Dr. James Whitfield

life

Weekly With Whitfield – Conflicted

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This week has been filled with conflicting emotions. Generally, it’s been positive and productive. But I’d be lying if I told you positivity stayed throughout the week. Thankfully, joy has outweighed pain, but as I searched for what to write about today I’ve been very, very conflicted.

Family Pool Days

We had the chance to have a backyard full of friends and family this past Sunday afternoon. I spent the day sweltering over the grill in the 100 plus degree Texas heat. But, man, was it worth it. In the hustle and bustle of daily life it is hard to nail down the whole extended family but, on this day, we did. Through my sweat-stinging eyes, I looked around that backyard and just took it in. I didn’t even get any pictures, that’s how tuned in I was. Like so many things of beauty, the image captured in real life – in the moment – is so much more powerful than any picture. The pictures simply don’t do it justice. My heart was filled with so much pride, joy, and contentment. 

Processing Loss

We are still reeling over the loss of our dear friend, Kim. Over the course of the last two weeks we’ve cycled through the stages of grief many times. While our faith is very strong, our human nature still kicks in from time to time. We try to make sense of something so tragic – something we’ll never be able to do. Then, we have moments of remembrance and joy that seem to push back the pain. And, soon thereafter, moments of anger well up in our souls. To anyone out there experiencing such loss, I hope you know that whatever you’re feeling is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up as you navigate the emotions that come with these tragedies that crop up in your life. Allow yourself to feel in order to heal.

Ahead to New Beginnings

I can see light at the end of the tunnel. While we’re still engaged in a form of litigation, one chapter of that sage comes to a close next Tuesday. While the last couple years have been some of the hardest in my life, I am still encouraged by the road ahead. I am so grateful for all the love, support, and encouragement that so many people extended our family throughout this time. I’ll never forget your kindness. My faith tells me that this road has prepared me for something far greater than I could ever imagine – such has been the case for my entire life. I’m excited to see what God’s hands will lay out for our family in the days to come. And I vow to give my very best to glorify His name through it all.

Wedding Bells

I get to officiate my first wedding this weekend in beautiful Cancun, Mexico.

That’s right, your boy is officially an ordained minister.

I’m so honored that my sister-in-law, my wife’s twin sister, Sandy, and her fiancé, Ricardo, have asked me to be part of their special day in such a way. My heart is so happy that they have found each other. 

Sandy is so much more than an “in-law” to me – she is the sister I never had and I love her dearly. To witness her pure joy and happiness means the world to me. As she will attest, I am very protective of her. She is a phenomenal human and deserves nothing but the very best in life. And, in Ricardo, I can see that she has found that. 

The same goes to Ricardo – he is such a wonderful human with a heart of gold, deserving of the very best in life. And, with Sandy, he’s found that. I’m so excited for them to begin this journey together. 

Rollercoaster of Life

Y’all, isn’t that real life? It’s never really in a straight line. Each day can carry its own unique opportunities and feelings. But I think it is key for us to remember to stand in each of those moments, granting us the space to simply be. So, while this week has been a bit more conflicting than normal…such is life. Understand that life brings with it conflicting emotions and contradictions, but you were made for these moments. We’re not guaranteed that this thing will be smooth and scripted. And, quite honestly, I’m glad…because that would be a pretty boring existence. Feel the pain, but don’t get stuck in it. Embrace the joy and don’t be afraid to share it with others. Love yourself and grant yourself the grace to be.

Weekly With Whitfield – Faith

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Life will always present challenges. Without fail, difficult days are sure to come as we navigate our lives. They come in many forms – from losing a job to facing a serious illness to coping with the death of a loved one, life can seem overwhelming at times. When faced with challenges, it’s easy to feel lost, alone, and afraid. This is where faith kicks in. But, let’s not pretend that faith is some magical potion. Sometimes, it’s hard to find.

Why Faith Escapes Us, At Times

While faith isn’t necessarily magical, it is a powerful thing. Standing in faith gives us hope, strength, and peace in the midst of our struggles. But, at times, faith can seem out of reach for many reasons:

  • Life can be hard. We can become overwhelmed by the moment and lose faith. We question why God would allow us to suffer in such a way. This allows our mind to play tricks on us, making us feel like we are all alone. Then, as we give in to isolation, faith diminishes and despair sets in.
  • We live in a world that is full of confusion and doubt. Whether it’s the news, social media, or even some of our own friends and family, we are often bombarded with messages of doubt. Over time, this toxicity and pessimism can make it hard to have faith in anything.
  • Many of us may have had bad experiences with religion. As I watch the Christian faith become more and more hijacked and weaponized, I’m reminded of so many friends who want nothing to do with religion. Many of them have been hurt by people who claim to be religious. It saddens me to see my faith used as a tool of exclusion, bigotry, and hate. 

A Disclaimer

I’ll start by saying this – I’m a Christian, and I find my strength in Jesus Christ and the promises made in the Bible. I understand that not everyone reading this may be Christian, and that’s ok. It still remains my hope that you are able to use these words, in some way, as you navigate your faith journey. 

Through The Fire

The Bible is full of examples of how faith brings forth the power to overcome. But one that always stands out to me is that of brother Job. He was a righteous man who devoted his life to the service of god. Job held great wealth and had a large family. But one day, his life got flipped upside down.

Satan proposed a challenge to God, saying that Job would only serve Him because he was living a good life. Surely, if Job saw days of strife he’d turn his back on God. But God knew better. So he accepted the challenge and allowed Satan to test Job’s faith by causing him to suffer.

Throughout his trials, our dear brother Job lost everything: his livestock, his servants, his children, and even his health. He was covered in boils and was so sick that he could barely move.

Seeing Job suffering, his friend’s came to visit him – something was terribly off. But instead of extending comfort and grace, many accused him of sinning. Surely Job must have done something wrong to deserve such pain and suffering.

This left Job angry and confused. He could not reconcile or understand why God was allowing such grim days. But through his anger, Job never gave up his faith in God.

Faith Carries

Job’s faith was tested to the limit, but it never broke. He knew that, ultimately, God was still in control, even though he couldn’t answer the question of “why?”. 

His extreme faith offered hope in the midst of despair. That faith gave him the fortitude to press on, even when things seemed at their worst. And, armed with that strong faith, Job had the peace of mind needed to know that everything was gonna be alright in the end. 

Ultimately, God restored Job’s fortunes. He gave him back everything he had lost…and more. And Job went on to live a long and prosperous life.

Job’s story is a reminder that faith can carry us through even the most difficult challenges. When we face suffering, it is easy to lose our way – but we must never forget to face those challenges with an unrelenting faith.

Reflections 

As I think back on life, I’m reminded of so many times where I definitely didn’t understand the struggle I was faced with. Throughout my journey, I faced numerous challenges, starting with trying to break free from an impoverished environment. Then, tragically, losing my mother to leukemia at the age of 19. And, if all those lumps were not enough, the path to enter the education profession was arduous, but I persevered. Then, as I rose in my career, I encountered opposition from individuals with questionable motives, putting my faith to the test repeatedly.

But, through it all, I found solace in the promise of God’s word and provision. While it may have been hard to see in some of those moments, I always knew there was something greater on the other side of the challenges I faced.

Saying Goodbye

This week we faced another great test of faith as we laid one of our dear friends to rest. When something as tragic as this happens we’re left with all sorts of questions and even feelings of anger. As we try to wrap our minds around the senselessness of it all it can become all-consuming. 

But, in the end, I choose to turn to faith. Knowing that our dear friend is at rest in the arms of our Heavenly Father and will see no more pain. I have faith that, one precious day, we will be united with her, and so many of our dear loved ones, when we’re called home. And I have faith that, while she may be gone from this earth, her legacy of protection and advocacy for others will live on in the lives of so many. Our faith has carried us through yet another dark and tragic moment in our lives, and will propel us forward in our unique purpose in the days ahead.

Keep The Faith

If you are facing a challenge in your life, I encourage you to put your faith in God. He is with you, and He will help you to overcome whatever you are facing. Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time in prayer. Refuse to give up. And, remember…this is a team game – you’re not in this alone. I’m rooting for you! Keep the FAITH!

Weekly With Whitfield – Champion

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This life we live is so complex. One day it’s a celebration of loved ones. The next, you’re getting a late night call that one of your best friend’s has been taken from this world in the most tragic of ways. Your life is, unexpectedly and completely, upended in that moment. In an instant, the weight of life seems unbearable. It’s just so damn heavy!

Such has been the case for us. My wife, Kerrie, lost her best friend, Kimberly Knapp, this Monday evening. The circumstances surrounding her death are not what I want to discuss here. All those things are in the hands of law enforcement for them to work through. And I would be remiss if I did not add a note about the service these first responders and law enforcement officials have provided our dear friend’s family. 

When something like this happens, they’re working ‘round the clock to do a thorough investigation. This means tremendous personal sacrifice and a huge level of work that largely goes on behind the scenes. We are so grateful for the many individuals around our nation who serve in this capacity – in this case, specifically, the Saginaw, TX police department. Thank you all.

I just want to pay tribute to a dear friend who has been by our side for two decades, and my wife’s for much longer.

First Impressions

I first met Kim a couple months after Kerrie and I began dating 20 years ago. At the time, I was working as a mover, traveling on an 18 wheeler across the country. And it was clear, even in those early days, that Kerrie was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. Each night, as I lay in the bunk of the cab of the truck, I’d pick up my Nokia phone and call her. I couldn’t wait to hear how her day was.

On one particular evening it was clear she wasn’t feeling well. She wasn’t her usual, spirited, self and I was really worried about her. The next day I received a call from her best friend, Kim. She told me that she’d called off work for the day and she was heading over to Kerrie’s apartment to take her to the doctor. She was so worried about her friend, as Kerrie rarely got sick. At that time we were all just poor kids trying to make it. And taking off work meant losing a day’s wages…and that was HUGE.

As I got off the phone with Kim I remember thinking that I could count on one hand the people who would drop everything in an instant to be there for me. And I reflected on the character of those people. It may not seem like a big deal to most. But to me, it resonated deeply. I knew that Kim was that friend who would go above and beyond for her friends and loved ones. And, over time, that circle would expand so much farther than I could have envisioned way back then.

Going to the Chapel

On Christmas Day of 2003, I asked Kerrie to marry me. We quickly set a date of August 21, 2004 and got to planning. One of the first items we checked off of our list was bridesmaids and groomsmen. Kerrie quickly asked Kim to be by her side for our special day. Ecstatically, Kim accepted. 

Soon, it was time for our wedding shower. Our friends and family threw such a wonderful gathering for us.  As we neared the end of the shower Kim asked me to join her away from the party for a brief conversation. When we got to a quiet place to talk she began by expressing how thankful she was that Kerrie and I found each other. She talked about how happy it made her to see Kerrie find true love and happiness. Tears were shed. Hugs were exchanged.

And then Kim switched gears – real quick. She said “now that’s my girl. You better take care of her or you’re gonna have to deal with me!” It was one of those moments where we both sort of chuckled, but we also knew she meant business. Kim wasn’t playin’ around. She loved Kerrie so much, and her happiness meant the world to her. She wanted to be sure I knew that it was critical to protect that. Kim was the ultimate protector and advocate for her people.

Protector

Years later, Kim would find the love of her life, John, and they would marry. And on that special day, Kerrie was right by her side as a bridesmaid. Soon after her wedding, she would put aside her roles in the hospitality industry and pursue law school at Baylor University. Kim was determined to be a criminal defense lawyer. Over those years she was in law school, we rarely saw Kim. She was in those books. And that hard work and dedication paid off as she graduated and became a criminal defense lawyer in Fort Worth, TX. 

Kim would go on to be a Senior Partner of her own law firm, Knapp Begley Law, PLLC. Her specialty – protecting the rights of those who have been criminally charged, ensuring they have thorough and thoughtful counsel. Over the course of this time she also found her way to Texas Wesleyan University, as an adjunct professor. Kim won numerous awards throughout her illustrious career that was cut far too short. 

That she ended up in a profession that seeks to protect was no surprise to me. It’s who she was. I saw it, time after time, through the years. Kim was protective of those she knew and loved. And now she was extending that same protection and care to complete strangers – those who needed assistance navigating the complexities of the legal system in their time of need.

Spirit

If you ever got to hang out with Kim, you know how much fun she was. No matter the space, who was there, no matter what – she stood out. Every room she entered became brighter when she entered. 

This past Saturday we had the opportunity to hang out with Kim for, what would be, the last time any of us would see her alive. We had a huge pool party with friends and family to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my sister-in-law and her fiancé. 

As she jumped in the pool I heard a familiar refrain “James, I’ve gotta talk to you!’ Kim was definitely in the house. If I’ve heard that phrase once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. And you never know what the conversation may end up being. Sometimes it’s about work. Other times it’s about the state of the world and what we can all do to make it better. And other times it could be about life, in general. But it was always going to be a robust and engaging conversation.

Pain

We are absolutely heartbroken! I’ll miss hearing “James! I’ve gotta talk to you!”. I’ll miss those conversations. 

I will miss popping into my wife’s salon and seeing her sitting in the chair to get her “hair did”. 

I’ll miss her joy. 

I will miss the way she cared for her people. 

I’ll miss her can-do spirit and tenacity. 

I will miss the vacation shenanigans.

And I will definitely miss the fun that was to be had when we got the chance to hang out. 

I will miss her, dearly.

Hope Through Pain

Losing Kim in such a way quickly reminds of all the pain that exists in the world. So often, this world can seem like such a huge mess. It can be all-consuming. This loss cuts so very deep, leaving a void that is impossible to fill – a crushing weight on our hearts, minds, and souls. Questions of “why” and “how” are on repeat in our minds. 

But in the wake of this senseless tragedy we are also reminded of the goodness of the people around us. To watch Kim’s family be wrapped up in so much love and support has been quite inspiring. As the tributes and stories of Kim pour in I am reminded of the tremendous and powerful impact our dear friend had on the lives of so many. 

To experience the thoughtfulness of so many who have reached out to us with condolences and kind gestures is a great reminder of the good in the face of pain. The strength of human compassion never fails. To watch so many come together, united by empathy and a desire to alleviate the pain has been uplifting. This collective support serves as a lifeline, helping Kim’s friends and family navigate this difficult path of grief, reminding us that we’re not alone.

While the pain of losing Kim can never be fully erased, the hope arising from the compassion of others will slowly allow us all to take small steps forward. And, little by little, through the pain I will try to smile, as I know that is what she would want for us all. Her loss has been heavy on so many, but I am hopeful that she is wrapped in the arms of our Heavenly Father. And that, coupled with knowing the legacy she leaves, brings me a bit of solace as we look to the days ahead.

In Memory Of

Kim, we’ll miss you, dearly, my friend. While your loss is deeply tragic we will hold fast to the many joyous memories. Thank you for being a great friend to Kerrie and I – for loving us so. Thank you for being there for us and for the light you brought into so many lives. I have no doubt that each bit of light you shared with us all will continue to illuminate as we navigate the days of our lives. Thank you for being one of greatest Champions! Rest easy, dear friend. We love you!

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Devastated

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Most days I try to keep it moving in gratitude. I am so very grateful for the many blessings in my life – my wife, kids, friends, profession, health – amongst a host of other things. But living in gratitude does not make you immune to the ills of society. Our relationship between gratitude and the blows that life deals is, well…let’s just say it’s complicated.

Gratitude Amidst Devastation

So often, when things go awry in our society, someone comes along with the “it could be worse” line. And, while I believe this comes from a good place (most of the time), I can’t help but feel like it diminishes the very real tragedies and struggles folks are going through in real time. 

Yes, it could “always be worse”…but stating such isn’t a meaningful way of dealing with chaos. We can still practice gratitude while being in a state of disappointment, disgust, anger, and/or frustration. But we operate in such a “grind it out” and “push through” society that often urges people towards feeling as we want them to feel (good) rather than the way they may need to feel at the time.

So this week, while I am so grateful for my many blessings, it has also been devastating.

Devastated

Devastation sets in with each passing evening this week. I turn on the news to hear of the latest shooting here in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex. 

Shooting. 

Another Shooting.

Another Shooting.

Weather.

Sports.

A horrid pattern that makes one question humanity. Senseless acts that change the trajectory of so many lives.

Paola Nunez Linares, a loving wife, daughter, and step-mom, was shot and killed – taken from her family, in an act of road rage – an innocent passenger.

Kyrie Barnes, a 7 year-old boy, was shot and killed – taken from his mother and family by “celebratory gunfire” while playing video games. 

So many lives upended as 11 people were shot while celebrating the 4th of July at ComoFest. Paul Willis (18), Cynthia Santos (22), and Gabriella Navarrete (18) were all victims of this senseless, vile act. 

Do Not Honk in Texas

I’ve told my wife a million times – I’m not honkin’ at anyone here in Texas. I’m moving over when folks are driving crazy. I’m not engaging with anyone on these streets because there are far too many people running around strapped – not only with firearms, but erratic emotions.

It’s really wild to think you can’t even use your horn here in Texas. We use the horn for a variety of reasons but, most importantly, safety. There was a day, honking your horn at someone could mean a variety of things. 

You could give them the two-honks, which is like “hello”. You could give them the brief honk, which is like “I see ya”, or you could give them the full-on, blaring “I need you to realize you’re about to hit me” honk, and all would be well with the world. At most, you’d be told you’re “numero uno”. But not today. You better not honk at someone out in these Texas streets. Chances are, that person is armed. And, as evidenced by recent incidents – they aren’t in an emotional space to handle it.

To Be Clear

Let me be clear – my intention is not to advocate for the confiscation of all firearms. I firmly believe in responsible gun ownership and respect the rights of individuals who adhere to proper protocols. However, we must reckon with the fact that none of the tragedies mentioned above align with the concept of responsible gun ownership. We find ourselves with a grave, devastating problem. And it concerns me that, with each passing day and news cycle, we seem to be growing increasingly desensitized to it all. 

As we witness these repeated acts of violence and tragedy, it becomes easy to slip into a state of indifference or numbness. This constant exposure to distressing news and images, slowly erodes our sensitivities and emotional response. And this creates a perilous detachment from the magnitude of the predicament we find ourselves in.

When we lose touch with the pain and suffering brought on by these events, we risk losing our sense of humanity. As our ability to empathize and take action diminishes, the cycle of violence continues to ravage our communities. All of this perpetuates a dangerous norm where we accept tragedy as an unavoidable part of our existence, rather than striving to prevent it or even attempt to make things better.

From Fixation to Transformation

Our fascination with firearms is terrifying. But, perhaps, what’s more deeply troubling is our unwillingness and/or inability to engage in meaningful dialogue, especially when the influence of social media algorithms pushes us further apart.

I implore you to open your hearts. May we care enough to strive for justice for these grieving families. Let’s care enough to foster safer communities. Communities where children can enjoy playing video games in their homes without the constant fear of losing their lives. Let’s care enough to take action instead of dismissing these tragedies as mere “misfortune” or claiming that “things could be worse.”

While it is true that circumstances could always be worse, it is essential to work towards the possibility of something better. What if we could foster a culture that values human life above all else, where empathy and understanding guide our interactions? What if we could bridge the gaps that divide us, engaging in meaningful conversations that promote unity and mutual respect? Somewhere, deep down, I believe we hold the power to see past that which divides us and into our commonalities. There is far more we have in common than what we’ve been led to believe for so long. 

Because, yes, while it could definitely “be worse” – my goodness…what if we could make it better?

***Prayers of peace, comfort, strength, and love for each of these families as they navigate the trying days ahead.***

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Parenthood

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Among life’s most profound joys, few can match the bliss found in parenthood. It is such a transformative journey of love, sacrifice, and growth – a journey that has changed my life for the better. 

I am a father to three amazing children. My eldest son, Jordan, is 27 years old. My daughter, Lauren, is 22 years old. And my youngest, Landon, is 10 years old. I’ve got quite the range of ages. But what a blessing and honor it is to be their father. Each of them have taught me unique things about myself that I may have never understood without their existence. Grateful is truly an understatement.

Baby Boy

Landon, who will be in fifth grade in the fall, is out for summer break. With that, he and I spend most every day together as I am an educator and have flexible summers. This week I was scrolling through my Google photos album, which is filled with videos from when he was a baby till now.  I was struck at just how fast 10 years can fly by. And the joy and happiness that I see in these videos and pictures is reflective of the experience of daily life with him. These aren’t just moments that have been singled out to be part of some montage. What I see is a reflection of daily life with this amazing young person. At this stage in my life to get the experience of daily life through the eyes of a child is absolutely beautiful. What a wondrous ride it is.

Baby Girl

I had an opportunity to have lunch with my beautiful baby girl, Lauren, this week. When my baby girl asks if I want to do lunch, I do lunch. As I listened to her vision for the future, her hopes for a better world, and her ideas of what to do to impact the lives of people in a deep and meaningful way, I was moved beyond words. This young lady amazes me every day. She’s got so many creative ideas and things that will help people who need it the most. I hope she knows how very proud I am of her. She has such a deep care for the lives of others. At 22 years of age she’s a college graduate, she’s gainfully employed, and she’s working on becoming an entrepreneur.  If you get a chance to meet Lauren you will initially be struck by her glow, her outward beauty.  But what is most impressive is the shine that is within. I’m so proud of her and honored to be her father.

The O.G.

A couple weeks ago my eldest son, Jordan, invited me to be his guest at the annual Fort Worth Metropolitan Black Chamber of Commerce luncheon, which was held this week. If you’ve ever met Jordan you know that he is an amazing young man. Truly, he is the best man I know. And to be his guest at this event made my heart so very happy. To enter the space of this luncheon of roughly 900 guests and watch him work a room, engaging with folks – his smile, his interest in people’s lives, his ability to carry a conversation – was something to behold. Usually in those spaces I’m the one out doing the talking and mixing but on that day I simply took a backseat in pride and watched my baby boy, a boy that entered my life at the age of 17 years old, shine. He absolutely changed the course of my life for the better. And I have no doubt that all who cross his path will be all the better for it.

Shifting the Narrative

The absence of a father figure in my life initially left a void. Yet, in the depths of that void, seeds of resilience and determination took root. On most evenings, in my childhood, my mother and I would sit out on our bench swing in the front yard. So many fond conversations on that swing. One of the recurring conversations was that of the husband and father I promised to be for my wife and kids when that time came. Over time, I would recognize that the absence of a father did not define my worth or my potential to be an exceptional father myself. Instead, it would spark a fire within me to become the father I longed for.

Over the last 27 years, I’ve had the honor of witnessing the magic of parenthood unfold. This journey has been about creating a sanctuary of love and support, where dreams can flourish. Through every bedtime story, scraped knee kissed, and heartfelt conversation, my hope is to craft a legacy that transcends generations. To my own father, I offer forgiveness and gratitude. I carry your lessons with me, not as a burden, but as a source of inspiration to be the best father I can be. Offering no resentment, only love.

I am guided by love, driven by purpose, and devoted to creating a better future for my children. In this sacred role, I cherish the privilege of being a father –  knowing that I have the power to shape lives, to cultivate dreams, and to foster love that will ripple through generations to come. And as I watch my children grow, I am humbled by the amazing humans they have become. Being your father is truly one of life’s greatest joys!

Parent Appreciation

Shout out to all the amazing parents out there making it happen for your children. It’s a challenging role, filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. Along the way it’s natural to question if you’re doing it “right”. In those moments, grant yourself grace and remember that being a parent doesn’t come with instructions, per say. Each child is different and will bring forth their own unique challenges that may make you question yourself. In those moments, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone. Chances are, someone out there has faced the same parenthood challenges. You’re not alone. And you are exactly the right person for the job. You are divinely appointed. 

Weekly With Whitfield – Change

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Change is inevitable yet it’s often the hardest thing for us to accept. In the midst of change we may be forced to shift our perspectives, alter our approach to various situations, take on roles and responsibilities we may not have anticipated, and/or consider things that once seemed beyond our purview, just to name a few. 

The impetus for change often arises when we least expect it – a loved one gets sick; we are betrayed by those we once trusted; we incur an injury that makes us realize just how critical every single muscle and bone in the body matters; life throws us a curveball and we’re forced to reconsider our life and/or career choices. Change cares not for our comfort level or readiness to embrace it. Instead, it challenges our deepest fears and reservations, daring us to resist. 

My Rockstar Wife

My wife is a master stylist. The work she does in her salon each day is truly magical. People enter her suite carrying a multitude of the heavy that life can deal us. While much of what happens in there has to do with chemical formulations, styling, and various cuts, so often, people leave a bit lighter. Sure, they may feel better about their physical appearance, but this visit also serves to uplift folks spirits.

In that space, day in-day out, Kerrie pours into her clients with a love and care that goes beyond the magic she does with their hair – she is a friend and confidant, devoting a laser-focused time and energy on each client. In that room, change takes place in physical and emotional forms each day. And, for the last 5 years, she’s served in the same location. This place has been a steady hand in our lives. Along the way, she’s built wonderful friendships that will last a lifetime. But…it was time for change.

A New Space

For weeks she weighed the prospect of leaving this place that had been her second home. Then, she jumped at an opportunity to set up shop at a place she’s had her eyes on for years. Decision made, it was now time to go through the moving process – remove things hanging on the wall, pack up, load up, clean up, unload, unpack, hang everything back up, order necessities, countless trips to Lowe’s, and arrange the space to be client-ready in a matter of days. It’s been quite the process to go from a distant thought, to so close you could feel it, to reality. But here we are. She’s moved in, embracing change, and ready for what the next leg of her journey brings.

I’m so proud of her. Her ability to navigate the changes of life and do so with such flair is truly inspiring. No matter the challenge, she embraces it and moves full-force in the direction of progress. She continually growing in her craft and being a rockstar mother and wife at the same time. 

Your Friend, Change

As you navigate the various shifts along your own, unique, journey, may you never forget that change is not your foe; it’s stagnation that hinders progress. I pray you will embrace the winds of change, welcoming the gentle whispers of new beginnings, invigorating perspectives, and infinite possibilities that lie ahead. For within the unexplored lies the potential for great and mighty things beyond our wildest dreams.

Weekly With Whitfield – Serendipity

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The story of my life is filled with many twists and turns – unbelievable highs and devastating lows. But, through it all, God has revealed a power and purpose deeper than I could ever imagine. By no means am I suggesting that it’s been easy. Far from it. The journey has been incredibly challenging. That said, each passing day reminds me just how fortunate I am for every bit of it – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and how it has shaped the husband, father, and community partner I aspire to be.

The last couple years have been quite heavy for our family. We have felt every emotion imaginable, but we have maintained our strength and resolve throughout. We draw that strength in a multitude of ways. But this week I was reminded, on several occasions, of one of those sources of strength that has been sustaining, encouraging, affirming and validating. And that is the many serendipitous encounters with a wide range of individuals. With each passing week I am uplifted by these serendipitous moments – moments that seem to hit right on time even if I didn’t know or feel it.

For Kids

Some of the most powerful moments come directly from the many former students. Without fail, these tend to come in moments where I may be feeling the lowest. It could be a student I had back in my 9th grade World Geography class, a player I coached, or one of the many students I served as a school administrator. With each encounter I am left with a great sense of joy and purpose-filled. Ultimately, they are why I do what I do and to have so many who have been so gracious to say hello, express their gratitude and share about what’s going on in their lives means the world to me. 

The “Dark Side”

As I entered education I was solely focused on being a classroom teacher and a basketball coach. Never, in a million years, did I imagine I’d take this journey into school administration. I remember when I made the decision to jump into school administration, one of my teaching colleagues said “oh no, James. Don’t go to the dark side!” But as time went on, and I continued my education, I began to see huge gaps in what was being asked of teachers and actions of administrators – why this stellar educator would view administration as “the dark side”. In the classroom, teachers are encouraged to engage their students but I saw little to no true engagement from administrators to teachers. Compliance seemed to be held above engagement and I saw the impact that had on many of my colleagues. 

So I committed to do this work as a school leader in a different way – in a way that uplifts, engages, encourages, celebrates, values, trusts, connects, and empowers educators to bring their full and authentic selves to school each day to do the most important work on the planet – educating the hearts and minds of our young people. Along the way I’ve learned from, and grown with, so many phenomenal educators. By no means do I claim to have it all figured out. In this work, as in life, when you think you’ve got it all figured, rest assured, something will come along and humble you. Instead, I continually seek opportunities to reflect, learn, and grow in my leadership journey.

Be Impeccable with Your Word

And, sometimes, that journey of reflection and growth can come with a seedy dose of self-doubt. Our minds are one of the most powerful tools in the universe. In his best-seller, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz discusses being “impeccable with your word”. At its core, this agreement acknowledges the immense creative power of language, acknowledging that our words can either uplift and inspire or inflict wounds and perpetuate suffering. So often, we tend to think about how our words can hurt others. But I want to give a nudge for us to consider how negative self-talk can actually be more harmful than anything we’d ever dare say to another person.

Being impeccable with our word begins within. It calls for self-awareness and a commitment to authenticity. We must find strategies and mechanisms to avoid self-deception or negative self-talk. By using our words and thoughts in a spirit of self-love, we cultivate a positive self-image and strengthen our personal integrity. Believe me, I get it…easier said than done. But that brings me to serendipity.

Serendipitous Encounters: Renewal, Encouragement, and Gratitude

Just as I’ve run into countless former students over the course of my career, I’ve encountered many former educators I’ve served as an administrator. These encounters always leave me feeling renewed, refreshed, and encouraged for our profession. Strangely enough, whether or not I know it heading into these encounters, I leave thinking “that was right on time”. I am so very grateful for the many people out there who take the time from what they’re doing to stop and say “hello”, lend a kind, supportive word, or share some anecdote of how you may have played even a small role in their journey as an educator. It is the ultimate data point for me, as this work is about the people.

Serendipitous Encounters with New Friends and Allies

Over the last couple of years, as my story has played out in local and national media, that circle of educators, parents/guardians, and youth has expanded. With each passing week there’s some sort of serendipitous encounter with someone in one of these groups. From social media messages to emails to chance encounters in public spaces – each interaction stokes my passion and purpose to press on even in the midst of such chaotic and turbulent times. 

One such encounter happened just the other day as our family was out to eat with friends. As I walked to the bar to order a drink for my wife and I, there stood a person ready to greet me with a big smile and an extended hand. As we shook hands they said “Dr. Whitfield, right?” I responded, jokingly, “you got me”, as I lifted my hat to expose my shiny, bald head. After a brief chuckle they went on to share that they’re a principal in a nearby district and just wanted to say hello and let me know how much they support who I am and what I stand for. 

As I thanked them for their kind words they went on to share a bit more background saying, “and I want you to know that my appreciation and admiration goes deeper than all this foolishness that’s been thrown at you and how you’ve handled it with such grace. Actually, I was an assistant principal at a local school when COVID struck. And you were the principal of one of our teachers’ kids. She came in and showed me the videos you were making for the students, staff, and community and I thought ‘that’s some good stuff – I need to follow that dude’, and I have followed your journey ever since.”

They added, “So just know that, for so many, you were, and are, a model for what true leadership should and could look like even before all this came your way.”

Accepting Your Flowers – Appreciation

I’ll just say it – I am terrible at accepting compliments, but have gotten better over the course of time. In full transparency – it was hard to even type the above paragraph because I, in no way, want to self-aggrandize. But my journey has taught me that it’s important to acknowledge and accept these kind sentiments. Doing so shows appreciation to the person who made the effort to share. Additionally, it becomes a powerful tool for being impeccable with my word, allowing myself the opportunity to practice self-love and appreciation.

Gratitude, Purpose, and the Power to Move Forward

This was one of several serendipitous moments that happened over the course of this past week, and each was accepted with deep gratitude. These moments happen to each of us in different ways throughout the course of our busy lives. Sometimes in the form of small whispers. Other times in thunderous applause. Each with the capacity to nudge us along our paths, which can often be mired in the vast complexities of our daily lives. And, while they may not know it right now, I have faith that those reading these words may soon have that moment of serendipity that reinforces their purpose, passion, or simply their will to be. It’s coming. The universe is sending it your way. Listen and/or watch for it. When you hear it and/or see it, embrace it. Then use that serendipitous power to propel you as you move forward. 

Weekly With Whitfield – Reframe

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It’s wild how swiftly time has flown, bringing us to the month of June, 2023. When I embarked on this introspective journey at the beginning of the year, I couldn’t have predicted the path it would take. While the idea of starting a weekly blog intrigued me, I was well aware of the challenge of maintaining consistency week after week. To those who have joined me on this adventure, I want to express my deepest gratitude. Your feedback, words of encouragement, and active participation have played a vital role in keeping me motivated and pushing me forward.

For those who have been accompanying me over the past couple of years, you know that it has been an extraordinary journey. I’ve faced unwarranted criticism from individuals who don’t truly know me, but I’ve also received recognition and praise from organizations that share my passion for youth and education. Some days, I’ve struggled to find the strength to get out of bed, while other days, the presence of remarkable individuals in my life has ignited inspiration within me.

Throughout this journey, I’ve found solace in moments of quiet contemplation. Additionally, I’ve been uplifted and motivated by a select few, including my beloved wife, who have stood unwaveringly by my side through every twist and turn. Along the way, I’ve learned valuable lessons and had my existing beliefs reaffirmed.

These past years have presented me with a conundrum. At times, bitterness, disgust, and anger have consumed me. Yet, in other moments, I’ve felt immense gratitude, encouragement, and motivation. It has been a whirlwind of emotions, but I have no doubt that God is paving the way for greater things.

The ability to overcome adversity is deeply influenced by our capacity to reframe. In the face of significant changes in my day-to-day life, I refuse to abandon my purpose. Let me be clear—it’s not an easy feat. It demands intentional effort and unwavering focus. But it’s undeniably worth it. Never underestimate the transformative power of reframing.

When we engage in the practice of reframing, we empower ourselves to find strength and meaning in the face of great odds. Its power creates space for us to challenge limiting beliefs and reevaluate our circumstances through a more optimistic lens. It lifts us from victimhood to empowerment, recognizing that we have the ability to shape our own narratives. By consciously choosing to reframe, we gain control and agency over our lives. Back in the driver’s seat, we are able to find hidden opportunities, cultivate gratitude for what we have, and focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. 

So, while it may be tempting to dwell on grievances and anxieties from the past couple of years, I choose not to do so. Instead, I will reframe my perspective and focus on the fact that, despite all the challenges, I still stand tall. I am immensely grateful for the support of good friends, advocates, and my incredible family. In every line of my song, there they stand beside me. I consider myself extremely fortunate.

My wish for you is that you embrace whatever discomfort comes your way. Reframe those unique challenges that cross your path and rewrite the script, transforming them into beautiful opportunities. Believe in your ability to do so, because you can.