Dr. James Whitfield

love

Imagine

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Early this week I noticed that a John Lennon poster had flown into my front yard.

I know, pretty random, right? (Any of my neighbors reading this – y’all missin’ a poster?)

As I went to grab it I couldn’t help but think about his hit song, “Imagine”. That song always has a way of calming my soul. And as I watched the news surrounding the horrific terrorist attacks in Israel unfold each night this week, I couldn’t help but imagine a world where folks could attend an outdoor music festival without being slaughtered.

I truly believe that we all have much more in common than many would have us believe. Yet here we stand at another critical crossroad in our world’s history with war unfolding by the day. It always seems like when I catch a glimpse of the good in the world – whether it be at school, local community, or some far off land – it’s met with a firm and resistant evil. 

Pure Evil

What we have watched unfold over the last several days in Israel and Gaza is unconscionable. In Israel, friends and families gathered at a music festival to celebrate peace, love, and unity. Then, in a matter of minutes, a horrific, terrorist attack by Hamas turned that joyful festival into a living hell for the concert-goers and their loved ones. 

It’s hard to imagine the fear, pain, distress, and trauma that was inflicted on those poor, innocent souls. The accounts from survivors speak to a pure nightmare scenario, the likes of which we have rarely seen. In Gaza, millions of innocent citizens are left to suffer the consequences of Hamas’ diabolical actions. Hospitals overrun, homes and businesses in ruins, innocent lives taken. They, too, are now stuck in a living hell.

Finding the “Right” Words

In the aftermath, I’ve watched so many try to signal their compassion, empathy, and support for these innocent souls in Israel and Gaza, only to be met with a lot of vitriol. It’s been quite astonishing and disappointing to watch. 

What we must understand is that this is not a zero-sum game – love never is. This is literally people’s lives we’re talking about. Two things can be true:

  • You can condemn Hamas’ pure, unadulterated evil AND
  • You can have compassion and empathy for the citizens of both nations who are simply just trying to live their lives in peace who are caught in the crosshairs.

One does not diminish the other. Quite the contrary. It illuminates our humanity.

Forward

It is my deepest hope and prayer for a swift and peaceful resolution to the current war that has been waged by Hamas, and countered by Israel. Without such a resolution, I fear the outcome for so many innocent people in the region.

I have Israeli friends who I love dearly. I have Palestinian friends who I love dearly. And I have Israeli and Palestinian friends who love each other dearly. 

I urge you – please do not allow your humanity to be compromised to an extent to which you believe various people of the world are your enemy simply because of where they’re from. When we do that, evil wins. And we create the conditions for further bloodshed as we build up hate and intolerance in our hearts. 

Quiet as it’s kept, our capacity to love, show empathy and compassion, and unite towards basic human decency is the greatest weapon we have to create a more safe, loving, and peaceful world. 

You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will be as one

Imagine!

Weekly With Whitfield – Legacy

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I love my kids. The impact they’ve made on my life can’t be quantified. Daily, I’m reminded of the great privilege it is to be their father. I feel the deep pride that comes with looking at all the great things they’re each doing in the various stages of their lives. There is a profound power that rises up in my soul when I think of the lengths I would go to protect them. My love for them knows no bounds.

With this week encompassing National Daughter’s Day and National Son’s Day, I couldn’t help but scroll through old photos. It’s crazy how technology has changed this aspect of reminiscing for me. Not too long ago, I would’ve been pouring over physical photo albums. Now, I have them on my phone. The process of selecting a handful of photos to share on a Happy National Daughter’s/Son’s Day was quite complex. Years upon years of so many beautiful memories. 

A Precious Stroll Down Memory Lane

During my stroll down memory lane, I came across a picture of my mother holding my oldest son, Jordan. And I sit with this photo, in deep thought, for a good while. Nearly two years before this photo, she’d been diagnosed with Leukemia. From the moment of diagnosis to the time of this picture (July of 1996) she’d undergone several rounds of chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant at M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX, gone in and out of remission, watched her eldest son (me) graduate high school, and, now, was able to hold her first grandchild.

This would be the only time she ever got to hold him. And it was as if she knew that this would be her final opportunity. My mother was not feeling well, at all, but was able to leave M.D. Anderson and she return to my grandmother’s house in Itasca, TX to celebrate my 18th birthday. My mother was one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, if not the strongest. But Leukemia doesn’t care how strong you are…neither does the chemo…it devours and denies.

And, while that is so true, on this day I saw my mother transcend the pain and absolutely glow as she held this beautiful baby boy in her arms. Most will agree that, rarely, do pictures fully capture the beauty of these moments. But as I look back on this picture it’s about as close to a true reflection as I’ve ever seen. The way she held him. My arm around her. My baby brother, Michael, just over her right shoulder with a bright smile. One would never guess that poison was running through her body. The immense pride in her smile still speaks to me. She was glowing.

Cherish the Day

I remember never wanting that moment to end. I sat by her side the whole time. Although weak from treatment, she did not want to let Jordan go. She held him. And held him. And sang to him. And played the piano for him. And sang to him some more. Soon, it was time to gather in my grandmother’s kitchen for them to sing “Happy Birthday” to me. Time stood still. It seemed like those candles were lit forever. I didn’t want to blow them out. Not for any dramatic symbolism or anything like that. I just didn’t want that moment to end. Eventually, I blew them out. My family did that ceremonial applause. And then we enjoyed the chocolate cake my grandmother had baked and enjoyed the rest of our visit. I’m so very grateful God gave us that day.

A Painful Farewell

Over the next 5 months my mother’s condition would worsen. We spent Christmas down in Houston at my grandmother’s apartment, as she’d refinanced her house to relocate to be with my mother throughout this time. This visit would not be as joyous. My dad, brother, put on our hospital gowns and face coverings and entered my mother’s room. She lay there, resting, her eyes closed, as they’d given her medication to ease the pain. As we approached, her eyes slowly began to open. While I fully knew the pain she was in, I still felt as though she was going to jump out of the bed. 

But this is not the movies – that didn’t happen. Instead, she slowly began to try to nudge her way up in her bed to sit up. She was alert and coherent, and that made me smile. I grabbed her frail hand and just sat by her side. We talked and tried to sing a few Christmas carols, as Christmas was my mother’s favorite time of the year. Through the pain, she smiled and even cracked a few jokes. The prognosis was looking worse than it had before, but I didn’t want to believe it. 

Heartbroken

I can’t describe the feeling that came over me when I left that hospital room that December evening. My mom, Beverly Jan Whitfield, turned 40 on December 30, 1996. Then on January 17, 1997, she passed from this earth. To this day, I remember, vividly, each detail of that day. My whole world flipped upside down. I lost my best friend, my everything, on that day. And it would take me years to see past the anger and pain and towards the possibility of brighter days.

Over time it started to hit me, just how lucky I was to have her as an example of how a parent should love their kids. As I sit here at 45 years old – a whole 5 years older than my mother was when she passed away – I’m reminded of just how strong my mother was in those final years and in that final Christmas with my brother and I. To look out into your children’s eyes and love them so deeply, yet know that you will likely miss all the key moments of their lives. While I know my mother knew she’d be with her Heavenly Father when she left this earth, I also know that she was a human and that must have caused such pain deep in her soul. But she never let it show. I cannot begin to imagine such pain.

An Enduring Legacy

The journey from then to now has been quite an adventure. And that adventure has included the three amazing young people I’m so proud to call my own. It’s hard to imagine what life would be like without each of their unique presence in my life. I praise God for each day I get to be with them. I know, all too well, that every single day is a special gift and I do my best to cherish it. Not a day passes that I don’t think about my mother and what life would be like with her physical presence.

But her powerful presence lives within me. She nudges me in moments of uncertainty or fear. I can feel her pride when I accomplish something I set out to do. Her strength props me up when I’m faced with things that seem impossible. I feel her in moments of joy. She is my ultimate guide along this journey of parenthood, as she left such an amazing blueprint. Throughout the days of my life I commit to building upon the legacy my beloved mother left us.

Weekly With Whitfield – Conflicted

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This week has been filled with conflicting emotions. Generally, it’s been positive and productive. But I’d be lying if I told you positivity stayed throughout the week. Thankfully, joy has outweighed pain, but as I searched for what to write about today I’ve been very, very conflicted.

Family Pool Days

We had the chance to have a backyard full of friends and family this past Sunday afternoon. I spent the day sweltering over the grill in the 100 plus degree Texas heat. But, man, was it worth it. In the hustle and bustle of daily life it is hard to nail down the whole extended family but, on this day, we did. Through my sweat-stinging eyes, I looked around that backyard and just took it in. I didn’t even get any pictures, that’s how tuned in I was. Like so many things of beauty, the image captured in real life – in the moment – is so much more powerful than any picture. The pictures simply don’t do it justice. My heart was filled with so much pride, joy, and contentment. 

Processing Loss

We are still reeling over the loss of our dear friend, Kim. Over the course of the last two weeks we’ve cycled through the stages of grief many times. While our faith is very strong, our human nature still kicks in from time to time. We try to make sense of something so tragic – something we’ll never be able to do. Then, we have moments of remembrance and joy that seem to push back the pain. And, soon thereafter, moments of anger well up in our souls. To anyone out there experiencing such loss, I hope you know that whatever you’re feeling is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up as you navigate the emotions that come with these tragedies that crop up in your life. Allow yourself to feel in order to heal.

Ahead to New Beginnings

I can see light at the end of the tunnel. While we’re still engaged in a form of litigation, one chapter of that sage comes to a close next Tuesday. While the last couple years have been some of the hardest in my life, I am still encouraged by the road ahead. I am so grateful for all the love, support, and encouragement that so many people extended our family throughout this time. I’ll never forget your kindness. My faith tells me that this road has prepared me for something far greater than I could ever imagine – such has been the case for my entire life. I’m excited to see what God’s hands will lay out for our family in the days to come. And I vow to give my very best to glorify His name through it all.

Wedding Bells

I get to officiate my first wedding this weekend in beautiful Cancun, Mexico.

That’s right, your boy is officially an ordained minister.

I’m so honored that my sister-in-law, my wife’s twin sister, Sandy, and her fiancé, Ricardo, have asked me to be part of their special day in such a way. My heart is so happy that they have found each other. 

Sandy is so much more than an “in-law” to me – she is the sister I never had and I love her dearly. To witness her pure joy and happiness means the world to me. As she will attest, I am very protective of her. She is a phenomenal human and deserves nothing but the very best in life. And, in Ricardo, I can see that she has found that. 

The same goes to Ricardo – he is such a wonderful human with a heart of gold, deserving of the very best in life. And, with Sandy, he’s found that. I’m so excited for them to begin this journey together. 

Rollercoaster of Life

Y’all, isn’t that real life? It’s never really in a straight line. Each day can carry its own unique opportunities and feelings. But I think it is key for us to remember to stand in each of those moments, granting us the space to simply be. So, while this week has been a bit more conflicting than normal…such is life. Understand that life brings with it conflicting emotions and contradictions, but you were made for these moments. We’re not guaranteed that this thing will be smooth and scripted. And, quite honestly, I’m glad…because that would be a pretty boring existence. Feel the pain, but don’t get stuck in it. Embrace the joy and don’t be afraid to share it with others. Love yourself and grant yourself the grace to be.

Weekly With Whitfield – Humanity

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My wife and I finally got around to watching a show that had been on our list for a long while – Ted Lasso. I know. I know. We’re late to the game. We didn’t jump on the Lasso train early on but, my goodness, am I glad we finally did. Beyond its comedic brilliance, this show imparts valuable life lessons and offers so many powerful takeaways – far too many to list here – but mostly centered on human connection. Here are a few elements that stood out to me about the Lasso Way.

Optimism

Coach Lasso’s unwavering optimism in the face of adversity and conflict is inspiring. Despite relentless setbacks, he maintains a positive outlook. And this isn’t the toxic positivity of just pretending everything is ok or being naive. While optimistic, he often acknowledges the elephant in the room, head-on. Then he pushes forward. We can all take a page out of that playbook. Being optimistic does not necessarily mean that we walk around with rose-colored glasses all day. But it sure doesn’t help to throw them on every now and then and see things in a more positive light.

Empathy

Empathy lies at his core, taking the time to understand and deeply connect with others, showing genuine care and concern. As we embrace empathy it allows us to better understand and support those around us. Empathy derives from listening actively, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, and responding with kindness and understanding. When we recognize and validate people’s emotions, we create a safe space for open dialogue. We all need an empathetic ear at some point. Look for opportunities to practice this skill with those around you. In a society that can be so quick to cast shame and judgment, choose empathy.

Kindness

Dude’s a true leader – leading with kindness, mutual respect, and compassion. By treating everyone with dignity and respect (whether they have earned it or deserve it), he fosters a positive environment. Great leaders support and encourage others, they have a servant’s heart, and they are compassionate. Never underestimate the power of small acts of kindness. They can have a profound impact on the people around you. I encourage you to make a conscious effort to perform random acts of kindness each day – whether it be complimenting a stranger, a hand-written note, offering assistance to someone in need, or even a home-made box of biscuits.

Vulnerability 

Coach Lasso shows that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. He openly shares his own struggles and emotions with those around him, creating a space for others to do the same. When we embrace vulnerability in our own lives by opening up about your fears, insecurities, and challenges, we unlock a code. And, equipped with this code, we are able to foster deeper connections, which allows others the opportunity to provide support and understanding. If you haven’t done so lately, initiate a meaningful conversation with a loved one, friend, or colleague. Refuse to be limited by fears and insecurities. Utilize your secret weapon or vulnerability and, in turn, encourage others to do the same.

Relationships. Relationships. Relationships

The ability to forge genuine human connections is evident throughout the show. Coach Lasso’s approach to building relationships is grounded in trust, empathy, and open communication. Whether it’s forming a bond with a troubled player or forging unlikely friendships, his actions speak to the profound impact of meaningful connections on our well-being and happiness. It encourages us to invest time and effort into cultivating relationships that enrich our lives. People know when you care. And they know when you don’t. The power of human connection can change lives.

Forgiveness over Resentment

Resentment seems to be our default setting in most cases. And that was evident in the lives of so many of the characters of this show. But resentment shackles us to past trauma. Forgiveness is key to our personal growth. Our willingness to forgive doesn’t mean that our pain is not valid. Rather, our ability to forgive acknowledges the reality that exists and our power to refuse to be held hostage by someone else’s demons. We all have someone in our life to forgive. I encourage you to find that someone and work towards that reality, whether you feel they deserve it or not. Refuse the limitations of resentment.

Believe

And there’s so much more…but I don’t want to spoil the show for any who may not have watched it yet. I often wondered what all the hype was about, but after watching it is clear as to why Ted Lasso captured the hearts of viewers worldwide. While funny and witty, it also evokes deep emotional connectivity and asks us to look deep into the best parts of our being. As the world can be a tricky and often messy place to navigate, I have no doubt that this show will provide the breath of fresh air needed, anytime. Keep on Believin’!

***And here’s a beautiful montage that doesn’t spoil too much 🙂

Weekly With Whitfield – Change

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Change is inevitable yet it’s often the hardest thing for us to accept. In the midst of change we may be forced to shift our perspectives, alter our approach to various situations, take on roles and responsibilities we may not have anticipated, and/or consider things that once seemed beyond our purview, just to name a few. 

The impetus for change often arises when we least expect it – a loved one gets sick; we are betrayed by those we once trusted; we incur an injury that makes us realize just how critical every single muscle and bone in the body matters; life throws us a curveball and we’re forced to reconsider our life and/or career choices. Change cares not for our comfort level or readiness to embrace it. Instead, it challenges our deepest fears and reservations, daring us to resist. 

My Rockstar Wife

My wife is a master stylist. The work she does in her salon each day is truly magical. People enter her suite carrying a multitude of the heavy that life can deal us. While much of what happens in there has to do with chemical formulations, styling, and various cuts, so often, people leave a bit lighter. Sure, they may feel better about their physical appearance, but this visit also serves to uplift folks spirits.

In that space, day in-day out, Kerrie pours into her clients with a love and care that goes beyond the magic she does with their hair – she is a friend and confidant, devoting a laser-focused time and energy on each client. In that room, change takes place in physical and emotional forms each day. And, for the last 5 years, she’s served in the same location. This place has been a steady hand in our lives. Along the way, she’s built wonderful friendships that will last a lifetime. But…it was time for change.

A New Space

For weeks she weighed the prospect of leaving this place that had been her second home. Then, she jumped at an opportunity to set up shop at a place she’s had her eyes on for years. Decision made, it was now time to go through the moving process – remove things hanging on the wall, pack up, load up, clean up, unload, unpack, hang everything back up, order necessities, countless trips to Lowe’s, and arrange the space to be client-ready in a matter of days. It’s been quite the process to go from a distant thought, to so close you could feel it, to reality. But here we are. She’s moved in, embracing change, and ready for what the next leg of her journey brings.

I’m so proud of her. Her ability to navigate the changes of life and do so with such flair is truly inspiring. No matter the challenge, she embraces it and moves full-force in the direction of progress. She continually growing in her craft and being a rockstar mother and wife at the same time. 

Your Friend, Change

As you navigate the various shifts along your own, unique, journey, may you never forget that change is not your foe; it’s stagnation that hinders progress. I pray you will embrace the winds of change, welcoming the gentle whispers of new beginnings, invigorating perspectives, and infinite possibilities that lie ahead. For within the unexplored lies the potential for great and mighty things beyond our wildest dreams.

Weekly With Whitfield – Serendipity

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The story of my life is filled with many twists and turns – unbelievable highs and devastating lows. But, through it all, God has revealed a power and purpose deeper than I could ever imagine. By no means am I suggesting that it’s been easy. Far from it. The journey has been incredibly challenging. That said, each passing day reminds me just how fortunate I am for every bit of it – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and how it has shaped the husband, father, and community partner I aspire to be.

The last couple years have been quite heavy for our family. We have felt every emotion imaginable, but we have maintained our strength and resolve throughout. We draw that strength in a multitude of ways. But this week I was reminded, on several occasions, of one of those sources of strength that has been sustaining, encouraging, affirming and validating. And that is the many serendipitous encounters with a wide range of individuals. With each passing week I am uplifted by these serendipitous moments – moments that seem to hit right on time even if I didn’t know or feel it.

For Kids

Some of the most powerful moments come directly from the many former students. Without fail, these tend to come in moments where I may be feeling the lowest. It could be a student I had back in my 9th grade World Geography class, a player I coached, or one of the many students I served as a school administrator. With each encounter I am left with a great sense of joy and purpose-filled. Ultimately, they are why I do what I do and to have so many who have been so gracious to say hello, express their gratitude and share about what’s going on in their lives means the world to me. 

The “Dark Side”

As I entered education I was solely focused on being a classroom teacher and a basketball coach. Never, in a million years, did I imagine I’d take this journey into school administration. I remember when I made the decision to jump into school administration, one of my teaching colleagues said “oh no, James. Don’t go to the dark side!” But as time went on, and I continued my education, I began to see huge gaps in what was being asked of teachers and actions of administrators – why this stellar educator would view administration as “the dark side”. In the classroom, teachers are encouraged to engage their students but I saw little to no true engagement from administrators to teachers. Compliance seemed to be held above engagement and I saw the impact that had on many of my colleagues. 

So I committed to do this work as a school leader in a different way – in a way that uplifts, engages, encourages, celebrates, values, trusts, connects, and empowers educators to bring their full and authentic selves to school each day to do the most important work on the planet – educating the hearts and minds of our young people. Along the way I’ve learned from, and grown with, so many phenomenal educators. By no means do I claim to have it all figured out. In this work, as in life, when you think you’ve got it all figured, rest assured, something will come along and humble you. Instead, I continually seek opportunities to reflect, learn, and grow in my leadership journey.

Be Impeccable with Your Word

And, sometimes, that journey of reflection and growth can come with a seedy dose of self-doubt. Our minds are one of the most powerful tools in the universe. In his best-seller, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz discusses being “impeccable with your word”. At its core, this agreement acknowledges the immense creative power of language, acknowledging that our words can either uplift and inspire or inflict wounds and perpetuate suffering. So often, we tend to think about how our words can hurt others. But I want to give a nudge for us to consider how negative self-talk can actually be more harmful than anything we’d ever dare say to another person.

Being impeccable with our word begins within. It calls for self-awareness and a commitment to authenticity. We must find strategies and mechanisms to avoid self-deception or negative self-talk. By using our words and thoughts in a spirit of self-love, we cultivate a positive self-image and strengthen our personal integrity. Believe me, I get it…easier said than done. But that brings me to serendipity.

Serendipitous Encounters: Renewal, Encouragement, and Gratitude

Just as I’ve run into countless former students over the course of my career, I’ve encountered many former educators I’ve served as an administrator. These encounters always leave me feeling renewed, refreshed, and encouraged for our profession. Strangely enough, whether or not I know it heading into these encounters, I leave thinking “that was right on time”. I am so very grateful for the many people out there who take the time from what they’re doing to stop and say “hello”, lend a kind, supportive word, or share some anecdote of how you may have played even a small role in their journey as an educator. It is the ultimate data point for me, as this work is about the people.

Serendipitous Encounters with New Friends and Allies

Over the last couple of years, as my story has played out in local and national media, that circle of educators, parents/guardians, and youth has expanded. With each passing week there’s some sort of serendipitous encounter with someone in one of these groups. From social media messages to emails to chance encounters in public spaces – each interaction stokes my passion and purpose to press on even in the midst of such chaotic and turbulent times. 

One such encounter happened just the other day as our family was out to eat with friends. As I walked to the bar to order a drink for my wife and I, there stood a person ready to greet me with a big smile and an extended hand. As we shook hands they said “Dr. Whitfield, right?” I responded, jokingly, “you got me”, as I lifted my hat to expose my shiny, bald head. After a brief chuckle they went on to share that they’re a principal in a nearby district and just wanted to say hello and let me know how much they support who I am and what I stand for. 

As I thanked them for their kind words they went on to share a bit more background saying, “and I want you to know that my appreciation and admiration goes deeper than all this foolishness that’s been thrown at you and how you’ve handled it with such grace. Actually, I was an assistant principal at a local school when COVID struck. And you were the principal of one of our teachers’ kids. She came in and showed me the videos you were making for the students, staff, and community and I thought ‘that’s some good stuff – I need to follow that dude’, and I have followed your journey ever since.”

They added, “So just know that, for so many, you were, and are, a model for what true leadership should and could look like even before all this came your way.”

Accepting Your Flowers – Appreciation

I’ll just say it – I am terrible at accepting compliments, but have gotten better over the course of time. In full transparency – it was hard to even type the above paragraph because I, in no way, want to self-aggrandize. But my journey has taught me that it’s important to acknowledge and accept these kind sentiments. Doing so shows appreciation to the person who made the effort to share. Additionally, it becomes a powerful tool for being impeccable with my word, allowing myself the opportunity to practice self-love and appreciation.

Gratitude, Purpose, and the Power to Move Forward

This was one of several serendipitous moments that happened over the course of this past week, and each was accepted with deep gratitude. These moments happen to each of us in different ways throughout the course of our busy lives. Sometimes in the form of small whispers. Other times in thunderous applause. Each with the capacity to nudge us along our paths, which can often be mired in the vast complexities of our daily lives. And, while they may not know it right now, I have faith that those reading these words may soon have that moment of serendipity that reinforces their purpose, passion, or simply their will to be. It’s coming. The universe is sending it your way. Listen and/or watch for it. When you hear it and/or see it, embrace it. Then use that serendipitous power to propel you as you move forward. 

Weekly With Whitfield- Lessons

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This week marked the 26th Mother’s Day since my mother, Beverly Jan Whitfield, went to be with our father in heaven. It’s hard to wrap my mind around all that transpired in my life since then – all the moments I wished she’d been able to experience in the flesh.

I’m so grateful for my fabulous wife, Kerrie. Not only is she the most wonderful spouse, she’s a rockstar of a mom. And, with that, I’m able to shift my focus from the sadness of my loss to creating a celebratory experience for her. She absolutely amazes me.

It took me a while for me to lean into the pain of missing my mother so dearly. Especially on Mother’s Day. In those early days after her death I tried to push that pain down deep.

If I hid it well enough, no one could see it.

If no one could see it, they’d think I was “tough”.

If folks thought I was tough, they’d see that “I got this”.

Spoiler Alert – this is not a winning formula. In the years after her death I’d find myself wandering aimlessly through life. That journey would lead to monumental crossroads. I had to choose wisely. While I definitely did not choose the wisest of paths at various points along the way, over time, the rooted lessons I learned from my mother began to bloom.

While she was not able to obtain her teaching degree before her passing she was, most definitely, my most impactful teacher. She wasn’t a “told you so” type of parent. She took time to talk to me and break things down. Never the authoritarian, but at the same time, taking zero shenanigans.

Although free time was scarce as she worked seemingly endless hours to put food on the table, every free moment she got she poured into me. Whether it was shooting hoops, throwing the football, watching Pistons or Bulls games, playing the piano, or just simply sitting out on that bench swing in the middle of our rocky, dirt front yard – there was never a question as to who her number one priority was – me. So many lessons. Too much to shove into one blog post. But I’d love to share a bit of what my mother left with me, with you.

Through it all, she was a constant force. These lessons continue to provide counsel to me 26 years later. A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Here’s a bit of the love and lessons she left with me.

Rise

Do not allow your pain and troubles to keep you in the pit of despair. Life is hard, at times. Few find life to be easy, even those who it may seem. Press on. Don’t lie on the floor waiting for the end. Rise and begin, again. Maintain an unwavering focus on the positive aspects of existence, even amid the crumbling edifice of life’s challenges. For beyond the veil of adversity lies the potential for profound growth and remarkable triumph.

Love

Love unreservedly and passionately, even in the face of unrequited affection. Embrace love as an indomitable force, for it holds transformative power beyond measure. Welcome the vast spectrum of humanity, transcending the confines of societal stratification, racial divisions, and other arbitrary labels. Extend warmth and acceptance to all, allowing love and genuine engagement to shape and transform the world around you.

Serve

Cultivate a spirit of service, irrespective of your standing in this world. Recognize that the capacity to serve extends to all, transcending external circumstances. Seek to extend your benevolence not only to those seemingly burdened by adversity, but also to those who exude apparent prosperity. Every individual, at some point, yearns for connection. Place no prerequisite on who you serve. And do not expect reciprocity. But, more often than not, it will come back to you tenfold.

Speak Up

Do not be afraid to engage in relentless struggle! Fight ardently for your convictions, for the well-being of your family, and for the realization of a life befitting their worth. Understand that the path will not always be smooth, and victories will not be absolute, but remember that the war cannot be won unless the battle is waged. Fight with courage, integrity, and conviction!

The Miracle of You

Embrace your authentic self, recognizing that there exists no other being on this planet like you. Within the unique composition of your being lies the potential for extraordinary deeds. However, this potential can only be unleashed through a genuine acceptance of oneself. You are a miracle. Go and do miraculous things!

Family is Number 1

Devote yourself to diligent effort across all realms of existence, not solely confining your labor to the professional sphere. Often, we become consumed by the role our occupations play in our lives. We tirelessly pursue upward mobility. Remember, that role will be filled by someone else tomorrow if you leave today. That is not the case for your family. You fill a role that is irreplaceable. Ensure that you channel your energy and dedication into nurturing your family, fostering their growth and well-being more than anything. Family over everything!

Gratitude

Sing, dance, and express gratitude in all circumstances! Remember that life is ephemeral, a fleeting moment in the grand tapestry of existence. Therefore, consciously choose joy as your guiding companion through the symphony of life. That’s not to say that you should not feel pain. No, pain is a natural state of being in this life. But the key is to not get stuck there. Somewhere, someone wishes they were in your shoes, no matter how challenging you think you have it. Live in gratitude.

Be a Lighthouse

We are all interconnected, although some have yet to embrace this universal truth. Reflect upon those who have regarded us with bewildering gazes in various establishments, as if we were monstrous apparitions. Understand that their limited perception blinds them to the profound beauty that lies beyond the confines of race. Soon, more souls shall awaken to this realization. Do not succumb to ignorance; instead, acknowledge its innate existence within humanity and become a radiant beacon, illuminating the path for others. Let your light shine brightly! It just may be the beacon for someone who needs it.

The Great Beyond

Direct your gaze heavenward! Engage in prayer with earnestness and sincerity. Allow the divine to anchor your being, regardless of the tempestuous storms that assail you. Trust that divine guidance shall accompany each step of your journey, acknowledging that the path may not be easy, yet unequivocally worthwhile. You are living for something greater on the other side.

Forgiveness

In the journey of life, wounds and conflicts are inevitable. However, it is essential for us to be able to forgive. You must learn to release the burden of resentment and grudges that weigh heavy on your heart. By forgiving others and yourself, you free your spirit from the shackles of negativity and create space for healing, growth, and inner peace. Remember, forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting the hurtful actions, but about choosing compassion and empathy over bitterness and revenge. It is a profound act of strength and a pathway to harmony within oneself and with others. Embracing forgiveness allows you to let go of the past and embrace the beauty and potential of the present moment. Forgiveness frees.

A Mother’s Love

I miss my mother so very much, but I call on her spirit, strength, and the lessons she taught me on a daily basis. I pray that one or more of these points resonated with someone who needed to hear her wisdom.

A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, reaching out into a future she could only dream of.

Dreams come true, Momma.

I love you!

Weekly With Whitfield – Storms

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As I stood outside yesterday evening I couldn’t help but notice how peaceful, calm, and still it was. Every weather forecast promised severe weather packed with howling winds and heavy rains. Yet, here I was in my backyard watching the birds fly carelessly; hearing the serene trickle of the waters flowing from our fountain; feeling the nice, warm breeze. 

The calm before the storm served as a great reminder that life can change in an instant.

Suddenly, I watched heavy wind gusts move things I hadn’t considered it could move. And buckets of rain came streaming from the sky.

Storm Troopers

I grew up in Midland, TX. Extreme weather popped up quite often in the plains of west Texas. I’ll never forget the many times I’d find myself all alone in our home when extreme weather struck, as my mom was usually at work. The fear was almost paralyzing. 

But, looking back on it, I was never alone. Within moments of the news of extreme weather my mother had coordinated with one of the neighbors to look after me. Through the frightening winds, incredible lightning, and jarring claps of thunder, I had a group of people committed to looking after my well-being. The storms of life remind us of the power of community. During these times we come together. We help each other, offer support, and weather the storm together. 

Unquestionably, there will be times in our lives where we feel all alone. The storm we’re experiencing knocks us off course and tells us that, surely, no one else is going through what we’re going through – surely, no one will understand what we’ve been confronted with. Please know that when we face the storms of life, we are never alone. We have loved ones, friends, and a greater community to lean on. Let your tribe provide shelter from the storm when you need it. And be that shelter for someone else when that time comes.

Storm-Tested

Many of you may have seen the storms our family has faced in recent years. It’s been well-documented. And just when we thought the storm had passed, another pops up to test our resolve. Life has a way of keeping us on our toes. The minute we think we’ve cracked the code, here comes another to decipher. 

These tests resemble the extreme weather we faced this week – relentless winds, unyielding rain, and clouds seem to blot out the sun. The relentless storm rages around us, threatening to tear us apart and leave us broken and defeated.

When we face these unpredictable storms, we may feel powerless in the face of its force. But like a storm, the challenges we face in life can also be an opportunity to test our resilience and our strength. The winds howl, the rain pours, and the lightning strikes. And in that instance, we’re presented with the opportunity to find our inner power. While these storms can often leave us battered and bruised, they also serve as a reminder of our strength and ability to overcome.

Mettle tested. Pushed to our limits. Stronger.

Always remember, it is not the storm that defines us, but how we weather it.

Here Comes The Sun

The storms of life are not just about survival; they are also an opportunity for growth, change, and standing firm on our values – our chance to shine on the other side. We’re forced to confront our deepest fears, to question our assumptions, and to find new paths forward. 

Through the high winds and torrential rains we are inspired to become better versions of ourselves, to fight for justice and equality, and to make a positive impact in the world around us. They shake us from complacency and move us towards the collective action required to create a better, brighter world. 

Our resolve is strengthened. Our light, brighter. Through it all, we must stay true to ourselves, hold fast to our beliefs, and never give up hope. For it is in the face of adversity that we discover what we are truly made of, and what we are capable of achieving. Adversity reveals character.

In closing, let us hold fast to the words of the great writer and activist, Langston Hughes: 

“I am the storm, I am the flood, I am the lightning, I am the thunderbolt, I am the hurricane.” 

Let us be the storm, let us rise up and choose to make a positive difference in the world. Together, we can weather any storm and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate than ever before.