Dr. James Whitfield

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Weekly With Whitfield – Puzzles

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Life keeps us on our toes. One week you write about hope and the next week you encounter something that makes you feel hopeless. Sometimes those feelings change day to day. Sometimes hour to hour. But here’s what you know – this feeling won’t last forever. It’s just part of the process as we pull together the puzzle pieces of our lives.

Doris Sumner – My Ma

My Grandmother, affectionately known as “Ma”, loved puzzles. My little brother and I moved in with my Grandmother shortly after our Mother passed away in 1997. In her home we found hope and consistency. This place held so much love and comfort. The home encapsulated all of whom Ma was. 

We lost Ma in 2021, but I think of her often. Almost daily, I feel slight nudges from her. The nudges come strongest when I find myself feeling down. I can almost sense her soft, frail, hand pushing my chin up, ever so slightly, directing me to look forward.

Her presence prompted the very words that flow here. The past couple years have been chaotic, to say the least. I won’t delve into all the chaos – there’s plenty out there to read. But what I want to share, here, is a note about life and one of the many lessons Mrs. Doris Sumner, my Ma, taught me – likely without even knowing it.

Ma’s Place

Ma lived in a small, brick, three bedroom, two bath home in Itasca, TX. Rarely did anyone enter through the front door. Instead, we entered through the garage door that led through a breezeway, then through her bedroom, to a hallway that would take you to the living room and kitchen that were on the other end of the house. 

I can see every inch of it as clearly today as the last day I entered years ago. I smell the pot roast cooking. And I can still see Ma, sitting at her little card table, pressed against the back of the couch. Instantly, she turns around and says “hey there, kiddo!” with a huge grin on her face. She takes a quick break from her task at-hand – the puzzle spread across the table – to give me the greatest hug.

Ma loved puzzles. Like, huge puzzles with thousands of pieces. She’d sit for hours working on them. And when I found her at that table I didn’t miss an opportunity to join her. We had some deep conversations while working on those puzzles. As I reflect on those moments I realize that all those beautiful puzzles serve as a metaphor for life.

The Complex Puzzle of Life

Life is a massive puzzle. Only, there is no box with a picture of what the outcome should be. As we begin the journey, pieces are scattered about. There is no rhyme, reason, or identified purpose. Random parts, with hopes of coming together.

Corner Pieces

Then, slowly, our foundations form. We sleep through the night – a corner piece in place. We graduate to solid foods – another corner piece locked in. Our first words come dribbling out – boom, third corner piece secured. Before you know it, we graduate from making a mess of ourselves – we’re potty trained – locking in that last, and ever-so-critical, corner piece. Those corner pieces are foundational to launching us into life. 

The Edges

As we venture out into this new world we play with the edges – the boundaries within which the rest of the puzzle must come together. And, while this can be a bit of a challenge, the boundaries tend to make themselves readily evident. These edges serve as our values. Their clean, sharp edges provide guidance, but we’re left to sort the rest out along our way. Who we are, and who we’ll become, is impacted by the edges.

The Center

Now we start to play with the pieces in the center and things get more complex. Like a puzzle, life can be complicated and challenging. Each piece, a different experience, lesson, or opportunity along the way. And how we put these pieces together determines the outcomes.

Puzzles can be frustrating. We struggle to find the right piece that may have slid off the table, hiding under our shoe. Sometimes it appears as though a piece should fit, then when you try to force it in, it doesn’t. We become overwhelmed with the sheer number of pieces strewn across the table – it may appear that several critical ones may be missing. But as we keep after it, the bigger picture slowly comes into focus, and each piece slides into place.

Life can be downright frustrating. Adversity, setbacks, and various obstacles crop up along our journey. Oftentimes, these challenges seem insurmountable at the moment. That feeling that something’s “off” wells up inside of us and we often freeze. Each time we try to get going again we seemingly don’t know where to start. But as we push through, the bigger picture of our lives becomes more clear. Each experience serves as an essential element to make sense of it all.

Team Game

Working those puzzles with Ma was always a team game. And such is life. One of the best parts of puzzles and life is that we don’t have to do them alone. We can always get a fresh set of eyes on an issue when we’re stuck. We just need to ask. A new perspective can help us envision brighter possibilities. And we can work together to create something beautiful.

As you navigate the puzzles of life I hope that you’ll pause every so often to find the joy in the process. While it can be messy and frustrating, when it starts to come together you’ll be amazed at what you are able to see at that point. 

And as quickly as amazement appears, along will come another piece to that puzzle that will likely leave you bewildered. And that’s ok. Remember, you are not alone. Grab a friend or loved one. Sit them at your table. And work together to create something more beautiful than you ever imagined. 

– Dedication – 

Ma, thank you for always having a seat at your puzzle table ready for me. Thank you for pouring into my life in the way that you did. Thank you for helping me piece together some very broken pieces to my life’s puzzle. Those frayed edges serve as valuable lessons. I’m thankful for every one of them. And I have no doubt that the picture of my life at this moment would look very different without your love, support, and guidance along the way. I miss you and love you dearly, my forever puzzle partner.

Weekly With Whitfield – Hope

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I find myself enthralled in wonder more these days. Since starting this weekly reflective blog in January it’s sparked a deeper sense of wonder. I’ve found myself more dialed-in on things that would typically be the most miniscule. I’ve learned and grown along this introspective journey. 

This is week 11 of 52 of 2023. If this is your first visit to the blog, I’m glad you’re here. I encourage you to scroll back through the weeks that came before to see what’s been going on. It’s been quite an adventure. If I’m honest, there have been weeks where I’ve found it quite difficult to nail down a particular word that’s different or more unique than the one before. But here we are. Thanks for following along. Your feedback, reflections, and support mean more than you’ll ever know.

Now, to the word that resonated most with me this week – HOPE

Disappointment

Dang, James, I thought we were talking about HOPE, then you throw out “DISAPPOINTMENT”?

I hear you. Roll with me…

Over the last couple years my thoughts have been all over the place with regard to what a future in the education space would look like. While I haven’t been able to work for another Texas public school district (until August 16, 2023 under current settlement agreement) I’ve been approached for several roles with a number of education adjacent non-profits.

Without fail, when it comes time to sign on the dotted line it’s been the same old song:

“Let’s just wait til things cool down, politically.”

“We’d love to bring you on right now, but we’re afraid of the political consequences.”

“Actually, we’ve thought about it and you’re way overqualified for this role. You’d get bored with this.” 

“We can bring you on…you just need to (insert statement of sacrificing my authentic self and who I’ve been as an educational leader over the last decade).”

There have even been organizations who’ve gone out of their way to say they’d create a role just to bring me on board. But when it came down to it – radio silence. Message received.

This, coupled with the mounting legal expense of ongoing litigation has been a downright exhaustive process. I’ve had moments of anger, disgust, angst, depression, and frustration. There have been days where I did not want to get out of bed. There have been days where I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone outside of my home. No response to any calls or texts. Just alone with my thoughts and my keyboard. Writing has been such a very therapeutic tool during this time.

This hasn’t been the first moment of despair throughout the course of my life – and I know it won’t be the last. Actually, I feel like my journey to this point has been somewhat of a training ground for when these moments arise. My mother always told me “son, no matter how bad things seem, they could always be worse. Similarly, no matter how good things seem to be going, they can change in a heartbeat. Don’t allow yourself to get too high or too low based on life’s circumstances. Be present in the moment. Live!” These words have been etched in my heart and carried me through the fire.

While I can’t openly share yet what I’ll be up to in August, I’m pretty excited! Believe me, when I can share, I will. For now, I’ll just say that what I learned early this week gave me a great sense of hope! There is light at the end of the tunnel! In due time I will be back to living out my purpose of partnering with educators and families to create excellent, dynamic, nurturing, and equitable learning environments for youth. 

Disappointment has been a steady resident in my mind. It takes up space in my soul. I felt it’s sharp sting. But through it I’ve learned so much. Though it has been challenging, I refuse to discount its place in my growth. Through the lessons learned in the most disappointing of situations I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by true friends and an amazing family. They helped me reframe these disappointments and point me towards hope for a brighter future.

The Playground

Under a bright blue sky kids bounced across the landscape. If you haven’t been to Grand Prairie’s PlayGrand Adventures, I’d highly recommend it. It’s phenomenal and very intentionally built to be inclusive of all children. Kids and families everywhere, as far as the eyes could see. There is so much for us to learn from kids at play.

My 10 year old, Landon, is a live wire when it comes to playgrounds. The dude is everywhere – jumpin’, runnin’, climbin’ things he probably shouldn’t be climbin’, swingin’, and slidin’. He gets it honest. I still have a hard time not partaking in the fun of a playground that I’m far too big for, so I just followed him around the park and observed.

Various structures with a wide degree of complexity lay intentionally placed across the area. And there was a beautiful display of diversity around the park. This space serves as a microcosm of our society. A great sense of hope welled up inside as I watched children from different backgrounds, cultures, and experiences come together and, despite their differences, find common ground in play. They work together, communicate, and respect each other’s differences. Lessons that we, as adults, can learn from to create a world where everyone is included and valued.

I find hope in the empathy on display. On this playground, I watched children recognize and respond to the emotions of their playmates. They helped each other up when one fell down. They looked out for the person below them, so as to not crush the hands of those below them. And, as the swings were limited to only a handful, no one sat and bogarted the swings. They acknowledged that others were waiting and made their way to the next thing so someone else could feel the wind rush against their face. 

As adults, we should cultivate this same empathy to create a more compassionate world. We need to listen to each other, seek to understand each other’s experiences, and work to create a world where everyone can thrive. We tend to do these things when crises arise, but what if we did it each day as we co-exist on the playgrounds of life?

No one was concerned about the nature of each other’s politics. There was no swing-side discussion on where one went to church, or if they attended church at all. No boundary lines were drawn with regard to who could play on this structure or that – or who was not allowed to play at all. They just found common humanity in playing.

These kids were not all carbon copies, cut from the same social strata, gender, race, or any other factor, but they found a way to make it work – to co-exist for a wonderful shared experience. Their free, loving, compassionate spirits gave me hope for brighter tomorrows. I hope they never forget those playground experiences. And I hope we, as the adults in their lives, can find a way to tap back into the times that we were those kids who found ways to co-exist without all being the same. 

Hope as a Tool

Hope is a powerful force. It has the capacity to help us navigate life’s ups and downs. It provides optimism in the face of great challenges. Hope pushes us forward when we feel like giving in. But hope, alone, is not a strategy for overcoming obstacles. Hope cannot be a passive state. It is critical that we take action and have a plan for what we hope to achieve and become.

Through it all, a sense of hope has existed deep down in my soul. With every shaky excuse given by an organization as to why they couldn’t move forward. Every time I was ghosted by an organization I thought was an ally. Each thought of the tens of thousands of dollars in mounting legal fees. I remained hopeful that the right organization would come along and that God would provide as it relates to covering legal financial obligations. And I remained focused on the actions I must take to move forward.

While much remains to be seen as it relates to how litigation and the next step in my career will play out, I’m hopeful. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Hope allows us to persevere in the face of adversity and remain steadfast in our pursuit of our dreams.

As you set out on the days ahead I pray you will hold fast to hope. Remember that it’s not just an emotion, but a force that can transform fear into courage, doubt into faith, and despair into optimism. It is the bridge that connects the present with the future, reminding us that tomorrow can be brighter than today. Embrace hope’s place in your life as a tool to unlock doors to new opportunities, new beginnings, and a new life. I have high hopes for you!

Weekly With Whitfield – Bridges

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In May of 2022 I was selected as one of forty people across the U.S. (Chicago, Dallas, and Pittsburgh) to join Independent Sector’s inaugural 2022 Bridging Fellows cohort. This two year program, through a combination of virtual and in-person convenings allows us to engage, learn, amplify, and share adaptive skills to help our communities bridge across various divides.

Serendipity. To be in such a space, learning from so many fabulous people, whom I may have never met if not for the storms I’ve encountered over the last couple years. An opportunity to engage in the deep and powerful work of building bridges to create stronger communities.

And, as fate would have it, this week would find us in the City of Steel, Pittsburgh, PA – also prominently known as the City of Bridges.

A Beautiful Landscape

The birds-eye-view flying into the city was pretty amazing. But it was when I hit the ground that it hit me on a whole other level. Pittsburgh is so picturesque.

From the iconic hills that rise up from the banks of the Allegheny River and stretch out into the distance, covered in a patchwork of green and brown. To the Monongahela River, with its deep shades of green, reflecting the foliage that lines its banks. To the Ohio River, with Its deep, dark blue hues, reflecting the sky above and the depths below, carrying barges and cargo ships up and down its length. These three rivers create a landscape that is both beautiful, powerful, and captivating. 

As the city is surrounded by these majestic waters, bridges are critical. Pittsburgh has a network of over 440 bridges – more bridges than any other city in the world, including Venice, Italy. As you drive into the city, the first thing that strikes you is the sheer number of bridges that dot the skyline. Some are massive steel structures that stretch across entire river valleys, while others are small pedestrian bridges that connect neighborhoods and parks. Each with their own unique beauty, character, and purpose.

These bridges are not just a testament to the city’s historic, industrial past, but they also serve as an important part of the city’s transportation infrastructure and add to the overall beauty of the city. Bridges everywhere. A beautiful necessity. But also a symbol of the task before us in our own communities – to be bridge builders.

Great Divides

Over the course of the last several years in the United States, the gulf between us has grown wider and wider. We’ve become that pesky set of siblings that fight just to fight. We will fight over just about anything. 

For many, all hope is lost. But not for me. Although we may have some deep wounds to heal – and we may need to go to time-out for a few minutes – I have faith in us. This is not the first time we’ve been at odds with each other. And this will not be the last time, I assure you. These times provide us with an opportunity to help  form a more perfect union. Our continued capacity to bridge the divides that would keep us worlds apart helps us move forward.

Bridges and Bridging Work

As we traversed the city for this convening I couldn’t help but reflect on the likeness of the physical bridge and the bridging work before us. Bridges are physical structures that connect people and places that may otherwise be divided by impassable barriers. Similarly, in this work we seek to bridge the gap between people and their causes, connecting those who might otherwise be separated by barriers of ignorance, indifference, or fear.

At the heart of this bridging, is the idea that we are all connected. We might come from different backgrounds, have different lived experiences, and be motivated by different concerns, but at our core, we share a basic, common humanity. We all want to live in a just and compassionate world. And these bridges can help us navigate the divides that separate us. Connecting us and  moving us towards our vision of a better future.

Building a Solid Foundation 

A bridge is nothing without a strong, solid foundation. The same goes for the bridging work in our communities. This foundation is built on knowledge, research, and an understanding of the issues and the impact they have on communities. Without taking the time to delve into those key aspects, our efforts are bound to collapse, leaving those who rely on our work stranded and vulnerable. 

In Pittsburgh we had the opportunity to visit several organizations committed to bridging in their communities. Each organization had built a firm foundation in the heart of the city geared towards service, engagement, and standing in the gap for some of the most vulnerable populations. Hearing their journey of how they laid that foundation in the face of some pretty challenging obstacles was inspiring.

Our capacity to build strong relationships in the communities we serve is key. Knowing the wide range of humanity that exists in our space at a deep and meaningful level provides focus as we navigate the challenges that come with bringing communities. Strong relational capacity leads to high levels of trust which, in turn, affords us the ability to move faster than we could otherwise.

Additionally, our sense of purpose is critical to setting out on firm footing. Having a strong, rooted foundation allows us to serve as a determined presence in our communities to leverage the power that lies within to create better futures for our people. 

Design and Construction 

A bridge is so much more than its foundation, though. It requires careful, intentional  design, engineering, and construction. Bridging work in communities is no different. We must put forth the required creativity, strategy, and collaboration to build bridges that are strong, resilient, nurturing, and effective. Additionally, innovation and vision are critical to creating solutions that can address the complex and interconnected issues facing our world.

One of the highlights of our time was our visit to 1Hood Media. As we walked off the bus to enter their facility, the cameras were rolling. A team of individuals greeted us with cameras, and continued as we entered the building, welcomed by the dope beats of old school hip-hop. At some point, the footage captured will undoubtedly be part of a piece for them telling their story. They’ve become masters of creative storytelling to highlight issues in their community, educating the populace, and bringing people in to solve complex issues plaguing their community.

1Hood has a distinct vision for amplifying and authorizing youth voices. The organization’s leaders embrace the historic role that youth have played in bridge builders across our nation over time. Instead of being an organization of “as the adults, we’re here to tell you how it’s done”, they commit to holding space for young people to speak up, engage, and activate in their communities where they see a need. 

Additionally, they’re embrace of art and creativity have ushered opportunities for artists to engage in the work of bridge building through their medium of expression. Through thoughtful design, creativity, strategy, and collaboration towards creating a strong bridge to the communities they serve across the city.

Connection

At its core, a bridge is a structure that connects two places that would otherwise be separate. They span rivers, valleys, and other obstacles, providing a safe and efficient way for people to travel between them. It brings people together, creating opportunities for dialogue, understanding, collaboration, and cooperation. 

Such is the work of bridging in our communities. We must connect people from different backgrounds, communities, and causes, to create a space for them to learn from one another, share their lived experiences, and build towards brighter futures.

We had the opportunity to do a guided bus tour through a few of the roughly 90 neighborhoods that comprise Pittsburgh. Mr. Malik was our phenomenal guide – an absolute wealth of knowledge surrounding, most anything, Pittsburgh. But this tour was largely focused on affordable housing and sustainability in a few communities. 

Listening to him speak of the collaboration and connectivity needed to pull off some of these aspirational housing proposals was mind boggling and inspirational. He spoke to the connections between the private sector, public sector, developers, philanthropy, etc. to make their collective vision come to life.  And, while they all tend to move at very different speeds, they’re all critical to creating brighter outcomes for people in our communities. Sure many of these entities may have some competing priorities, but the work of bridging these priorities is paramount towards creating communities where we can all thrive.

Connection doesn’t always mean we will immediately agree on whatever the problem is that we seek to solve, or how to solve it. But our willingness to understand, engage in dialogue, and collaborate can create strong connections that allow us to see past that which separates us and towards that which we can envision for our collective future.

Upkeep

Bridges require ongoing maintenance and repair to keep them strong and functional. Neglect can and, eventually, will lead to disaster. The work we do in our communities is no different. Today we find our societal bridges in need of massive repair. Fear-mongering, deception, othering, ignorance, and hate have chipped away at our social fabric, eroding trust in our fellow man.

As we go about the challenging work of repairing these fractures it’s imperative that we operate with compassion and empathy. As hard as it may be to listen to those who may believe differently than us, please take time to lend a kind ear. Chances are, if we really listen, we can find that common ground and begin to solder these broken pieces of our communities.

And it won’t be easy. There’s no sense in pretending it will be. It will be hard work. As we are challenged with things that may run counter to that which we thought we knew there’s a tendency to get defensive. It’s human nature. But I encourage you to lean into vulnerability and push back on those defensive feelings. 

Building bridges is just the first step. Building communities where all can thrive requires ongoing commitment, monitoring, and evaluation to ensure that the bridges we construct remain strong and effective over time.

Be the Bridge

The symbol of the bridge reminds us that we are all connected, and that the work of building great, thriving communities is about constructing bridges that can span divides, connect people, and create opportunities for a better future. It requires a solid foundation, careful design and construction, and ongoing care and repair. But if we dare erect these bridges, if we can connect people and causes at the intersection of various issues, then we can create a world that is better for us all.

I encourage you to get out there and look for opportunities to build bridges in your communities. The work is plenty and endless. And there will be new concerns that arise as we turn the pages of tomorrow. But it’s necessary and so worth it. 

Go Build!

Weekly With Whitfield – Storms

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As I stood outside yesterday evening I couldn’t help but notice how peaceful, calm, and still it was. Every weather forecast promised severe weather packed with howling winds and heavy rains. Yet, here I was in my backyard watching the birds fly carelessly; hearing the serene trickle of the waters flowing from our fountain; feeling the nice, warm breeze. 

The calm before the storm served as a great reminder that life can change in an instant.

Suddenly, I watched heavy wind gusts move things I hadn’t considered it could move. And buckets of rain came streaming from the sky.

Storm Troopers

I grew up in Midland, TX. Extreme weather popped up quite often in the plains of west Texas. I’ll never forget the many times I’d find myself all alone in our home when extreme weather struck, as my mom was usually at work. The fear was almost paralyzing. 

But, looking back on it, I was never alone. Within moments of the news of extreme weather my mother had coordinated with one of the neighbors to look after me. Through the frightening winds, incredible lightning, and jarring claps of thunder, I had a group of people committed to looking after my well-being. The storms of life remind us of the power of community. During these times we come together. We help each other, offer support, and weather the storm together. 

Unquestionably, there will be times in our lives where we feel all alone. The storm we’re experiencing knocks us off course and tells us that, surely, no one else is going through what we’re going through – surely, no one will understand what we’ve been confronted with. Please know that when we face the storms of life, we are never alone. We have loved ones, friends, and a greater community to lean on. Let your tribe provide shelter from the storm when you need it. And be that shelter for someone else when that time comes.

Storm-Tested

Many of you may have seen the storms our family has faced in recent years. It’s been well-documented. And just when we thought the storm had passed, another pops up to test our resolve. Life has a way of keeping us on our toes. The minute we think we’ve cracked the code, here comes another to decipher. 

These tests resemble the extreme weather we faced this week – relentless winds, unyielding rain, and clouds seem to blot out the sun. The relentless storm rages around us, threatening to tear us apart and leave us broken and defeated.

When we face these unpredictable storms, we may feel powerless in the face of its force. But like a storm, the challenges we face in life can also be an opportunity to test our resilience and our strength. The winds howl, the rain pours, and the lightning strikes. And in that instance, we’re presented with the opportunity to find our inner power. While these storms can often leave us battered and bruised, they also serve as a reminder of our strength and ability to overcome.

Mettle tested. Pushed to our limits. Stronger.

Always remember, it is not the storm that defines us, but how we weather it.

Here Comes The Sun

The storms of life are not just about survival; they are also an opportunity for growth, change, and standing firm on our values – our chance to shine on the other side. We’re forced to confront our deepest fears, to question our assumptions, and to find new paths forward. 

Through the high winds and torrential rains we are inspired to become better versions of ourselves, to fight for justice and equality, and to make a positive impact in the world around us. They shake us from complacency and move us towards the collective action required to create a better, brighter world. 

Our resolve is strengthened. Our light, brighter. Through it all, we must stay true to ourselves, hold fast to our beliefs, and never give up hope. For it is in the face of adversity that we discover what we are truly made of, and what we are capable of achieving. Adversity reveals character.

In closing, let us hold fast to the words of the great writer and activist, Langston Hughes: 

“I am the storm, I am the flood, I am the lightning, I am the thunderbolt, I am the hurricane.” 

Let us be the storm, let us rise up and choose to make a positive difference in the world. Together, we can weather any storm and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate than ever before.

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Framily

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It’s often said that we are the sum total of the people we surround ourselves with. The people around us have such a deep and profound impact on our lives. Some of those people are chosen for us at birth – our blood, our family. There are other people who become acquaintances or friends. Then, another set of individuals we choose along the way, our framily.

Family

Neither my wife or myself have a very big immediate family. Both sets of grandparents have long passed on. My mother never got the chance to meet my wife or my two youngest. Both of our fathers live out of state and we rarely get a chance to see them. My amazing mother-in-law, Colleen, stands as the matriarch of our small, but mighty unit.

We have three amazing children, Jordan, Lauren, and Landon. I have one brother, Michael. Kerrie has two sisters, Jenny and Sandy. And we have two nephews, Dustin (Jenny) and Matthew (Sandy). That’s the extent of our small, immediate family. Over the last 20 years we’ve seen each other through so much. I love them more than I can express in words.  

Having their support, love, and encouragement along the journey of the last two decades has made me a better husband, father, friend, and educator. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

I know what you’re thinking by now, though – but, James, your word is ‘Framily’. Did you just misspell ‘Family’?

Look at y’all, lookin’ out for your boy with the grammar check!

However, the word is spelled correctly. The word for the week is framily, as this week I was reminded of the deep power of having friends who become like family. 

Framily

Framily are people we connect with in a deep and profound way. Although we share no DNA or kinship, they end up becoming an integral part of your lives. If you need them, they’ll be there. They show up in times of struggle and times of celebration, alike. 

As we sat at Sunday brunch I looked around this table of nearly 20 people who’d gathered to celebrate my wife and sister-in-law’s birthday. I thought about the moments that each of these people walked into our lives. I reminisced on some of the amazing journeys we’d been on with them. Additionally, I reminisced on the challenging moments we’ve all walked through together.

Surrounding this table were people who we loved, and who reciprocated love. Framily. Friends who’ve become like family, truly. While the table was filled with so many amazing individuals who capture this sentiment, today, I’d like to focus on a specific couple. The Amayas.

Tio E & Tia Ash

Soon after we found out we were pregnant with Landon back in 2011, Kerrie reconnected with one of her good friends, Ashley. They’d worked together back in the day and now had a new bond – they’d become first-time mothers around the same time the next fall.

As August of 2012 rolled around, Ashley gave birth to a baby boy, Braylon. Her and her husband, Eric, were now parents to a beautiful newborn. A few weeks later, on September 7, Kerrie would give birth to Landon, our first child together. Since then, the Amaya’s have added another beautiful child to the mix, my niece, Layla, who reminds me so much of my baby girl, Lauren, when she was a young girl (happy tears).

Within weeks of Braylon and Landon’s birth, our families bonded over our similar life circumstances. We were all rolling in the deep of the wondrous opportunities that come with trying to navigate the operation of these new humans who came with no manual. A friendship that had always been there between Kerrie and Ashley had been rekindled and strengthened. In an instant, they became more like sisters. 

And Eric and I, while we only knew each other in passing prior to the arrival of our newborn baby boys, became like brothers. Without question, I know I could pick up the phone and call him right now and he’d drop whatever he was doing to be there for me and my family. He’s that dude – my brother from another mother.

Reflection

As their precious family of four walked through the doors of the restaurant for brunch last Sunday I couldn’t help but feel as though our crew was now complete. If you know, you know – the Amayas are gonna be late (but always fashionably) – Amaya Time, as we call it. So, naturally, they were the last piece to the puzzle. Eric and Ashley are truly two of the most thoughtful, caring, generous, and loving people. But don’t get it twisted and mistake their kindness for weakness. Similarly, like Kerrie and I, you best believe that when they have to rear that protective side, they will. And It’ll be for a just reason.

Over the course of the last decade we’ve done life together, as framily. Vacations, birthday parties, funerals, pool parties, concerts, brunches (that always stretch well into the evening hours), and everything in-between. Most weekends you can find the Amayas and Whitfields together somewhere, having a good time. 

We’ve laughed and celebrated together. 

Cried and mourned together.

Sent vast amounts of silly memes to each other in our group chat.

Developed a million inside jokes based on our shenanigans (#ElbowsIn, #ButDidYouDie, #LightsOn, #Armicron, #TwoPhones – just to name a few 🙂)

We’ve stood by each other in tough times.

We dream of opportunities to create a better life for our families.

We do life with each other.

They’re our framily. Life becomes immeasurably better when you have folks such as the Amayas in your life. Their presence is a beautiful reminder that family is not just about blood, but about the deep connections that we make with people around us. If you have a framily, cherish them, let them know how much they mean to you. And if you don’t, I hope you find them soon. They’ll enrich your life in countless ways.

(I must add – it’s my brother, Eric’s, birthday this coming Monday. Wishing you the most amazing birthday, Tio E!)

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Love

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There’s no way I could let the week of Valentine’s Day pass and not reflect on love. Believe me, I tried. I didn’t want to be cliche’. But love, as it so often does, captured the essence of the week. That said, Valentine’s Day has generally just been another day for me. Sure, it’s cool to do all the little extra things – the chocolates, flowers, sweet cards, and the likes – but I think most of us know that love can’t be confined to one day or material things. It surrounds us every day.

Love is a beautiful, dynamic force.

Dynamic Love

Speaking of a beautiful, dynamic force, this week we returned from the gorgeous shores of Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, where we were able to celebrate my stunning wife, Kerrie, and her twin sister. We had an amazing time strolling the lush, tropical, expansive spaces of our resort and the magnificent beaches. Along those paths I’d find myself gazing intently at this woman by my side – the love of my life. She is absolutely captivating.

To be loved by such a person is indescribable. Her love is so pure and deep. It wraps me in hope in moments of despair. And brings me unlimited moments of smile-til-your-face-hurts joy. Her love is all encompassing. I love the way it feels to be loved by her. I love her so much. 

On many occasions during our trip we discussed our upcoming milestone anniversary. This year marks 20 years that we’ve been together – 19 married. And in August of 2024 we will be married for 20 years. We chuckled as we reminisced about how much we’ve grown over the course of all those years. Love did that.

We were just two kids in our early 20’s, trying to find our way. I’ll never forget the moment I met her. It was absolutely love at first sight. She has continued to mesmerize me ever since. I am so fortunate to get to share my life with such a beautiful soul. The way she loves is the inspiration for today’s message. 

Love is such a powerful force. To be loved, and to share love, is one of the greatest gifts we can give. It serves, heals, inspires, connects, and transforms. While my example is that of the love of my wife, we know that love has the ability to take on many forms, whether that be romantic, familial, or the love between friends. Regardless of the form, the power of love is undeniable. 

Service

Love leads us to serve. When we feel loved we are more inclined to serve. Service is one of the greatest, most pure, expressions of love. Love calls us to operate with a heart of service to those we encounter throughout our days. 

And it’s reciprocal. Some days you will be the one with the energy and ability to be of service to someone in your space. Then, there will be days when it feels like you have nothing left to give, and someone comes through for you. Love nudges us to be of service to others, without an expectation of anything in return.

Healing

Love heals. When we feel loved, we experience a sense of safety and belonging that allows us to heal from emotional pain and trauma. And if we’re real about it, much of that emotional pain and trauma manifested because of our love for those who inflicted it. I won’t deny that. Love can, most definitely hurt.

But love’s healing powers are strong enough to help us overcome the hurt. Love stands ready to help us defeat feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression. It wraps us up in comfort as we face the challenges that life may throw our way.

Inspiration

Love inspires. In love, we feel inspired to be our best selves. It pushes us to take risks and wildly pursue our dreams. The love of those around us sparks inspiration for things to come. 

It helps us see beyond our immediate circumstances and on to what may lay ahead for us. And armed with that inspiration, we tend to be  more generous and compassionate towards others. We pay it forward, sparking inspiration in the lives we touch on a daily basis. 

Connection

Love connects. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, besides food, water, and safety, belonging and love stand as two of the most powerful needs we must fulfill. Human connection is paramount to our overall well being. When we experience love, we form deep, meaningful connections with those around us. 

Love allows us to see beyond the differences that seek to divide us and pushes us to connect with each other on a deeper level. This connective power of love can bring people together in a way that nothing else can. All too often it takes tragedy for us to embrace how connected we really are in this experiment called life. We must allow the connective tissue of love to weave its way into our relationships with our families, friends, communities, and the world at large. 

Transformation

Love transforms. The transformative nature of love shifts the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Love contains the essential ingredients to transform our communities, helping us create a more loving, just, and compassionate world. 

When we allow ourselves to embrace love over the alternative, we are able to see past societal-imposed differences. We become transformers – more than meets the eye. Powerful, transformative figures, ready to combat evil and injustice to create a better, brighter world. 

The Power of Love

Love serves, heals, inspires, connects, and transforms. It’s foundational to our relationships with others. And critical to our personal and collective well-being. In a world that can, oftentimes, feel grim and unforgiving, love shines through, lighting our path to brighter days. We simply must continue to reach for it.

Every chance you get, spread love. Especially on the days that may feel darkest. It can be as simple as a phone call or a text expressing how much a loved one means to you. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Chances are, a simple, heartfelt message of love will mean more than any material thing. Sending love and light to you all in the days ahead. Go out and BE LOVE.

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Anticipation

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Anticipation can be such a powerful tool. Whether it’s waiting to see what Santa leaves under the tree or the long awaited reunification of a loved one, that sense of excitement and anticipation can be a powerful and dynamic force. The feeling of anticipation can influence our emotions, thoughts, and behavior.

Numerous studies have shown that anticipation and the release of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone, are closely linked. When we anticipate something tied to a reward or motivation our brain releases dopamine in anticipation of what’s to come.

Wifey’s Birthday Weekend

This week has been filled with the anticipation of being able to celebrate the love of my life, my wife, Kerrie, who’s birthday is this Sunday. I know, I know – that’s Super Bowl Sunday – but, as luck would have it, I’m married to a person who really enjoys football. Additionally, I guess it doesn’t hurt that we will be on the beach in Punta Cana [HUGE SMILE].

Those who know me, know – I’m all about family vacations. I love being able to get away with our kids. Leading up to those trips there’s a great sense of anticipation that swells inside me as I think of the memories we’ll make. 

But it’s always nice to be able to get away, just the two of us. We’ve had some amazing adventures. And as I think about how beautiful those adventures have been, my anticipation of those that lay ahead grows stronger. Then, when we get back it will be time to start planning our 20 year renewal of vows for  the summer of 2024. Another moment of great anticipation awaits. It really is quite a journey being able to do life with your best friend. 

First Date

Life with Kerrie has been a beautiful journey of anticipation. There are so many anticipatory moments that stand out in my mind. One that jumps out is our first date. Now, if you can believe it – she tried to tell me “it’s cool, we can just go to McDonalds or something”. But there was no way on God’s green earth I was going for that. Instead, we went to a small, quaint Italian place close to her house. 

And it was in those moments of conversation, over spaghetti and chicken fettuccine alfredo, that I knew I’d found the love of my life. I immediately envisioned building a life with this woman. And the rest is history. Here we are, almost 20 years later, and each day I awake with a spirit of anticipation of what’s to come for our love story. I pray everyone to be so lucky as to have a life partner who they don’t just get through life with, but they anticipate all that’s in front of them. 

Oh, The Places You Will Go

That excitement has caused me to reflect deeply on the feeling and power created by anticipation. Over the past several months I’ve found myself thinking about what’s next for my career journey. Most every day someone asks that very question – “what’s next for you?”

And, while I can’t pinpoint exactly what that answer is, I anticipate great things. If my journey to this stage of life serves an indicator of what’s to come, something great awaits. The data speaks for itself. On the other side of chaos something great has always been there, staring me down. 

I anticipate being able to serve in some capacity in public schools again. While some may call me crazy, it’s where my heart is. And I anticipate that things will not always be easy in that space. But, such is life. I look forward to the educators and students whose path I will cross at some point this fall. It’s going to be magical, just watch.

Lauren Nicole

With great anticipation I await the college graduation of my baby girl, Lauren, in May. Proud is an understatement. This young lady amazes me at every turn. She’s smart, creative, empathetic, hard working, beautiful (inside and out), and has such a bright vision for making the world a better place. I love to listen to her thoughts and ideas – her hopes and dreams. I hope she knows how very much she inspires me.  Without question, great things in her future. And I get a front row seat to it all. What a blessing.

Jordan & Peyton

And then there’s my oldest son, Jordan, and his wife, my amazing daughter-in-law, Peyton. They’ve already given me a Grandpuppy (Jimmy) and now I’m anticipating…wait for it…

…Them becoming first-time homeowners! 

(Don’t lie…everyone reading this thought I was about to announce something else… Y’all stop 😂)

With fingers crossed that all goes as planned, they’ll purchase their first home together late this spring. I could go on and on about these two. Their story is one out of a fairy tale. High School Sweethearts who journeyed away together for college, obtained their degrees, then came back home and began successful careers. But, most importantly, they’re simply beautiful people. I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for these two!

Landon

While I am in no hurry for my youngest, Landon, to grow up, I’m so excited for the days ahead for him. He is such a trooper and brings so much joy to my heart. His fun-loving personality, determination, and creativity. The way he loves so big. His thirst for adventure and imagination keep me on my toes. 

One of the beautiful moments about this season of life I’m in is getting to pick him up from school each day. While it may seem like a small thing, it’s really quite a big deal. Last year, as he transitioned to his new school, we picked a predetermined place that I’d pick him up from school each day – by the big tree. Each day, as I grab his little surprise snack and drink for the ride home, I’m filled with anticipation – to see him look for me at that tree. Then, to see his face when he sees me standing there – priceless. And to hear all the stories of his day as a 4th grader. Anticipation meets sheer jubilation.

Blessings

I’m so grateful for every moment. These amazingly beautiful kids. My stunning, magnificent wife. And I anticipate joy, blessings, and warm days to come. I know storms will come for us all at some point along our journey, but I will continue to look back at the trends of our lives, expecting and anticipating brighter days on the other side.

 

Weekly With Whitfield – Sankofa

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This week I chose to kick off Black History by writing about the contributions of Black male educators on student achievement. Specifically, I wrote about two of the men who helped shape the course of my life in major ways; Richard Bacon and James Johnson. Throughout the piece, and the days since, the word, sankofa, has been ringing in my head. 

The term “Sankofa” is comes from the Akan language spoken by the people of Ghana, located in West Africa. It literally means “go back and get it”, a symbol of the importance of learning from the past in order to move forward. In African culture, Sankofa is a reminder that the wisdom and experiences of our ancestors are valuable and should be remembered, respected, and learned from. 

Sankofa is represented by a bird with its head turned backwards and an egg in its beak. The bird is flying forward but with its head facing backwards, representing the idea that one must look back in order to move forward. The egg in the bird’s beak symbolizes the importance of preserving the knowledge and wisdom of the past for future generations. 

Reflection

As I reflect on my journey to become an educator, I’m forever grateful for those who came before me. Those who dared to peak back into a very tumultuous past to carry forward the lessons and legacies of those who came before them. Truly, we ride on the shoulders of giants, both in the past and present. 

As of late, there’s been much talk about the teaching of our nation’s history. Those who choose “go back and get it” meet heavy opposition. Some have attacked teaching history through the lens of truth, “CRT”. Others have claimed that those who dare mention the ills of our history, and the systemic realities that persist due to these ills, as being “unpatriotic” or instilling “hate for our country”. 

These accusations couldn’t be further from the truth. Actually, quite the contrary. That fact people who’ve been historically excluded from the American experiment continue to believe in the ideals of our nation speaks loudly to their unyielding patriotism. We simply leverage our demands of liberty, justice, and equality for all by embracing sankofa, going back to get it, pressing our great nation to live out what it promised on paper. 

Not just for Black people. Not just for White people. But for ALL PEOPLE!

Going Back To Get It

We must remember that what we face is not new. We should always anticipate, and prepare for, backlash in the wake of progress. As James Baldwin said:

…you must understand that in the attempt to correct so many generations of bad faith and cruelty, when it is operating not only in the classroom but in society, you will meet the most fantastic, the most brutal, and the most determined resistance. There is no point in pretending that this won’t happen.

These efforts to write a revisionist history of our nation have been with us. 

United Daughters of The Confederacy

After the South’s massive defeat in the Civil War, a massive resistance swelled. The United Daughters of the Confederacy (UDC) was established in 1894. In the decades following the war, the UDC played a significant role in shaping the nation’s cultural and historical memory of the Confederacy and the Civil War. 

One of the primary ways the UDC sought to achieve their goals was by forming textbook committees. These committees were established to review and influence the content of textbooks used in American schools, with the goal of reframing the Civil War as a “noble cause” and portraying the Confederacy and its leaders in a more positive light. Their textbook committees were highly successful in achieving their goals. 

By portraying the Confederacy as a noble cause and its leaders as heroic, they helped to perpetuate the myth of the “Lost Cause” and minimized the central role of slavery in causing the war. Instead, they leaned on “states rights”. This revisionist history helped to justify segregation and the continued oppression of African Americans in the South, and served as a rallying point for those who sought to maintain the status quo.

But as we practice sankofa we can decipher this coded language. In actuality, it was “states rights to own humans and treat them like animals”. 

Brown v. Board of Education

In the wake of the landmark 1954 U.S. Supreme Court case Brown v. Board of Education ruling, White families from inner cities fled to suburban areas. While not exclusively the case, often it was in response to the racial integration of schools that would follow. The ruling declared that segregation in public schools was unconstitutional, prompting the desegregation of schools across the country. However, the implementation of desegregation was found resistance from many White families who feared the integration of Black students into their schools.

The impact of White flight on Black teachers and principals was profound. Many Black educators were passed over for promotions, demoted, or even fired, simply because of their race. This created a vicious cycle, as the loss of Black teachers and principals further eroded the quality of education in urban schools, causing even more white families to leave.

White flights impact on Black educators was further compounded by the systemic racism and discrimination they faced in their daily lives. For example, many black teachers were paid less than their white counterparts (even though many were more qualified). Additionally, they were given fewer resources to work with, making it more difficult to provide quality education to their students.

The loss of Black educators, and the hostile work environments they endured, perpetuated the systemic racism and discrimination that existed in education and in society as a whole. We understand that we didn’t just arrive at this underrepresentation of Black educators by accident – it’s historical. And only when we understand, acknowledge, and address these deep systemic roots can we begin to build a robust Black educator pipeline.

Sankofa

We have come so far as a people in the United States. We, Americans, have so much to be grateful for and proud of. But we must always remember to “go back and get it”. This is how we create a more perfect, just, and inclusive nation for us all. We are a work in progress, and that’s ok. Our ability to acknowledge, embrace, flex, and grow has afforded us opportunities to overcome some very dark days.

And we must be prepare for the dark days that lay ahead. As for every moment of progress in our country, there has always been backlash. My hope for us is that we continue to lean on the wisdom and experiences of our ancestors. They are valuable and afford us a blueprint to remember, respect, and learn from.