undoubtedly be part of a piece for them telling their story. They’ve become masters of creative storytelling to highlight issues in their community, educating the populace, and bringing people in to solve complex issues plaguing their community.

1Hood has a distinct vision for amplifying and authorizing youth voices. The organization’s leaders embrace the historic role that youth have played in bridge builders across our nation over time. Instead of being an organization of “as the adults, we’re here to tell you how it’s done”, they commit to holding space for young people to speak up, engage, and activate in their communities where they see a need. 

Additionally, they’re embrace of art and creativity have ushered opportunities for artists to engage in the work of bridge building through their medium of expression. Through thoughtful design, creativity, strategy, and collaboration towards creating a strong bridge to the communities they serve across the city.

Connection

At its core, a bridge is a structure that connects two places that would otherwise be separate. They span rivers, valleys, and other obstacles, providing a safe and efficient way for people to travel between them. It brings people together, creating opportunities for dialogue, understanding, collaboration, and cooperation. 

Such is the work of bridging in our communities. We must connect people from different backgrounds, communities, and causes, to create a space for them to learn from one another, share their lived experiences, and build towards brighter futures.

We had the opportunity to do a guided bus tour through a few of the roughly 90 neighborhoods that comprise Pittsburgh. Mr. Malik was our phenomenal guide – an absolute wealth of knowledge surrounding, most anything, Pittsburgh. But this tour was largely focused on affordable housing and sustainability in a few communities. 

Listening to him speak of the collaboration and connectivity needed to pull off some of these aspirational housing proposals was mind boggling and inspirational. He spoke to the connections between the private sector, public sector, developers, philanthropy, etc. to make their collective vision come to life.  And, while they all tend to move at very different speeds, they’re all critical to creating brighter outcomes for people in our communities. Sure many of these entities may have some competing priorities, but the work of bridging these priorities is paramount towards creating communities where we can all thrive.

Connection doesn’t always mean we will immediately agree on whatever the problem is that we seek to solve, or how to solve it. But our willingness to understand, engage in dialogue, and collaborate can create strong connections that allow us to see past that which separates us and towards that which we can envision for our collective future.

Upkeep

Bridges require ongoing maintenance and repair to keep them strong and functional. Neglect can and, eventually, will lead to disaster. The work we do in our communities is no different. Today we find our societal bridges in need of massive repair. Fear-mongering, deception, othering, ignorance, and hate have chipped away at our social fabric, eroding trust in our fellow man.

As we go about the challenging work of repairing these fractures it’s imperative that we operate with compassion and empathy. As hard as it may be to listen to those who may believe differently than us, please take time to lend a kind ear. Chances are, if we really listen, we can find that common ground and begin to solder these broken pieces of our communities.

And it won’t be easy. There’s no sense in pretending it will be. It will be hard work. As we are challenged with things that may run counter to that which we thought we knew there’s a tendency to get defensive. It’s human nature. But I encourage you to lean into vulnerability and push back on those defensive feelings. 

Building bridges is just the first step. Building communities where all can thrive requires ongoing commitment, monitoring, and evaluation to ensure that the bridges we construct remain strong and effective over time.

Be the Bridge

The symbol of the bridge reminds us that we are all connected, and that the work of building great, thriving communities is about constructing bridges that can span divides, connect people, and create opportunities for a better future. It requires a solid foundation, careful design and construction, and ongoing care and repair. But if we dare erect these bridges, if we can connect people and causes at the intersection of various issues, then we can create a world that is better for us all.

I encourage you to get out there and look for opportunities to build bridges in your communities. The work is plenty and endless. And there will be new concerns that arise as we turn the pages of tomorrow. But it’s necessary and so worth it. 

Go Build!

Weekly With Whitfield – Storms

by 4 Comments

As I stood outside yesterday evening I couldn’t help but notice how peaceful, calm, and still it was. Every weather forecast promised severe weather packed with howling winds and heavy rains. Yet, here I was in my backyard watching the birds fly carelessly; hearing the serene trickle of the waters flowing from our fountain; feeling the nice, warm breeze. 

The calm before the storm served as a great reminder that life can change in an instant.

Suddenly, I watched heavy wind gusts move things I hadn’t considered it could move. And buckets of rain came streaming from the sky.

Storm Troopers

I grew up in Midland, TX. Extreme weather popped up quite often in the plains of west Texas. I’ll never forget the many times I’d find myself all alone in our home when extreme weather struck, as my mom was usually at work. The fear was almost paralyzing. 

But, looking back on it, I was never alone. Within moments of the news of extreme weather my mother had coordinated with one of the neighbors to look after me. Through the frightening winds, incredible lightning, and jarring claps of thunder, I had a group of people committed to looking after my well-being. The storms of life remind us of the power of community. During these times we come together. We help each other, offer support, and weather the storm together. 

Unquestionably, there will be times in our lives where we feel all alone. The storm we’re experiencing knocks us off course and tells us that, surely, no one else is going through what we’re going through – surely, no one will understand what we’ve been confronted with. Please know that when we face the storms of life, we are never alone. We have loved ones, friends, and a greater community to lean on. Let your tribe provide shelter from the storm when you need it. And be that shelter for someone else when that time comes.

Storm-Tested

Many of you may have seen the storms our family has faced in recent years. It’s been well-documented. And just when we thought the storm had passed, another pops up to test our resolve. Life has a way of keeping us on our toes. The minute we think we’ve cracked the code, here comes another to decipher. 

These tests resemble the extreme weather we faced this week – relentless winds, unyielding rain, and clouds seem to blot out the sun. The relentless storm rages around us, threatening to tear us apart and leave us broken and defeated.

When we face these unpredictable storms, we may feel powerless in the face of its force. But like a storm, the challenges we face in life can also be an opportunity to test our resilience and our strength. The winds howl, the rain pours, and the lightning strikes. And in that instance, we’re presented with the opportunity to find our inner power. While these storms can often leave us battered and bruised, they also serve as a reminder of our strength and ability to overcome.

Mettle tested. Pushed to our limits. Stronger.

Always remember, it is not the storm that defines us, but how we weather it.

Here Comes The Sun

The storms of life are not just about survival; they are also an opportunity for growth, change, and standing firm on our values – our chance to shine on the other side. We’re forced to confront our deepest fears, to question our assumptions, and to find new paths forward. 

Through the high winds and torrential rains we are inspired to become better versions of ourselves, to fight for justice and equality, and to make a positive impact in the world around us. They shake us from complacency and move us towards the collective action required to create a better, brighter world. 

Our resolve is strengthened. Our light, brighter. Through it all, we must stay true to ourselves, hold fast to our beliefs, and never give up hope. For it is in the face of adversity that we discover what we are truly made of, and what we are capable of achieving. Adversity reveals character.

In closing, let us hold fast to the words of the great writer and activist, Langston Hughes: 

“I am the storm, I am the flood, I am the lightning, I am the thunderbolt, I am the hurricane.” 

Let us be the storm, let us rise up and choose to make a positive difference in the world. Together, we can weather any storm and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate than ever before.

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Framily

by 1 Comment

It’s often said that we are the sum total of the people we surround ourselves with. The people around us have such a deep and profound impact on our lives. Some of those people are chosen for us at birth – our blood, our family. There are other people who become acquaintances or friends. Then, another set of individuals we choose along the way, our framily.

Family

Neither my wife or myself have a very big immediate family. Both sets of grandparents have long passed on. My mother never got the chance to meet my wife or my two youngest. Both of our fathers live out of state and we rarely get a chance to see them. My amazing mother-in-law, Colleen, stands as the matriarch of our small, but mighty unit.

We have three amazing children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon. I have one brother, Michael. Kerrie has two sisters, Jenny and Sandy. And we have two nephews, Dustin (Jenny) and Matthew (Sandy). That’s the extent of our small, immediate family. Over the last 20 years we’ve seen each other through so much. I love them more than I can express in words.  

Having their support, love, and encouragement along the journey of the last two decades has made me a better husband, father, friend, and educator. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

I know what you’re thinking by now, though – but, James, your word is ‘Framily’. Did you just misspell ‘Family’?

Look at y’all, lookin’ out for your boy with the grammar check!

However, the word is spelled correctly. The word for the week is framily, as this week I was reminded of the deep power of having friends who become like family. 

Framily

Framily are people we connect with in a deep and profound way. Although we share no DNA or kinship, they end up becoming an integral part of your lives. If you need them, they’ll be there. They show up in times of struggle and times of celebration, alike. 

As we sat at Sunday brunch I looked around this table of nearly 20 people who’d gathered to celebrate my wife and sister-in-law’s birthday. I thought about the moments that each of these people walked into our lives. I reminisced on some of the amazing journeys we’d been on with them. Additionally, I reminisced on the challenging moments we’ve all walked through together.

Surrounding this table were people who we loved, and who reciprocated love. Framily. Friends who’ve become like family, truly. While the table was filled with so many amazing individuals who capture this sentiment, today, I’d like to focus on a specific couple. The Amayas.

Tio E & Tia Ash

Soon after we found out we were pregnant with Landon back in 2011, Kerrie reconnected with one of her good friends, Ashley. They’d worked together back in the day and now had a new bond – they’d become first-time mothers around the same time the next fall.

As August of 2012 rolled around, Ashley gave birth to a baby boy, Braylon. Her and her husband, Eric, were now parents to a beautiful newborn. A few weeks later, on September 7, Kerrie would give birth to Landon, our first child together. Since then, the Amaya’s have added another beautiful child to the mix, my niece, Layla, who reminds me so much of my baby girl, Lauren, when she was a young girl (happy tears).

Within weeks of Braylon and Landon’s birth, our families bonded over our similar life circumstances. We were all rolling in the deep of the wondrous opportunities that come with trying to navigate the operation of these new humans who came with no manual. A friendship that had always been there between Kerrie and Ashley had been rekindled and strengthened. In an instant, they became more like sisters. 

And Eric and I, while we only knew each other in passing prior to the arrival of our newborn baby boys, became like brothers. Without question, I know I could pick up the phone and call him right now and he’d drop whatever he was doing to be there for me and my family. He’s that dude – my brother from another mother.

Reflection

As their precious family of four walked through the doors of the restaurant for brunch last Sunday I couldn’t help but feel as though our crew was now complete. If you know, you know – the Amayas are gonna be late (but always fashionably) – Amaya Time, as we call it. So, naturally, they were the last piece to the puzzle. Eric and Ashley are truly two of the most thoughtful, caring, generous, and loving people. But don’t get it twisted and mistake their kindness for weakness. Similarly, like Kerrie and I, you best believe that when they have to rear that protective side, they will. And It’ll be for a just reason.

Over the course of the last decade we’ve done life together, as framily. Vacations, birthday parties, funerals, pool parties, concerts, brunches (that always stretch well into the evening hours), and everything in-between. Most weekends you can find the Amayas and Whitfields together somewhere, having a good time. 

We’ve laughed and celebrated together. 

Cried and mourned together.

Sent vast amounts of silly memes to each other in our group chat.

Developed a million inside jokes based on our shenanigans (#ElbowsIn, #ButDidYouDie, #LightsOn, #Armicron, #TwoPhones – just to name a few 🙂)

We’ve stood by each other in tough times.

We dream of opportunities to create a better life for our families.

We do life with each other.

They’re our framily. Life becomes immeasurably better when you have folks such as the Amayas in your life. Their presence is a beautiful reminder that family is not just about blood, but about the deep connections that we make with people around us. If you have a framily, cherish them, let them know how much they mean to you. And if you don’t, I hope you find them soon. They’ll enrich your life in countless ways.

(I must add – it’s my brother, Eric’s, birthday this coming Monday. Wishing you the most amazing birthday, Tio E!)

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Anticipation

by 6 Comments

Anticipation can be such a powerful tool. Whether it’s waiting to see what Santa leaves under the tree or the long awaited reunification of a loved one, that sense of excitement and anticipation can be a powerful and dynamic force. The feeling of anticipation can influence our emotions, thoughts, and behavior.

Numerous studies have shown that anticipation and the release of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, are closely linked. When we anticipate something tied to a reward or motivation our brain releases dopamine in anticipation of what’s to come.

Wifey’s Birthday Weekend

This week has been filled with the anticipation of being able to celebrate the love of my life, my wife, Kerrie, who’s birthday is this Sunday. I know, I know – that’s Super Bowl Sunday – but, as luck would have it, I’m married to a person who really enjoys football. Additionally, I guess it doesn’t hurt that we will be on the beach in Punta Cana [HUGE SMILE].

Those who know me, know – I’m all about family vacations. I love being able to get away with our kids. Leading up to those trips there’s a great sense of anticipation that swells inside me as I think of the memories we’ll make. 

But it’s always nice to be able to get away, just the two of us. We’ve had some amazing adventures. And as I think about how beautiful those adventures have been, my anticipation of those that lay ahead grows stronger. Then, when we get back it will be time to start planning our 20 year renewal of vows for  the summer of 2024. Another moment of great anticipation awaits. It really is quite a journey being able to do life with your best friend. 

First Date

Life with Kerrie has been a beautiful journey of anticipation. There are so many anticipatory moments that stand out in my mind. One that jumps out is our first date. Now, if you can believe it – she tried to tell me “it’s cool, we can just go to McDonalds or something”. But there was no way on God’s green earth I was going for that. Instead, we went to a small, quaint Italian place close to her house. 

And it was in those moments of conversation, over spaghetti and chicken fettuccine alfredo, that I knew I’d found the love of my life. I immediately envisioned building a life with this woman. And the rest is history. Here we are, almost 20 years later, and each day I awake with a spirit of anticipation of what’s to come for our love story. I pray everyone to be so lucky as to have a life partner who they don’t just get through life with, but they anticipate all that’s in front of them. 

Oh, The Places You Will Go

That excitement has caused me to reflect deeply on the feeling and power created by anticipation. Over the past several months I’ve found myself thinking about what’s next for my career journey. Most every day someone asks that very question – “what’s next for you?”

And, while I can’t pinpoint exactly what that answer is, I anticipate great things. If my journey to this stage of life serves an indicator of what’s to come, something great awaits. The data speaks for itself. On the other side of chaos something great has always been there, staring me down. 

I anticipate being able to serve in some capacity in public schools again. While some may call me crazy, it’s where my heart is. And I anticipate that things will not always be easy in that space. But, such is life. I look forward to the educators and students whose path I will cross at some point this fall. It’s going to be magical, just watch.

Lauren Nicole

With great anticipation I await the college graduation of my baby girl, Lauren, in May. Proud is an understatement. This young lady amazes me at every turn. She’s smart, creative, empathetic, hard working, beautiful (inside and out), and has such a bright vision for making the world a better place. I love to listen to her thoughts and ideas – her hopes and dreams. I hope she knows how very much she inspires me.  Without question, great things in her future. And I get a front row seat to it all. What a blessing.

Jordan & Peyton

And then there’s my oldest son, Jordan, and his wife, my amazing daughter-in-law, Peyton. They’ve already given me a Grandpuppy (Jimmy) and now I’m anticipating…wait for it…

…Them becoming first-time homeowners! 

(Don’t lie…everyone reading this thought I was about to announce something else… Y’all stop 😂)

With fingers crossed that all goes as planned, they’ll purchase their first home together late this spring. I could go on and on about these two. Their story is one out of a fairy tale. High School Sweethearts who journeyed away together for college, obtained their degrees, then came back home and began successful careers. But, most importantly, they’re simply beautiful people. I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for these two!

Landon

While I am in no hurry for my youngest, Landon, to grow up, I’m so excited for the days ahead for him. He is such a trooper and brings so much joy to my heart. His fun-loving personality, determination, and creativity. The way he loves so big. His thirst for adventure and imagination keep me on my toes. 

One of the beautiful moments about this season of life I’m in is getting to pick him up from school each day. While it may seem like a small thing, it’s really quite a big deal. Last year, as he transitioned to his new school, we picked a predetermined place that I’d pick him up from school each day – by the big tree. Each day, as I grab his little surprise snack and drink for the ride home, I’m filled with anticipation – to see him look for me at that tree. Then, to see his face when he sees me standing there – priceless. And to hear all the stories of his day as a 4th grader. Anticipation meets sheer jubilation.

Blessings

I’m so grateful for every moment. These amazingly beautiful kids. My stunning, magnificent wife. And I anticipate joy, blessings, and warm days to come. I know storms will come for us all at some point along our journey, but I will continue to look back at the trends of our lives, expecting and anticipating brighter days on the other side.