Dr. James Whitfield

drwhitfield

Weekly With Whitfield – Unscripted

by 1 Comment

As the days of 2023 dwindle down, only 16 weeks remain in this calendar year. To those who have faithfully followed my weekly reflections, thank you for being a part of this introspective journey. For those joining for the first time, a warm welcome. Regardless of where you stand, know that your presence is valued, and I’m genuinely delighted that you’re here. My wish is that this year has unfolded just as you’d hoped it would.

The Weekly Reflection Challenge

Writing this weekly blog has brought with it a unique and beautiful challenge. I have always been a deeply reflective person. But I cannot think of a time in my life where I dedicated time at the end of each week to reflect on what that time had presented me. There have been many weeks where I’ve struggled to find a word that truly captured my thoughts and feelings. But, every time, God laid something on my heart to share.

This journey has been an unscripted one. But such is life. I have no earthly idea what I’m going to write about at the beginning of each week. I won’t lie, early on, I tried to force it. But it never fit. The things I felt I needed to talk about or wanted to talk about never seemed to be what I actually wrote about, in the end. And this has made the journey more genuine, authentic, and therapeutic for me.

Unscripted Lessons

Life’s unscripted moments often hold the most profound lessons. While plans have their place, they can sometimes pale in comparison to the grand design that the universe, or in my case, God, has in store for us. We may attempt to force our personal narratives into the script, but more often than not, they fail to fit. Life’s greatest surprises, blessings, and revelations emerge when we relinquish control and embrace the unscripted. 

Reflecting on these past weeks, I am reminded that the most impactful adventures often arise when we surrender the pen that drafts our life’s script. I’ve gazed up in awe at the grace, mercy, and provision that God has bestowed upon me.

An Unforeseen Journey

This past holiday weekend I had the opportunity to visit Seaside, Florida with my family and good friends. This trip was not something we planned, but a generous opportunity was extended by some good friends. Completely unforeseen, all of a sudden, we were loading up the Expedition, headed to the Florida panhandle. 

Though brief in duration, those three days were filled with unforgettable moments, too numerous to recount in this humble blog post. What we lacked in time, we made up for in moments.

Finding Joy Amidst the Challenges

The trip was an absolute blast, not because everything unfolded perfectly – quite the contrary. We encountered our fair share of unexpected challenges, from navigating a busted golf cart in the dark to a tangle with jellyfish, and even a near mishap with a stop sign. Yet, in these seemingly exasperating moments, we found joy in these “you’ve gotta be kidding me” moments that popped up. 

This trip served as a vivid reminder of the beauty inherent in an unscripted life. Had I known about the golf cart’s sudden breakdown on our way to dinner, I might have opted for the car and missed out on the deep belly laughs and crazy commentary that filled that peculiar ride. There’s so much more to share, but some experiences defy adequate description – you truly had to be there. What I can attest to is that, despite the chaos, it was so much fun!

Navigating the Unchartered Waters of Life

As I reflect on the past week and the broader journey of my life, I’m so grateful that I’ve not held the script in my own hands. Many of the trying moments, pains, and frustrations I’ve endured would likely have been edited out in a quest to construct a “perfect” life. In doing so, I might have overlooked the remarkable treasures hidden just beyond the curtain of despair.

I don’t possess all the answers, and I’m content with that uncertainty. My path is one of faith, a willingness to embrace challenges, and an unwavering commitment to celebrating the moments of joy that grace my journey. I will continue to navigate the uncharted territory of this unscripted life, knowing that it is in these unanticipated moments where the true essence of existence thrives. And I hope you will, too.

Weekly With Whitfield – Transition

by 1 Comment

As we make our way from one space to the next over the course of our lives, there are always a transition periods. During those moments of transition, all too often, there’s a great swirl of emotions that churn within us. And the way we navigate those emotions is critical to the outcomes those transitional moments bring.

The Challenge of Change 

Change can be challenging. Learning new things presents new and unique opportunities. Getting to know the new faces takes a lot of energy and intentional focus. Transitioning from that which you were very familiar with to something new presents you with daily moments of learning, application, and reflection. 

And these are all wonderful things! I firmly believe that it is in these moments throughout the course of our lives that we grow the most. Comfort and familiarity seems all well and good. But it is during these transitional periods that we really find out what we’re made of.

Unexpected Transitions

Roughly two years ago I began a transition that I never anticipated. In a matter of days, my entire life was flipped upside down. All of a sudden, I was thrust into the national spotlight answering calls from The New York Times, NBC, The Washington Post, and the likes.

In an instant, I went from someone who was very “don’t make the 6 o’clock news” to “let’s use the news to highlight what’s happening here and bring awareness” – something I was unfamiliar with and, if I’m honest, rather uncomfortable with. But, seeing as though I grew up in an environment where I was forced to fight through various things that came my way, I knew only one course of action…TO FIGHT.

As I transitioned to a new world of media engagements and advocacy I felt discombobulated. This space looked and felt quite different than showing up at school each day surrounded by the staff and students I adored. I felt empty and alone. I felt disconnected and depressed. This transition was not something I’d planned for, nor desired, yet here I was.

Embrace the Unknown

Over time I would find my footing. What helped the most was looking into the eyes of the people who love me most, my family. Over time I would come to reframe the situation. This transition would not be something happening to me. Rather, I would turn this on its head and take what was meant for my detriment into something positive for my family and the greater global community. 

I put my head down and started on projects I’d once considered, but never did. One of those projects was writing a book and, boy, do I have a doozy in the works to shine a light on what so many educators across the country are facing. I won’t share too much now but I can’t wait until it’s time to send that out into the world. 

Family Support

Most importantly, though, I looked at this as an opportunity to be there for my family in a way that I’d never been able to over the course of my career. Those who know me, know – I only know one way to be a teacher/coach/administer – and that’s FULL FORCE! I give my all to every school I’ve had the pleasure of serving. And, while I have the most amazing and understanding family support system, I know that, oftentimes, they took what was left of me after many of those long, challenging days serving in public schools.

Personal Growth

Slowly, I got out of bed a bit quicker, I calmed my bitterness and frustration, and I leaned into being ON for my family. That’s not to say that disappointment, frustration, bitterness, and anger did not rear their ugly heads over time. They did. If I told you the amount of times I heard people say I’d never work in public education in the metroplex again. If I heard it once, I heard it a hundred times. And I’m talking from folks in pretty high-up places in various districts across the DFW. And every time it had nothing to do with who I was. No, that was intact, well known, and even desired by many of these people. Yet the lack of intestinal fortitude kept many from taking a leap of faith for fear of a small group of hateful, bigoted, intolerant people. It’s been both an eye-opening and disappointing realization that some who claim to be in this work for kids and educators are really more interested in political positioning and harmful games.

Overcoming Adversity

But I would not let this consume me. In reality, I dodged a bullet with those who were afraid of the “bogeyman backlash”, as I sure did not want to end up in a situation where I was serving for a leader who lacked courage, integrity, and conviction. So I embraced the transition and chose to make the most of the challenges presented to me. I poured into my family, advocacy work that took me to the halls of Congress, and partnering with educators, higher education institutions and other organizations across the country. When you’re from where I’m from you’ve learned to make magic out of mess. 

New Beginnings

A few weeks ago, I turned the page on that chapter of life – a chapter that has been more like an entire crazy book. And now I’ve transitioned to a new, beautiful chapter… back in a beautiful school, doing what I love. This transition comes with a new role, a role that entails leading a small, but mighty, district made up of roughly 400 students K-12. It’s such a special place – the acres of tall, big trees, the winding creek, and, most importantly, THE PEOPLE. Everyone has been so warm and welcoming. They’ve made this transition smoother than I ever could’ve imagined. I’m forever grateful that God made this possible. What some meant for harm, He turned to good. 

So as you make the twists and turns of the various transition points in life, give yourself the grace to feel, learn, and grow. As tough as the terrain may be at the moment, always know that you don’t have to walk that rocky road alone. Be still and reflect on ways to reframe and reload to propel yourself forward towards brighter days. I’m rooting for you in all your days ahead.

Weekly With Whitfield – Service

by Leave a Comment

As we journey through life, certain skills become ingrained in us, like riding a bike after years of not being on one. Chances are, you could go without riding a bike for years and still be able to jump right back on and go like yesterday. 

Ok, maybe you can’t do the rad tricks of yesteryear, but you can ride, nonetheless. Muscle memory kicks in and you’re off to let the steamy breeze of a Texas summer scald your face.

Y’all be careful out there, my fellow Texans

Service

I’ve had an absolute blast in my new role. If you’re an educator you know there’s no tired like “first full week of school” tired. But I am so encouraged, excited, and inspired by what I’ve experienced in my first 8 days of school. To those in education, the fatigue that accompanies the “first full week” is all too familiar. Yet, I find myself invigorated, motivated, and deeply moved as I head into the weekend. The spirit of service manifested in various ways, reminding me of the selflessness that thrives within our communities.

Students: Champions of Responsibility

The sight of students taking it upon themselves to wash windows, empty trash cans, and assist in unloading fans was heartwarming. Without prompting, these young people take extreme ownership of our school facilities and grounds. Their willingness to roll up their sleeves and contribute to the school environment exemplifies the responsible citizens they are becoming. I am telling you – there is something different in the water at this school.

Staff: Stepping Up Without Hesitation

Have you ever been in a place where everyone in your organization where there was no “that’s not my job” mentality? I’ve been in some pretty special places, but never have I experienced the level of “get it done, no matter what” as I have the past 8 days. Our staff proved their dedication beyond the call of duty, stepping in wherever and whenever their assistance was needed. Whether directing traffic during the car line chaos or providing support in unforeseen circumstances, their commitment to ensuring a smooth school operation was unwavering.. I am truly honored to serve with such amazing individuals who are committed to creating a dynamic learning environment for young people.

Families: Answering the Call

Our school community isn’t just confined to the four walls of the institution; it extends to the families who support us. It’s inspiring to witness parents and guardians respond with unwavering support and supplies in hand whenever the need arises. This afternoon a parent handed out huge Smart Waters to staff members who were out in the heat ensuring each student made it to their ride safely. And this was not an isolated event. Time after time I witnessed kind, thoughtful acts by our families throughout the week. They truly are our partners in fostering a nurturing learning environment.

Support: Extending a Helping Hand

With the start of the school year, I sent out our teachers Amazon Wish Lists to as few people, igniting a response from those eager to support. Last year I did something similar on Twitter for educators across the country and it spread like wildfire, securing tens of thousands of dollars for supplies for teacher’s classrooms. 

It is so amazing to be able to do this for my new school family this year. If you would like to support an educator at my school, please click on this link, locate a wishlist and item and send their way. Our staff, students, and families are eternally grateful. Thank you, in advance, for your willingness to serve in such a way.

As I reflect on these instances of service, I can’t help but feel immense pride in the community I am part of. Service isn’t just a transaction; it’s a mindset, a way of life that keeps us connected and thriving. So, as we all navigate the challenges and triumphs of another school year, let us carry this spirit of service forward. Let us honor the dedication of students, staff, families, and supporters by continuing to uplift one another. Thank you for the role you play in serving your community.

Weekly With Whitfield – I’m Back

by 2 Comments

On March 18th, 1995, a 16 year-old basketball junkie, would hear two words that sent him through the roof with excitement.

On October 6th, 1993, his favorite player walked away from the game of basketball in the prime of his career. Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player to ever grace the hardwood – I said it – announced his retirement from the NBA.

That kid was me. My mother and I had just watched his Chicago Bulls secure a three-peat just months earlier and all was well in the world. And I was completely devastated. But while my childhood hero was no longer in the game, my love for the game continued to grow. I was determined, like so many kids of that day, to be “Like Mike” (sorry, not sorry, for that jingle ringing in your head the rest of the day).

Wanna Be a Baller

Over the span of those two years I watched my game grow in ways I’d never imagined. I was putting in work. Everywhere I went, I had a basketball in my hand. If there was a good run going on somewhere, I was there.

I wore out the VHS tapes – Come Fly With Me, Michael Jordan’s Playground, Air Time, Above & Beyond! I’d watch a little bit, press pause, go out in the yard and try to emulate those moves, then come back in and watch some more; then do it all again…for hours.

When I wasn’t watching those tapes I was doing various leaping exercises. I was a small, scrawny runt, but I wanted to fly. I wanted to know the air up there. One of the things I did was alternating one legged jumps, working on my form, scraping my hand against the roof shingles. I was gauging how high based on where the scrape was. I had to get about half way up my arm before I could even consider attempting to dunk a basketball. 

I’d also wear ankle weights everywhere I walked. I remember when I’d take them off to hoop I felt like I was free. I was flying. And, while I was just a mighty 5’7”, pretty quickly those scrapes began to get higher and higher on my arm. And I did a horrible job of hiding them. So much so that one of my school counselors called me in for a well-check to make sure I was ok. When I explained to her how I’d come by those scapes she was a bit perplexed. I just smiled and said “come watch me play basketball. I’ll show you what I’ve been up to.”

It was over the course of this time that a spark was lit inside my soul. I know that, for some, this may sound silly. How on earth does a game have such an impact on one’s life? Well, for me it was much more than a game – it was a way out. And with each passing day I poured everything I had into being the best basketball player I could be.

I was still an average student in the classroom. But I was never one to speak up in class. If I could sit in your class and just get by without saying a word, I was good. My teachers and many of my peers I went to high school with didn’t hear me say too much. I was fairly quiet and a bit shy.

But when I stepped foot on that court it all changed. In an instant I transformed into something different. I like to call it passion. But I will be totally honest, that “passion” got me in plenty of trouble, as I was competitive as hell. I was driven to win and had a desire to completely destroy the person in front of me. By no means did I get the better of everyone that I faced. While I definitely tried, me getting the better of someone is not what I’m getting at here. 

The transformation that took place on that court came from an extreme confidence. Over the course of a couple years I’d gone from a relatively non-athletic, scrawny kid, to a dude that was dunking on guys that were over a foot taller than me. And that confidence and ability to do some pretty athletic things came from hard work, dedication, a desire to change my circumstances, and the devastation that came with Michael Jordan being away from the game.

While he may have stepped away, he never really did in my world, as I had him on repeat every single day. But then, on that day in March of 1995, something hit me differently when I heard wind of those two magical words “I’m Back” – the fax heard round the world. 

Transformation

Over the course of two years my whole world changed. In the midst of the chaos that surrounded me, I found a way to focus on where I wanted to be. I set goals. I was disciplined in my approach – no days off. And I was determined to use that round, orange ball to find a way out.

I never made the NBA, as I dreamed. But I did go on to fulfill a goal of playing collegiate basketball – something I always promised my mother I would do. 

But, as I reflect on those times – all the sweat, pain, soreness, mental and physical exhaustion, fighting poverty…you name it – I see how God was using basketball as a conduit to prepare me for the uncertain seasons of life. It’s why basketball has always been more than a game to me. God used a game to prepare me for the many “I’m Back” moments that would undoubtedly unfold on the other side of the mountain.

I’m Back

It has been a long road over the course of the last two years. I’ve been attacked by folks with nefarious agendas. We’ve received hate mail and death threats. I’ve been told by many folks who I’d held in high esteem that I’d never work in public education again in this area due to the media firestorm that accompanied my trials. Believe me, the book is coming. It has been one heck of a ride.

But I’ve also received support and encouragement from so many, near and far. I’ve connected with wonderful educators and advocates across the country along this journey. I’ve partnered with national organizations who are committed to supporting educators in their work. I’ve had the opportunity to testify before the House Subcommittee on Civil Rights and Civil Liberties with regard to classroom censorship. I’ve spoken to thousands of people in various keynotes, workshops, and panels. I’ve worked with preservice teachers to help prepare them for the climate they’re jumping into.

I reached back to the lessons learned by that young boy. I didn’t wallow in pity of devastation. While I was hurting and definitely had my share of challenging days, the strength of my faith refused to allow the obstacles to block my purpose. I got straight to work. I honed my craft, stayed true to my beliefs, and since Wednesday of this week…I’M BACK!!!

Weekly With Whitfield – Conflicted

by Leave a Comment

This week has been filled with conflicting emotions. Generally, it’s been positive and productive. But I’d be lying if I told you positivity stayed throughout the week. Thankfully, joy has outweighed pain, but as I searched for what to write about today I’ve been very, very conflicted.

Family Pool Days

We had the chance to have a backyard full of friends and family this past Sunday afternoon. I spent the day sweltering over the grill in the 100 plus degree Texas heat. But, man, was it worth it. In the hustle and bustle of daily life it is hard to nail down the whole extended family but, on this day, we did. Through my sweat-stinging eyes, I looked around that backyard and just took it in. I didn’t even get any pictures, that’s how tuned in I was. Like so many things of beauty, the image captured in real life – in the moment – is so much more powerful than any picture. The pictures simply don’t do it justice. My heart was filled with so much pride, joy, and contentment. 

Processing Loss

We are still reeling over the loss of our dear friend, Kim. Over the course of the last two weeks we’ve cycled through the stages of grief many times. While our faith is very strong, our human nature still kicks in from time to time. We try to make sense of something so tragic – something we’ll never be able to do. Then, we have moments of remembrance and joy that seem to push back the pain. And, soon thereafter, moments of anger well up in our souls. To anyone out there experiencing such loss, I hope you know that whatever you’re feeling is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up as you navigate the emotions that come with these tragedies that crop up in your life. Allow yourself to feel in order to heal.

Ahead to New Beginnings

I can see light at the end of the tunnel. While we’re still engaged in a form of litigation, one chapter of that sage comes to a close next Tuesday. While the last couple years have been some of the hardest in my life, I am still encouraged by the road ahead. I am so grateful for all the love, support, and encouragement that so many people extended our family throughout this time. I’ll never forget your kindness. My faith tells me that this road has prepared me for something far greater than I could ever imagine – such has been the case for my entire life. I’m excited to see what God’s hands will lay out for our family in the days to come. And I vow to give my very best to glorify His name through it all.

Wedding Bells

I get to officiate my first wedding this weekend in beautiful Cancun, Mexico.

That’s right, your boy is officially an ordained minister.

I’m so honored that my sister-in-law, my wife’s twin sister, Sandy, and her fiancé, Ricardo, have asked me to be part of their special day in such a way. My heart is so happy that they have found each other. 

Sandy is so much more than an “in-law” to me – she is the sister I never had and I love her dearly. To witness her pure joy and happiness means the world to me. As she will attest, I am very protective of her. She is a phenomenal human and deserves nothing but the very best in life. And, in Ricardo, I can see that she has found that. 

The same goes to Ricardo – he is such a wonderful human with a heart of gold, deserving of the very best in life. And, with Sandy, he’s found that. I’m so excited for them to begin this journey together. 

Rollercoaster of Life

Y’all, isn’t that real life? It’s never really in a straight line. Each day can carry its own unique opportunities and feelings. But I think it is key for us to remember to stand in each of those moments, granting us the space to simply be. So, while this week has been a bit more conflicting than normal…such is life. Understand that life brings with it conflicting emotions and contradictions, but you were made for these moments. We’re not guaranteed that this thing will be smooth and scripted. And, quite honestly, I’m glad…because that would be a pretty boring existence. Feel the pain, but don’t get stuck in it. Embrace the joy and don’t be afraid to share it with others. Love yourself and grant yourself the grace to be.

Weekly With Whitfield – Faith

by 4 Comments

Life will always present challenges. Without fail, difficult days are sure to come as we navigate our lives. They come in many forms – from losing a job to facing a serious illness to coping with the death of a loved one, life can seem overwhelming at times. When faced with challenges, it’s easy to feel lost, alone, and afraid. This is where faith kicks in. But, let’s not pretend that faith is some magical potion. Sometimes, it’s hard to find.

Why Faith Escapes Us, At Times

While faith isn’t necessarily magical, it is a powerful thing. Standing in faith gives us hope, strength, and peace in the midst of our struggles. But, at times, faith can seem out of reach for many reasons:

  • Life can be hard. We can become overwhelmed by the moment and lose faith. We question why God would allow us to suffer in such a way. This allows our mind to play tricks on us, making us feel like we are all alone. Then, as we give in to isolation, faith diminishes and despair sets in.
  • We live in a world that is full of confusion and doubt. Whether it’s the news, social media, or even some of our own friends and family, we are often bombarded with messages of doubt. Over time, this toxicity and pessimism can make it hard to have faith in anything.
  • Many of us may have had bad experiences with religion. As I watch the Christian faith become more and more hijacked and weaponized, I’m reminded of so many friends who want nothing to do with religion. Many of them have been hurt by people who claim to be religious. It saddens me to see my faith used as a tool of exclusion, bigotry, and hate. 

A Disclaimer

I’ll start by saying this – I’m a Christian, and I find my strength in Jesus Christ and the promises made in the Bible. I understand that not everyone reading this may be Christian, and that’s ok. It still remains my hope that you are able to use these words, in some way, as you navigate your faith journey. 

Through The Fire

The Bible is full of examples of how faith brings forth the power to overcome. But one that always stands out to me is that of brother Job. He was a righteous man who devoted his life to the service of god. Job held great wealth and had a large family. But one day, his life got flipped upside down.

Satan proposed a challenge to God, saying that Job would only serve Him because he was living a good life. Surely, if Job saw days of strife he’d turn his back on God. But God knew better. So he accepted the challenge and allowed Satan to test Job’s faith by causing him to suffer.

Throughout his trials, our dear brother Job lost everything: his livestock, his servants, his children, and even his health. He was covered in boils and was so sick that he could barely move.

Seeing Job suffering, his friend’s came to visit him – something was terribly off. But instead of extending comfort and grace, many accused him of sinning. Surely Job must have done something wrong to deserve such pain and suffering.

This left Job angry and confused. He could not reconcile or understand why God was allowing such grim days. But through his anger, Job never gave up his faith in God.

Faith Carries

Job’s faith was tested to the limit, but it never broke. He knew that, ultimately, God was still in control, even though he couldn’t answer the question of “why?”. 

His extreme faith offered hope in the midst of despair. That faith gave him the fortitude to press on, even when things seemed at their worst. And, armed with that strong faith, Job had the peace of mind needed to know that everything was gonna be alright in the end. 

Ultimately, God restored Job’s fortunes. He gave him back everything he had lost…and more. And Job went on to live a long and prosperous life.

Job’s story is a reminder that faith can carry us through even the most difficult challenges. When we face suffering, it is easy to lose our way – but we must never forget to face those challenges with an unrelenting faith.

Reflections 

As I think back on life, I’m reminded of so many times where I definitely didn’t understand the struggle I was faced with. Throughout my journey, I faced numerous challenges, starting with trying to break free from an impoverished environment. Then, tragically, losing my mother to leukemia at the age of 19. And, if all those lumps were not enough, the path to enter the education profession was arduous, but I persevered. Then, as I rose in my career, I encountered opposition from individuals with questionable motives, putting my faith to the test repeatedly.

But, through it all, I found solace in the promise of God’s word and provision. While it may have been hard to see in some of those moments, I always knew there was something greater on the other side of the challenges I faced.

Saying Goodbye

This week we faced another great test of faith as we laid one of our dear friends to rest. When something as tragic as this happens we’re left with all sorts of questions and even feelings of anger. As we try to wrap our minds around the senselessness of it all it can become all-consuming. 

But, in the end, I choose to turn to faith. Knowing that our dear friend is at rest in the arms of our Heavenly Father and will see no more pain. I have faith that, one precious day, we will be united with her, and so many of our dear loved ones, when we’re called home. And I have faith that, while she may be gone from this earth, her legacy of protection and advocacy for others will live on in the lives of so many. Our faith has carried us through yet another dark and tragic moment in our lives, and will propel us forward in our unique purpose in the days ahead.

Keep The Faith

If you are facing a challenge in your life, I encourage you to put your faith in God. He is with you, and He will help you to overcome whatever you are facing. Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time in prayer. Refuse to give up. And, remember…this is a team game – you’re not in this alone. I’m rooting for you! Keep the FAITH!

Weekly With Whitfield – Champion

by Leave a Comment

This life we live is so complex. One day it’s a celebration of loved ones. The next, you’re getting a late night call that one of your best friend’s has been taken from this world in the most tragic of ways. Your life is, unexpectedly and completely, upended in that moment. In an instant, the weight of life seems unbearable. It’s just so damn heavy!

Such has been the case for us. My wife, Kerrie, lost her best friend, Kimberly Knapp, this Monday evening. The circumstances surrounding her death are not what I want to discuss here. All those things are in the hands of law enforcement for them to work through. And I would be remiss if I did not add a note about the service these first responders and law enforcement officials have provided our dear friend’s family. 

When something like this happens, they’re working ‘round the clock to do a thorough investigation. This means tremendous personal sacrifice and a huge level of work that largely goes on behind the scenes. We are so grateful for the many individuals around our nation who serve in this capacity – in this case, specifically, the Saginaw, TX police department. Thank you all.

I just want to pay tribute to a dear friend who has been by our side for two decades, and my wife’s for much longer.

First Impressions

I first met Kim a couple months after Kerrie and I began dating 20 years ago. At the time, I was working as a mover, traveling on an 18 wheeler across the country. And it was clear, even in those early days, that Kerrie was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. Each night, as I lay in the bunk of the cab of the truck, I’d pick up my Nokia phone and call her. I couldn’t wait to hear how her day was.

On one particular evening it was clear she wasn’t feeling well. She wasn’t her usual, spirited, self and I was really worried about her. The next day I received a call from her best friend, Kim. She told me that she’d called off work for the day and she was heading over to Kerrie’s apartment to take her to the doctor. She was so worried about her friend, as Kerrie rarely got sick. At that time we were all just poor kids trying to make it. And taking off work meant losing a day’s wages…and that was HUGE.

As I got off the phone with Kim I remember thinking that I could count on one hand the people who would drop everything in an instant to be there for me. And I reflected on the character of those people. It may not seem like a big deal to most. But to me, it resonated deeply. I knew that Kim was that friend who would go above and beyond for her friends and loved ones. And, over time, that circle would expand so much farther than I could have envisioned way back then.

Going to the Chapel

On Christmas Day of 2003, I asked Kerrie to marry me. We quickly set a date of August 21, 2004 and got to planning. One of the first items we checked off of our list was bridesmaids and groomsmen. Kerrie quickly asked Kim to be by her side for our special day. Ecstatically, Kim accepted. 

Soon, it was time for our wedding shower. Our friends and family threw such a wonderful gathering for us.  As we neared the end of the shower Kim asked me to join her away from the party for a brief conversation. When we got to a quiet place to talk she began by expressing how thankful she was that Kerrie and I found each other. She talked about how happy it made her to see Kerrie find true love and happiness. Tears were shed. Hugs were exchanged.

And then Kim switched gears – real quick. She said “now that’s my girl. You better take care of her or you’re gonna have to deal with me!” It was one of those moments where we both sort of chuckled, but we also knew she meant business. Kim wasn’t playin’ around. She loved Kerrie so much, and her happiness meant the world to her. She wanted to be sure I knew that it was critical to protect that. Kim was the ultimate protector and advocate for her people.

Protector

Years later, Kim would find the love of her life, John, and they would marry. And on that special day, Kerrie was right by her side as a bridesmaid. Soon after her wedding, she would put aside her roles in the hospitality industry and pursue law school at Baylor University. Kim was determined to be a criminal defense lawyer. Over those years she was in law school, we rarely saw Kim. She was in those books. And that hard work and dedication paid off as she graduated and became a criminal defense lawyer in Fort Worth, TX. 

Kim would go on to be a Senior Partner of her own law firm, Knapp Begley Law, PLLC. Her specialty – protecting the rights of those who have been criminally charged, ensuring they have thorough and thoughtful counsel. Over the course of this time she also found her way to Texas Wesleyan University, as an adjunct professor. Kim won numerous awards throughout her illustrious career that was cut far too short. 

That she ended up in a profession that seeks to protect was no surprise to me. It’s who she was. I saw it, time after time, through the years. Kim was protective of those she knew and loved. And now she was extending that same protection and care to complete strangers – those who needed assistance navigating the complexities of the legal system in their time of need.

Spirit

If you ever got to hang out with Kim, you know how much fun she was. No matter the space, who was there, no matter what – she stood out. Every room she entered became brighter when she entered. 

This past Saturday we had the opportunity to hang out with Kim for, what would be, the last time any of us would see her alive. We had a huge pool party with friends and family to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my sister-in-law and her fiancé. 

As she jumped in the pool I heard a familiar refrain “James, I’ve gotta talk to you!’ Kim was definitely in the house. If I’ve heard that phrase once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. And you never know what the conversation may end up being. Sometimes it’s about work. Other times it’s about the state of the world and what we can all do to make it better. And other times it could be about life, in general. But it was always going to be a robust and engaging conversation.

Pain

We are absolutely heartbroken! I’ll miss hearing “James! I’ve gotta talk to you!”. I’ll miss those conversations. 

I will miss popping into my wife’s salon and seeing her sitting in the chair to get her “hair did”. 

I’ll miss her joy. 

I will miss the way she cared for her people. 

I’ll miss her can-do spirit and tenacity. 

I will miss the vacation shenanigans.

And I will definitely miss the fun that was to be had when we got the chance to hang out. 

I will miss her, dearly.

Hope Through Pain

Losing Kim in such a way quickly reminds of all the pain that exists in the world. So often, this world can seem like such a huge mess. It can be all-consuming. This loss cuts so very deep, leaving a void that is impossible to fill – a crushing weight on our hearts, minds, and souls. Questions of “why” and “how” are on repeat in our minds. 

But in the wake of this senseless tragedy we are also reminded of the goodness of the people around us. To watch Kim’s family be wrapped up in so much love and support has been quite inspiring. As the tributes and stories of Kim pour in I am reminded of the tremendous and powerful impact our dear friend had on the lives of so many. 

To experience the thoughtfulness of so many who have reached out to us with condolences and kind gestures is a great reminder of the good in the face of pain. The strength of human compassion never fails. To watch so many come together, united by empathy and a desire to alleviate the pain has been uplifting. This collective support serves as a lifeline, helping Kim’s friends and family navigate this difficult path of grief, reminding us that we’re not alone.

While the pain of losing Kim can never be fully erased, the hope arising from the compassion of others will slowly allow us all to take small steps forward. And, little by little, through the pain I will try to smile, as I know that is what she would want for us all. Her loss has been heavy on so many, but I am hopeful that she is wrapped in the arms of our Heavenly Father. And that, coupled with knowing the legacy she leaves, brings me a bit of solace as we look to the days ahead.

In Memory Of

Kim, we’ll miss you, dearly, my friend. While your loss is deeply tragic we will hold fast to the many joyous memories. Thank you for being a great friend to Kerrie and I – for loving us so. Thank you for being there for us and for the light you brought into so many lives. I have no doubt that each bit of light you shared with us all will continue to illuminate as we navigate the days of our lives. Thank you for being one of greatest Champions! Rest easy, dear friend. We love you!

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Journey

by 1 Comment

This week, I celebrated my 45th trip around the sun. I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that I am now 45 years old. My emotions are all over the place as I reflect on being here to see such a day.  As for most of us, life has been quite the adventurous ride, filled with trials and tribulations. And with each passing year I am filled with immense gratitude. As I reflect on the journey I can’t help but stand in complete awe of God’s grace, mercy, and steadfast love. As I looked around at the party that gathered at the restaurant I was consumed with feelings of warmth, gratitude, love, and joy. Good friends, my baby brother, my children, my beautiful bride – what more could a guy ask for? 

Thank you, Lord!

Out of the Darkness

As a young boy, I felt as though I’d never grow old. At least I couldn’t envision it. 

How the hell would I get there?

Time seemed to tick along, ever so slowly, as we navigated the challenges of daily life. 

I couldn’t see beyond the day. Try as I may, it was hard to envision brighter days. I was surrounded by chaos and often felt as though things may have been better for everyone if I’d never been born. 

As I lay in my bed each night I’d envision a world that didn’t include me. And, while I never contemplated taking my own life, the questioning of my existence, my purpose, persisted:

What is the meaning of this?

Why am I here?

Why so much pain, conflict, and struggle?

Those questions, and so many more, found their way into the recesses of my mind in the still of the night under the cover of darkness. Thankfully, along the way, God blessed me with so many people who saw me, believed in me, nurtured me, and loved me through the mess. As I celebrated my 45th birthday, surrounded by loved ones who’ve been part of this journey, I couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude. Throughout my life, the people I’ve met, experiences I’ve lived, and the challenges I’ve overcome that helped that poor little boy from Midland, TX to resoundingly answer those questions of his existence. 

Embrace the Journey

Life’s journey is so very unpredictable. I have learned to embrace the beauty that lies in that. Each twist and turn presents a chance to learn and grow. And as I step into this next chapter, I carry with me the lessons learned, excited for the road ahead. 

On my birthday week, my wish for you is to embrace the journey, cherish every moment, and celebrate the beauty of this complex, yet beautiful, life. Don’t stop believin’!